He wants his way, no matter who it hurts, as long as it doesn't hurt HIM....the typical MLC'er will run over whoever they need to run over, to get what they want..unfortunately this can turn into a runaway train that runs down the LBS.
I still think you need to cut him TOTALLY off..no business contact, no personal contact, nothing...do what you can from your end to keep the business afloat, but stay totally away from him.
That would be my advice, take it or leave it.
When you continue to see him in a business setting, he STILL will continue to argue about getting his way..getting both of you off the business discussion..he's NOT interested in the business right now, he's MORE interested in keeping you right where he wants you so he can continue to justify what he's doing. If he can get his way, he'll calm down for a short period of time, then it will be something else, entirely, they are NEVER satisfied with getting their way in one area..they want it all and will suck the LBS dry if allowed to.
Do NOT allow him to do anything with your computer..it's just yet ANOTHER excuse for him to try and continue to get you to give in to what he wants....his anger is actually GOOD for him to experience, but you do not need to be anywhere around him...it would be better if OW got the brunt of it...and I honestly hope she does; as your husband's "true colors" will show, and hopefully run that woman right off, given some time.
We can only hope.
Ok, yes, I kinda did pull an all nighter last night between a truck inspection, unloading my load, went on over to the next shipper, and loaded my current load, early this afternoon...so I DID get some sleep.
I'm all right, got a few irons in the fire at this point; all is very well with my husband...he's getting ready to pick up his first load after having been off work for so long, and we were working out a few details over the phone this morning....the changes in him continue to become better as time goes on...I'm thinking for the first time, that we're actually out of the woods, and in the open...and I'm glad, too.
Dealing with an extended time of crisis is/was tiring, for sure.
But it will be all right, neither one of us are going anywhere, kept a good handle on this all this time...we will be all right.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
AJM - thank you so much for your post so many things you said are right on. Very well said and much appreciated. I agree with what you say and I'm working forwards it.
I'm realizing that before the last false R I was on my way to move forward and I understood that this is the time in our lives that we have to be apart to grow as individuals. If we are to be together again we have to each complete this journey and only then will we see if we can or want to rebuild.
His last false comeback really affected my state of mind and set me back quite a bit.
I will re-read your post again and again, It will give me strength to do what I know that I must.
Thank you (((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Just dropping by to offer support... I don't have anything to add that hasn't been said... You are very strong and kind to others... Be so for yourself as well..
~ This Diamond now SHINES!! ;-p ~
My Sitch in MLC - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=45253&Number=1901148#
HB - I think that yesterday's meeting helped me to get my resolve back to remain dark for now. We will see if he will continue being angry with me after he realizes that it doesn't work on me. What will he do next?
I unfortunately have to deal with him about business. I will keep most of our contact to email and be polite but very dry. I told him that I only want to meet once a week not 2x a week. And I WILL do better then the last time.
I can do it, I will write out most of what we need to discuss and will ignore any of his attempts to suck me into his drama. I will treat him as I would a very difficult customer. Customer is always right (validate) even when they are out to lunch. I'll be polite but reserved. To his offer to work on my computer I replied. Thank you but no thank you. To another email where he was telling me details of a new job I just replied OK.
I'm not going away for the weekend, after talking it over with my friends we decided to postpone it. Now my D is upset with me, because she was apparently really looking forward being on her own...hmmm
Interesting that since H came back from visiting OW he is seeing D16 every day. Invited her for dinner at his place yesterday, she couldn't but stopped at his place later and spent couple of hours with him, said that they just talked. Tonight she actually did go to his place for dinner.
I'm happy the he wants to see her, but I'm feeling very alone and left out...it feels like my family is there and I'm here by myself and not invited. Very sad....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I haven't touched base on your thread for a while but I am reading the twists and turns of your situation.
One of the things I find really difficult is the increasingly positive relationship H has with the children. Like you I feel left out and have to push it to the back of my mind. But when they get a hug I feel like joining the queue!
((Mila)) as I know this is a very difficult time for everyone.
I was thinking about what you wrote, about your WH installing computer software, and I really think you should NOT let him touch your computer. You have no idea what he might instal or look at on there besides.
Why bring this up? Because actually of OW. She is facing a D as much as you and WH. She stands to loose a lot -- her kids, her H's income, her house, and so on. Especially if her H proves infidelity. I know you have no-fault, but you also have infidelity (<1year to divorce) -- and HER H may use it to protect himself. What this means is that she will be very frightened. It also means that her H must have proof (like emails, texts, photos, etc). It also means that she, and by extension your WH, will do everything they can to protect their interests. Your WH too, he will want to protect his financial interests for his future with OW. Rightly or wrongly, and whether their future actually happens or not is still unknown, but THEIR heads will be thinking these things.
OK, I'm sure you have enough to think about without this. But you can still stand for your marriage while protecting your future. It's on my mind because I have to go back to this now too.
I'm happy the he wants to see her, but I'm feeling very alone and left out...it feels like my family is there and I'm here by myself and not invited. Very sad....
I can understand that, but I suggest you ask yourself if that's how you want to continue to feel. Your D is getting to an age where she is going to want to leave the nest. This is part of that. She also wants to have a relationship with her father and will work on that. If anything you may want to encourage that. That is not easy, but doesn't your D deserve that? To be loved by both parents? Don't discourage that for her sake. Encourage it and I think you will have nothing getting in the way of your relationship with your D.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Mila, I’m so sorry you feel so alone. I feel the same but different. I have forgiven H and even OW for what they’ve done, but I still can’t forgive our friends. That is my sticking point the most, believe it or not. I just feel so betrayed. So, when he goes to their house to have a good time, I feel so left out and just alone.
You know your D loves you and you know that as a teen, her daddy is very important to her right now. Just continue to treat them both with love and understanding and find something to keep you busy while she is with him.
Hugs.
And, yes, hmmm about the D not being happy you're not leaving her alone. LOL. Like I said, I'm sure she is a great kid, but so was I. LOLOL.
Libby - twists and turns is right...it's like a soap opera...accept you can't switch the channel...LOL
SCH - thank you for your concern, I know that I have to watch my back, H's loyalties are elsewhere right now....In our last meeting he told me that D16 & I are his priorities (???) and that he has no plans to change anything financially, that he doesn't need anything for himself accept his apartment and some food and that he will not have to support anyone else....
AJM - I'm very happy that he wants to see D16...that was my concern in the past six months, he just withdrew from her and at times would go weeks without any contact with her...I know that she loves her daddy despite what he is doing. She knows that I still love him too. I do make sure that I don't talk to her about our R, but of course she knows what's going on.
The other day she asked me if I'm going to be dating, I said...NO, I'm married to your daddy...she said well dad is doing it and he is also married...I just said "yes he is". She knows that what he is doing is wrong...she was just checking if I would do the same.
M&H - It is lonely, but that's what I have right now...so I have to make the best of it...GAL, GAL, GAL... Yes I was going "hmmm" at D's strong reaction that I'm not going away LOL
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
