Newbie.Trying with faith and hope to save marriage

[Puppy Dog Tails]

We have joint phone and he does not know I can check his calls and texts. I knew every number but 2. A cell number and landline

How do you know he doesn't know you can check this? If he IS cheating on you, he'll be typically pretty careful/paranoid, and he'd probably check to see if you had detailed billing on this account or not before he got all careless with it.

I suspect they are using the cellphone and the landline merely to set a time/place for some other form of contact (hence the short call durations). Probably instant messaging on his computer?

Puppy

[papayachic]

online.
He really is not tech savy at all. I've only text him recently in the 9 years we were together when i was beffing and pleading with him..

in average, he would only receive or send 5 texts a month and that would be to his cousin, usually "deer or turkey or any type of hunting pics"

She just text him twice today and he text her back. So thats a total of 12 texts b/w them this month

He's up at his cousin's farm recovering. Its a 50 acre farm only one "family" computer that his cousin's wife works from. He doesn't even have a car right now!!!it's horrible how this woman wants him when he's recovering, trying to get better and MARRIED.

He might think its ok bc he told me he wants a divorce. I NEVER, as all of us always say, thought this would happen. He would say if i did it to him that would be the end of us and i agreed.

[papayachic]

the top was cut off..what i was first saying is that is one way i discovered he was using by checking his phone calls online. I never told him i did this and since there were other ways as well with money trails he never suspected or knew i can just go online and check

[papayachic]

I just can't breathe. I can't believe that he ended a 9 year relationship in a short phone call and does not want to see me. He's up there, new life escaping reality. I havent seen him in two months. He called and dropped the bomb thre weeks ago,

I want to go there one evening(2 hours awaY) and I will not cry, will not scream, will not beg, I will be respectful.

I am going to say.
We did not get married until it got really bad. We got married for life. We both hit rock bottom and we are both now getting better. He cannot direct the marriage to end on a phone call. That is disrespeting the sanctity of the marriage. When you are ready for both of us as H and W to sit and discuss our marriage, the fate of our marriage, whatever that may be, then call me. But a marriage is between me and you, the two of us. Not you me and OW.

Then I'm going to leave. THen I will call OW and tell her I'm H's wife and would like for her to stay away.
Then Im going to tell his parents. THough his mom is a WAS and when i called her after he dropped the bomb all she said was, he doesnt love you anymore. there's nothing i can do.

[papayachic]

Then I will go dark. opinions? advice?

[timehealsall]

I just can't breathe. I can't believe that he ended a 9 year relationship in a short phone call and does not want to see me. He's up there, new life escaping reality. I havent seen him in two months. He called and dropped the bomb thre weeks ago,

I want to go there one evening(2 hours awaY) and I will not cry, will not scream, will not beg, I will be respectful.

I am going to say.
We did not get married until it got really bad. We got married for life. We both hit rock bottom and we are both now getting better. He cannot direct the marriage to end on a phone call. That is disrespeting the sanctity of the marriage. When you are ready for both of us as H and W to sit and discuss our marriage, the fate of our marriage, whatever that may be, then call me. But a marriage is between me and you, the two of us. Not you me and OW.

Then I'm going to leave. THen I will call OW and tell her I'm H's wife and would like for her to stay away.
Then Im going to tell his parents. THough his mom is a WAS and when i called her after he dropped the bomb all she said was, he doesnt love you anymore. there's nothing i can do.

Hugs to you sweetheart.

It seems he comes from a family of runners...

I know the desparation you are feeling. Be strong.

[papayachic]

ok I did some research. He's staying at his cousin's farm.His cousin's wife is all into holistic medicine. THose books are ALL over the house, she goes to holistic retreats, yoga, etc....

H told me last month he was getting help holistically. This "OW" that they've texted each other 15 times, and spoken on the phone every day for 3 weeks for a few minutes, well, I found out her full name and researched her. She's a "holistic life coach". This could be still "OW" or she could be "helping him".

If she's helping him, I'm sure she's telling him, do what makes you happy? avoid all bad energy? etc....(I kept saying he's escaping reality)

How do I fight this?

[papayachic]

He just left me a voicemail.

It said
"Hey. Hope you had a good weekend. I wanted to know when you were sending up my credit card. I also wanted to know if you looked into divorce and started anything if not I will need to talk to someone to start it. Call me as soon as you can. Bye".




Can someone advise me as to what to do

[papayachic]

do any vets have any advise/comments

[MrBond]

Don't respond back to him. Wait until he calls a couple more times later and say that you've been "out" and so couldn't call him back.

If he asks you for details, just say that you were "out" and tell him that you're looking at things differently now and will take care of things. Then just say that you have a call on the other line and need to go. Say 'bye' then hang up. Do not give him any details.

You have to show him that the world does not revolve around him and that you are moving on with YOUR life. Make him feel what you're feeling now which is wondering what the other is doing.