Again, you're making the mistake of thinking that whatever I ask, say, etc in this board, I'm going ot go and tell to my wife. Wrong. And at this point, who cares if I'm not the kind of man my wife wants to be with?
You're making the mistake that I made that or any assumption in the first place. I didn't assume anything. My response was based on your post, the way you were talking and sounding. You sound very needy with the way you were talking.
As far as you not caring if you're not the kind of man your wife wants to be with, I think you're fooling yourself, you wouldn't be talking about how you need to express your feelings to your wife, to be heard, to get closure. This is all approval seeking behavior, if you didn't care what your wife thought about you, you wouldn't have a need to express your feelings to her.
...I'm selfish for expressing my feelings, and I suppose she's just following her heart, right? More interesting logic.
You're being selfish if you feel the need to share your feelings with someone who apparently doesn't want to share in that experience with you. Do they have to because you say so? That's controlling and people in general don't like being controlled.
You wrote the following:
Quote:
She may not care to hear, that's her problem.
Think about how you sound and appear to someone when you talk like that.
It's not attractive.
Just because you are her husband doesn't give you that right, you could ASK HER if she wants to listen but she has the right to refuse you and tell you NO.
Do they have to because you say so? That's controlling and people in general don't like being controlled.
I am not even sure if want to send that letter or not and when. Now, even if I do, no one is forcing her to read it. If she doesn't want to, she won't even open the letter and throw it away. Easy as that. How's that controlling? Controlling would be taking a loudspeaker and giving her no other option than to listen to me.
Quote:
She may not care to hear, that's her problem.
Think about how you sound and appear to someone when you talk like that. It's not attractive. [/quote]
I'm done with thinking how I sound and appear to someone else. I won't live to please others.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Be the man you want to be. You will still have some flaws and area's which can be exploited. Even the president does. Don't worry about fitting a mold she's expecting. If she got with you in the first place, you should've been good enough even if you fall short of glory. I don't think a WAS should be rewarded.
Anyway be the man you want to be. I told james217, even in spite of a terrible situation we can make new focus points. Pick some hobbies and skills or classes and excel at them, make them the focus point. Or some self-help books, clubs or classes.
It would probably be more effective to display these feelings in front of a counselor. Talking about it in an unmanaged environment is most certainly lead to you being shut out.
It would probably be more effective to display these feelings in front of a counselor. Talking about it in an unmanaged environment is most certainly lead to you being shut out.
Talking in front of the counselor will ensure that she will one way or another have to hear it, because she will have to respond. At a certain point the counselor will be able to sift through BS. You will feel more closure in this manner.
It just hurts so much not being able to tell what you feel. It's like being in jail and not been able to give your side of the story. It's really tough. If I walk away like this, she'll never know how I felt. She may not care to hear, that's her problem. Should that stop me from doing what I feel I need to do to get closure? Is she really going to have the last word on this?
You sound weak, insecure, ineffectual, wussy like and definitely not the kind of man your wife would want to be with.
He doesn’t sound ‘wussy like’ to me. He sounds like a man feeling, and expressing, normal feelings under the circumstances.
Originally Posted By: robx
Think about how you sound and appear to someone when you talk like that.
It's not attractive.
Speaking of unattractive . . . robx, in your posts here today, you come across as a bully who makes himself feel big by kicking a guy when he’s down for a couple of days. IMO, that makes you appear weak and insecure. Do you have the cojones to admit to any vulnerable feelings?
Your stuff about FKA being controlling or selfish . . .
Stay strong buddy dont send it.Listen these people here really know what they are talking about.
If you have to send it send it to your self.
Get it postmarked if you get back with your W give to her on your one year reanavirsery.
Me 37 Waw 32 son2 bomb 8/11/09 O/M 12/25/09 Divorce filed 8/25/09 divorce finale 6/16/10 Divorce putt on hold 6/16/10 Divorce postponed STBXW idea 8/8/10
Dudess, there is nothing wrong with sharing your emotions and feelings when you're in a loving, caring, intimate relationship with your significant other. Attempting to do these things with a WAS will only drive them away further.
I definitely have the "cojones" to admit to having vulnerable feelings but I would never communicate these feelings to a WAS who doesn't want anything to do with me. What would that gain when that WAS is effectively communicating that they want nothing to do with you and are actively involved with someone else?
If my direct approach hurt your feelings FKAF, I apologize.
I personally believe that people need a dose of reality in these situations, I'm not going to lie to someone and tell them to do something when I think it's the wrong thing to do.
What do you do with a WAS who doesn't want anything to do with you? Do you still affair burst? Perhaps they are not seeing correctly due to being in their affair. Hell I don't know.
Thats a real depressing feeling, to know the one you where with wants nothing at all to do with you - and they are consistent in that message.
