My W just sent a txt message saying she has to work tomorrow and won't be in the apartment. She's says her BF is going to be there, tough. She asks if this will be ok with me?
Don't really know what to say...
One part of me wants to end this once and for all but I don;t trust the BF and I don't trust myself with her around. I don't really want to be in the position of my W saying that I took something that I shouldn't have, etc
I also suspect that W doesn't have the balls to see me...
What do you think?
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
I actually replied to myself in my head now. I won't go unless she's there. I'm taking papers and stuff that isn't packed and I don't really want to get into an argument with that woman about what to take and what not to.
Plus, why should I make this easier for herself? 2 months ago she asked me to be moved from the apartment, when she arrived. She clearly has a problem with actually SEEING me move out.
I don't think it's right going when she's not there. That's what I think.
(and no, I don't want to see HER, I want her to see ME and see that I'm fine and relieved which is different).
Last edited by FormelyknownasF; 05/14/1003:03 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
you could reply back and tell her something like this:
"I'm OK with you not being there and your friend being there but I don't need her asking me about every item that I'm taking. Also I don't want to hear any complaints that I went searching in a room where I shouldn't have been or that I took something I shouldn't have taken because I really don't want to put up with any nonsense while I'm taking my stuff out of the apartment. Plus I don't want to waste my time if I can't find something of mine and I have to make 2 trips, I'd rather do this in one trip and not have to come back again. I've made myself clear on all of this now so I don't want to hear about any problems afterwards."
or you could say:
"you should probably be there, if I can't find something that I'm looking for I don't think your friend will be able to find it, you'll be able to see what I'm taking so there's no issues with me taking something that I shouldn't have or some other nonsense, I want to do this in one trip without having to come back because something was missing or hidden."
In the end bro, it's up to you. Do what's best for you.
I actually replied to myself in my head now. I won't go unless she's there. I'm taking papers and stuff that isn't packed and I don't really want to get into an argument with that woman about what to take and what not to.
Plus, why should I make this easier for herself? 2 months ago she asked me to be moved from the apartment, when she arrived. She clearly has a problem with actually SEEING me move out.
I don't think it's right going when she's not there. That's what I think.
(and no, I don't want to see HER, I want her to see ME and see that I'm fine and relieved which is different).
I think you are on the right track. Going when she is there will eliminate potential problems. It would be much simpler to schedule a different time.
i think you are failing to see how much you lucked out.
you dont want to see her, she doesnt want to see you,
if this stuff is actually somethings that you need to have, how can pass up the opportunity to go, grab it and get out.
but, it reads to me like you want to have some final impact, go out with a bang or something ... letters to the parents, final farewells, collecting memories ... let me ask you, if your wife had done all of that would you be feeling the same impact as you are now?
I see your point, Mc Queen but the way I see it is, not once, has she have the courage to face the consequences of what she did. Why should I contribute to her current state of mind? Haven't I made things easy for her already?
Do I really want to sneak in and take advantage of the fact she's not there? I'm not that guy. And again, there will likely to be things that I want to take that haven't been packed. I don't want to have to discuss that with the BF. She deserves nothing from me but silence.
As per your last question, sorry, I don't know what you mean.
Last edited by FormelyknownasF; 05/14/1005:15 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
The thing is you want your W to feel the consequences in the way you think she should. It's understandable. For a long time I, more than anything, wanted my H to feel consequences as well. And he very might as well have (or maybe not, who knows!). What I have accepted though is my H may never feel consequences in the way I want him to.
"you should probably be there, you'll be able to see what I'm taking so there's no misunderstandings. I think it's important because I want to do this in one trip without having to come back because something was missing or couldn't fin it"
This seems right. The other one sounds like I have to explain myself too much.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Good point, girl. My question is, did your husband avoid seeing you leave the house? Maybe he was the one who had to leave the house, so at least he was facing some sort of consequence of his actions. He moving out.
My wife hasn't. She practically arranged for this to happen when she couldn't see me in the eye. Dropped the bomb by phone, had the affair when I wasn't in the country, asked me to move before she came back home so we wouldn't cross paths, etc.
She can afford to be a coward because her life is based around the stability we built together. The one having to deal with finding a new place, adapting to new circumstances, etc it's me.
I won't spare her anymore from this.
Last edited by FormelyknownasF; 05/14/1005:31 PM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Actually, my H moved out under totally false pretenses. A few weeks after he dropped the bomb he came to me (he was still living at home) and said he had been doing some thinking and reading about "controlled separations" and he would like to try one. He and I spent a few days really talking about the guidelines of the "controlled separation". He went to his grandparents house which was empty at the time. He and I saw each other once a few days after he moved out then he admitted to me he had lied to me, he didn't want to do the controlled separation and he pretended he wanted to just so he had an easy way to move out.
The rest of his things were packed/boxed up and left for him to collect. This was two years ago. Now he lives with OW and their R is still going strong. Their affair began while we were married and has lasted. So, it is what it is.
