I spent a long time living in limbo and for the first several months I wish I had gotten a kick in the a$$ much earlier to save me alot of wasted time and that's what I was doing with you, I'm not here to hurt anyone intentionally and I'd rather stop posting on your specific thread if it's just causing you pain to hear me be so blunt with you, you're going through enough as it is, I'm not ignorant of that.
No need for stop posting. I'm a big boy, I can take tough comments. I was only saying they were unnecessarily aggressive because you were preaching to the converted: I AM MOVING ON. Sorry if mentioning the letter sent the wrong message.
I know it's hard for you to notice since you can only read what I post here. You can't see me going to the gym, making new friends, making jokes, LAUGHING AGAIN! So, I can assure you: I am moving on. There's hardly no pain. I feel numb when I think of her. Compassion is the only thing I feel. I'm at peace. I'm in the best place I've been since this whole thing started.
Last edited by FormelyknownasF; 05/11/1003:54 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
robx.. When your W is at home with you, how would u suggest we act around them? I know in my sitch I walk around with a chip on my shoulders.. I am trying not too, but its been tough..
For the most part, I honestly do my own thing. I don't ignore her, I'm not a prick. I don't treat her like the queen of england, if she stays over for supper with me and the kids, she's expected to help out with preparing supper and the cleanup involved afterwards, I don't need her to do everything by herself, I'm there in the kitchen taking care of business at the same time, but it's not like she's some guest that I only see twice a year and I do appreciate the help and I let her know and thank her afterwards, that's just the right thing to do, and something you would do with anyone else so why not her as well. That's one thing I noticed that we never did before, we never said "thank you", we never let the other person know we appreciated the assistance but if some stranger or another friend had helped, you would have been polite and thanked them. It should be that way between spouses as well, you should always be appreciative of help that is given to you and don't take it for granted that it will always be there because it won't always be there. When she calls and "visits" in the evening and stops at the coffee shop and brings over my favorite coffee and maybe a snack to go with it, I always say thank you and I make sure to repay the favor because it's the right thing to do. If your friend at work brought you a coffee when they picked one up for themselves, you would say thank you and you would return the favor eventually - if you were a prick and told them to piss off and never said thank you when they did these things and never showed any appreciation, your friend would get tired of you real quick. It's the same thing with your spouse. That's one thing during this entire process that I enjoyed learning the most, appreciating what you have: clothes on your back, money in your pocket, healthy beautiful children, a warm bed, a roof over your head, hot water in the shower, milk in the fridge, a car to drive, a job and a paycheque, friends, family, GOD. There are so many people in this world less fortunate than you so appreciate what you have and don't focus so much on what you don't have, it's easier said than done and it's just a habit you have to cultivate in your life so that it becomes part of your routine.
We still live under the same roof so it makes it tougher. At least to me its tougher. Thanks for those thoughts.. Makes sense.
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
robx.. When your W is at home with you, how would u suggest we act around them? I know in my sitch I walk around with a chip on my shoulders.. I am trying not too, but its been tough..
For the most part, I honestly do my own thing. I don't ignore her, I'm not a prick. I don't treat her like the queen of england, if she stays over for supper with me and the kids, she's expected to help out with preparing supper and the cleanup involved afterwards, I don't need her to do everything by herself, I'm there in the kitchen taking care of business at the same time, but it's not like she's some guest that I only see twice a year and I do appreciate the help and I let her know and thank her afterwards, that's just the right thing to do, and something you would do with anyone else so why not her as well. That's one thing I noticed that we never did before, we never said "thank you", we never let the other person know we appreciated the assistance but if some stranger or another friend had helped, you would have been polite and thanked them. It should be that way between spouses as well, you should always be appreciative of help that is given to you and don't take it for granted that it will always be there because it won't always be there. When she calls and "visits" in the evening and stops at the coffee shop and brings over my favorite coffee and maybe a snack to go with it, I always say thank you and I make sure to repay the favor because it's the right thing to do. If your friend at work brought you a coffee when they picked one up for themselves, you would say thank you and you would return the favor eventually - if you were a prick and told them to piss off and never said thank you when they did these things and never showed any appreciation, your friend would get tired of you real quick. It's the same thing with your spouse. That's one thing during this entire process that I enjoyed learning the most, appreciating what you have: clothes on your back, money in your pocket, healthy beautiful children, a warm bed, a roof over your head, hot water in the shower, milk in the fridge, a car to drive, a job and a paycheque, friends, family, GOD. There are so many people in this world less fortunate than you so appreciate what you have and don't focus so much on what you don't have, it's easier said than done and it's just a habit you have to cultivate in your life so that it becomes part of your routine.
Rob, if you keep this up, I'm going to run flush outta whistles.
Can you send someone to jail because they fall out of love with you and and fall in love with someone else?
Yes, if they do it before a divorce is finalized. One just doesn't "fall in love" with someone else by accident. Many, many other 'little rules and trusts' have to be broken along the way before one could reach the point of "falling in love" with someone else while still married to another person. As far as I'm concerned, I'd have no problem with sending someone to jail for a year, depending on the circumstance. Not sure why I'm even answering you question Robx, I suppose for others who might have the same question.
Life may be short, but . . . well . . . it actually IS short, now that I think about it . . . . particularly when compared to planetary formation and stuff.
Robx , you hit the nail on the head. While I am not there, I am certainly on my way there. The most important thing I got out your post is that LBS must take control over their life and become more accepting and loving of themselves.
Albeit, I am personally having a spiritual warfare at the same time. I have tried for 30 days of showing love, now it's time to reclaim what I allowed to be taken. Still being respectful but using the gifts that I have to rise above.
