IF she DOES get to the point of walking out the door :
I will be honoring my commitment to you as a husband and a father. I will hold you to yours as well. We aren't divorced, I am just protecting our children from this affair until you divorce me and your children or choose to rebuild a broken family and spare these children a lot of pain... Whichever you choose first. They should not be exposed to this affair of yours. If that means you have to leave your children and your home to learn that your commitments transcend how you feel right now then that's a tragedy I will have to stomach. I do love you.
She will likely spit on it, but you need to make it clear that if she walks out that door and goes near OM she is cheating and you do NOT condone it and WILL EXPOSE IT.
I suspect it won't come to this... I think once she realizes the OM isn't stable and you mean business she will change her tune... STICK TO YOUR BASELINE I put above for you.
As far as the OM is concerned, I think he is out of the picture at least for awhile, I don't know. He has asked her not to call him, so we'll see.
My wife now says she wants to leave, but can't because I messed up her credit.
Last night, we were watching Dr. Phil and he said, "You know you're ready for divorce when you no longer have any emotional business with your spouse." And my wife turned to me and said, "I'm ready for divorce." We argued a little about what he meant and she said, "I'm not in love with you." When I suggested she try one more time, she said, "I tried for 11 years!" I reacted and said, "Well then go ahead and get your D! Just leave me alone!" Then she left the room.
Later, I went to her and said, "I already know how you feel about me. I just ask that you not remind me every day, because it hurts to hear it. I am leaving you alone and you can leave me alone."
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
1. Do NOT watch Dr Phil with your addict wife, you are just setting yourself up for a fight with her 2. Do NOT ARGUE with an addict 3. Do NOT discuss relationship 4. Do NOT tellher to divorce you 5. Do NOT pursue her for more conversation after the fight is over.
What the hell happened to protection phase man? You are still supposed to go there whether she's in your home or not...
OK, I see. I need to do protection phase. That's going to be hard to do with her in the house. She cooks for me and initiates conversations with me to.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
And below is the FULL ARTICLE on the Dr Phil website re being ready for divorce. Your wife has blown it in the very first LINE. Tell your wife to do proper damn research before she decides to mouth off and threaten you :
Are you ready to get divorced? If you’re unhappy and think you’re ready to call it quits, answer the five questions in Dr. Phil's Divorce Readiness Test:
1. Have you done everything you can to save and rehabilitate your marriage? 2. Do you have unfinished emotional business? 3. Have you researched, planned, and prepared yourself legally for divorce? 4. Are you ready to adopt a new standard of conduct with your children? 5. Are you willing to create a new relationship as a co-parent?
Dr. Phil believes most people in America are too quick to get divorced. You shouldn't get a divorce, he says, until you’ve turned over every stone and investigated every avenue of rehabilitation possible; you have no unfinished emotional business; you’ve researched, planned and prepared yourself legally; you’re ready to adopt a new standard of conduct with your children and you’re willing to create a new relationship as a co-parent.
For more on his first two questions, read on:
Have you gotten help for your marriage? Have you exhausted all avenues of putting your marriage back together? That means everything from reading books or going to a marriage counselor, to speaking to a clergy member and spending time focusing on you and your role in what's going on.
You need to ask yourself:
What was your marriage like when it worked?
When did it go wrong? Why?
Is what you're fighting about worth breaking up your marriage?
What do you want?
What is it costing you to be in your relationship?
Are you willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work?
What are you doing to contaminate the relationship? "You know you're ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door with no anger, frustration or hurt. Otherwise, you've got unfinished business," says Dr. Phil. "Unless and until you look each other in the eye feeling peace, no hatred or resentment, you're not ready to get a divorce."
Do not make life-changing decisions in the midst of emotional turmoil. Such consequential decisions should not be made when tensions are high. Get on flat ground first so you can look at things more rationally.
Ask yourself:
Are you still in love with your spouse? Are you hurt? Are you scared? Are you angry? Are you confused? If you answered yes to any of those questions, you've failed the test. This is not the time to make life-changing decisions. You have more work to do
OK, I see. I need to do protection phase. That's going to be hard to do with her in the house. She cooks for me and initiates conversations with me to.
Walk away, show her you aren't interested in hearing it... Read OfficerInNeed's thread... OIN's wife lives with him and is fantasizing about OM. She baits the guy into fights on a daily basis... He has trouble controlling himself too.
You need to back off your wife and let her BREATHE.. you are a NOTORIOUS PURSUER ken.. you've been doing it for months.... You think because OM [i]says[i] he's gone you can just start working on your marriage and talking to your wife like nothing's happened?
She needs time to process everything... ASSUMING OM is gone and has CONVINCED HER that he's gone for GOOD... Which I doubt he's done. He likley just told her she had to wait a few months for him to get properly setup to support her.
Don't be a fool.
You turn on Dr Phil and you are headed for trouble right now. Your wife is NOT ready to WORK on your marriage yet... So ANYTHING she HEARS she is going to TWIST into an ATTACK on YOU to PROVE that YOU can't CONTROL YOURSELF.
Got it?
She's TESTING YOUR SELF-CONTROL right now... I know she has none of her own, but she's going to be testing yours... she's going to BAIT you itno a fight... She's stressed out and YOU are the nearest Punching bag.
I suspect she was doing this to OM as well, which may be why he took off.. If he did really leave.
Your wife picks on people when she gets stressed out.. she attacks them verbally.. Its' quite commnon reaction to stress...
Stay away from Dr Phil. Watch FUN LIGHTHEARTED FAMILY COMEDY... do NOT force relationship talk on her and watching Dr Phil is gonna drive her to that place and YOU TWO are gonna FIGHT.
She needs time to PROCESS her situation.
PS : Cook your own damn meals... don't let her do ANYTHING for you service-wise. SHOW her you are independent and don't NEED her. She's way too full of herself right now.. she's due for some humbling.
A quick question: This may be a trivial matter, but do you think I should go up to my wife and say "Hi" to her whenever I get home from work or is that pursual too? I usually do, but today I didn't. Not sure it even matters, really.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
Any time you try to exchange emotion with her, its pursuit right now.. LEAVE HER ALONE
Think Mr Spock.
Would he go say hi to his wife?
Steer clear until her tantrum is over.
It's interesting, you and OIN both have wives in almost the exact same situation.
Both OM are distancing themselves, WS wives don't like it and are pissed off... Both are threatening to leave you guys...
My advice is the same for both.. Steer clear and let these women grow up... reality is setting in.. it takes time.. dont' volunteer to be theri punching bag.
PS : Ken, say hi to your kids, pets, plants, EVERYTHING EXCEPT your WIFE.
Wow! That's awesome - thanks. Should I email that to my wife?
NO.. she does NOT want to hear your advice man... She needs time to GROW UP... She is NOT going to listen to reason, I told you that.
Once she realizes that OM is NOT her future and has had say three months to get OM out of her system, maybe six... THEN she will learn from that article.. NOT BEFORE
