Ok. All done. Went ok. I am happy to say that I felt nothing. Didn't feel sad or anger. It was just like getting my things from a complete stranger.
She was unusually polite. I couldn't find some papers and she offered to send them by post. Then she asked what else do I need. I asked for the papers my company's lawyers told me I'd need in the event of a divorce (her contract from work, etc). She asked me why did I need those papers. I told her the bare minimum.
I tried to be smiling and in a good mood during the whole thing. New haircut, my working out is starting to show, etc I could notice she was watching me the whole time.
She looked as is she let herself go (or maybe she was intentionally being unattractive for me hehe). It made it easier for me to be honest. I can now confirm, there's nothing there of what my wife used to be.
Now, I'm heading to a brazilian BBQ.
Not bad for saturday, huh?
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
I've been ok. Busy at work which is a bit stressful at the moment. I've been experiencing mood swings still, which I guess is normal.
My W sent a message yesterday in reply to my request of closing that bank account. She asks if it's ok to do it this friday.
So, we are going to see each other again but I don't have any expectations.
She's been very polite but still she shows no remorse or willingness to even discuss what happened. Of course, that politeness might be just guilt.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm being too proud.
Sometimes I wonder if I should be the one who opens the door.
Proud in not asking her directly: "I think is fair to say this is over but do you really - in your heart- want it to end like this? I think 12 years of relationship deserve at least an explanation of what happened".
What if we are falling into that trap of "I thought you didn't care to talk" "Oh, but I only thought that because I thought YOU didn't care"?
But then sometimes, I remember how she has behaved and think I'm exposing myself to yet another of her trademark cold hearted replies.
Let's not forget that the only time we've met after this she was being "supervised" by her friend. I'm more 100% sure she's coaching her in this, instructing her not to discuss anything.
I know for sure, this time we'll be alone. No best friend watching us or coaching her. It's going to be really tough to bite my lips and not ask that question.
I hate myself for even considering this.
Last edited by FormelyknownasF; 05/19/1006:45 AM.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
Many people feel a need for closure. Others prefer not to discuss anything. It is your life. As long as you don't expect it to work miracles, there's no harm is discussing. However, if you think that some special words will make the whole rotten situation go away, then you are in for a disappointment. And there is the potential ugly blame game. Sometimes it is better to not start the conversation than to hear that it was all your fault. But this could be the last time in your life that you see this person, so if you have something to say, and you want to say it, go ahead.
She's been contacting me to arrange the details on closing the bank account on friday. She's making this feel almost as if nothing had happened and we're just a married couple applying to get a loan.
She ends every message with "Is this ok for you?" "Thank you" etc.
I've been replying "ok" "no", etc. not more than 3 words.
I don't know how to read this.
Is she trying to be nice because in her eyes she's done nothing wrong so she's just ending this with "grace"?
or
Is she more at ease with what she did because she was able to see I'm fine ?
How should I respond to this "niceness"? I just don't want to take this as false hope.
Separated: March 1 * Affair discovered: 20-March * Exposed: 27 March * Def. separation: May 1st *
she could be just trying to get thru this with the least hassle for her. or...
She's testing you. She wants to be led. She maybe doesn't really want to make this decision.
"No wife none of this is OK with me. I have decided I won't share my wife with another man and I will do whatever I need to do to protect myself."
Let's her know exactly what you think. Short and to the point.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
She ends every message with "Is this ok for you?" "Thank you" etc.
I've been replying "ok" "no", etc. not more than 3 words.
I don't know how to read this.
sometimes there is really nothing to gather from a couple words, sometimes there is, sometimes a thank you is filled with a world of graditude, sometimes it means get out of my face, sometimes you can analyze something to death and still walk away without the slightest clue,
for prespective:
Quote:
Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird Wallace Stevens
I Among twenty snowy mountains, The only moving thing Was the eye of the blackbird.
II I was of three minds, Like a tree In which there are three blackbirds.
III The blackbird whirled in the autumn winds. It was a small part of the pantomime.
IV A man and a woman Are one. A man and a woman and a blackbird Are one.
V I do not know which to prefer, The beauty of inflections Or the beauty of innuendoes, The blackbird whistling Or just after.
VI Icicles filled the long window With barbaric glass. The shadow of the blackbird Crossed it, to and fro. The mood Traced in the shadow An indecipherable cause.
VII O thin men of Haddam, Why do you imagine golden birds? Do you not see how the blackbird Walks around the feet Of the women about you?
VIII I know noble accents And lucid, inescapable rhythms; But I know, too, That the blackbird is involved In what I know.
IX When the blackbird flew out of sight, It marked the edge Of one of many circles.
X At the sight of blackbirds Flying in a green light, Even the bawds of euphony Would cry out sharply.
XI He rode over Connecticut In a glass coach. Once, a fear pierced him, In that he mistook The shadow of his equipage For blackbirds.
XII The river is moving. The blackbird must be flying.
XIII It was evening all afternoon. It was snowing And it was going to snow. The blackbird sat In the cedar-limbs.
