This is a very loving, supportive, interesting and caring group of people here. The common goal is to save marriages.
Amen!
It is us newcomers here who are too afraid to put into action the advice that is given. Counter-intuitive is different than counter-productive.
If I would have listened to the usual vets who seem to greet most of the newbies when I first got here, I would be in a much better place right now. I guarantee it!
I would personally like to thank those who have given me their valuable time, rehashing the same points that they have told countless other people. It is all there for me and others to read. But people on here really do care. They will go over it personally with you, smack you with a 2x4 when needed, but make sure you get the personal attention that you need when you are at the lowest point in your life. Coach himself was on my thread most of yesterday spelling things out for me that he and others had told me before. I was very down and he knew it and came and helped. Many others here do the very same thing. I could list you all by name, but you know who you are. Thank you all so much!!!
It is up to each and every one of us to put fear aside and follow these wise and caring people. That, or wallow in our self pity until it destroys us. And sooner or later, it will.
Boy, did I need this today. Been feeling a bit down today. Thanks Coach for the inspiration. I realized that I need to do the things you wrote about like letting go, GAL and no pursuing.
LOL..."runback spouse"
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
i don't want to go off topic here so i won't go into detail about how i feel the advice was to pit me against WAH.
i have to say that the advice here does help me. i do listen to the vets and i am use their advice to gauge my own sitch. i apply what i feel may work. so far, i have been okay.
when i encounter a new roadblock and i don't know how to approach it, then i come back for more advice.
so far, i haven't received much attention and thus i start to panic and veer off my path.
it is threads like these that put me back on track. thanks vets.
MIL, I found it best to read as many threads as possible and glean from them what I found to be the best...
At times, there are people who give out some off advice..(not referring specifically to your sitch, haven't read yours yet)
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
When I have time I would like to compile all the books recommended on the Suggested Books thread. I personally love to read and learn that way too.
Just tight on time, but if anyone else wants to compile a nice list...
I think I will have to tackle it in stages, bit by bit. Copy it all into Word and at least have a list, then eventually divided by subjects...
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
1) On agreeing...my IC who is also our MC said that sometimes this works, and sometimes this just gives the WAS the impression THAT YOU ACTUALLY DO AGREE AND WANT THEM TO GO even if this is not what you feel.
2) I know that coach has very good advice, but I"ve often wondered - does that particular advice work best for a LBS who is a man? I'm thinking the dynamics may be different for a woman.
Have often wondered the same thing these past months of DBing...
Would love others to weigh in on this!
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
