Yes she knows where I live, she was even in our house while I was at home once, believe it or not. This is a long time ago when I didn't know that they were having an affair... he brought her into his home office one day supposedly to talk about a job that he was doing for her company. I had no clue and didn't suspect ....I was totally trusting him then. And who knows maybe she was here after as well when I was not home...B-turds.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Maybe one of our wise DBers can explain this type of behavior from the MLCer as I have often wondered why they are so insensitive to our feelings. The MLCer can't seem to comprehend why those things would upset us and their children.
SA - You know that this is probably an issue that I have the hardest time with? The insensitivity to our feelings. OK he is cheating, I have to accept that, but can't you just crawl under some rock with her and show me and our D some respect and keep the whole disgusting affair out of our faces?
Last edited by Mila; 05/24/1012:19 AM.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
It seems to me like H has moved on to wanting you to "accept" him with OW. I don't know why or what his game is, but I'm certain this is a game to him. He's trying to get a reaction from you. I think it has to do with his last spew... review what he said again and try to remember more and you may know what he's doing. It may still hurt, but knowing is very helpful... didn't he say he's moved on and he doesn't know why you can't accept it? Something like that. I have to file my taxes tonight so I don't have time to go back and read, sorry.
M&H - I think that this is the quote that you were referring to. He said this at our last Starbucks meeting, that's a month after telling me that he wants to R and that he thinks that the affair was a mistake....
Quote:
He also said that even though he lied to me before that he is now very truthful with me and hopes to regain my trust, and why don't I just get over it, it's been already six months since he told me that he wants to be with OW (in between told me 3 times that he wants to be with me), and put the past behind already and that he would like to be friendly with me but I'm not letting him
I don't know...what does he want? To forget the last 36 years, to be happy with just being his friend and to accept OW and become her friend as well? Also he couldn't be sure that I would see them driving by or playing tennis together...but the chances were pretty high.
Or maybe he is punishing me for cutting him off and is flaunting his new "relationship" at me...like saying..."You see I don't care that you are not talking to me I'm having good time anyway" That would be pretty childish...but then again that would fit the MLC script.
Or he is totally oblivious to everything and living in his fantasy world, nor even thinking why he does what he does and that there was not a thought in his head how his actions may affect others.
I know, I know...I'm analyzing an alien....human rules don't apply...so there is probably no point...
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Mila try not to over analyze. Remember MLC is all about selfishness. I am sure your h is oblivious to what he does. No thought into who is affected, but that he is doing as he chooses. That is the sad reality.
Keep the focus on you and D and what you need to stay strong and move forward.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I think they are capable of manipulations, so I believe he was thinking this through.
I think you nailed it, Mila, he's punishing you.
Let's go with that... no need to analyze further because in the long run, it doesn't even really matter, does it? His mood and mind will be changed by tomorrow or next week or whenever.
It doesn't change what you are doing, but to me, in my life, it does help when I understand his motivation... or at least have a reasonable explanation for what he's doing. I find I am more compassionate and detached, in some odd way, when I can say "he's hurt" or "he's angry at no contact" or whatever.
M&H - You think that he was thinking it through...I'm inclined to believe that. He didn't have to tell D what he was doing in the neighborhood, she didn't ask, yet he told her, knowing that she will probably tell me.
And he only picked up his tennis racket from the house after he found out that I'm going to play tennis on Saturday. And on Sunday he is playing with OW next to our house. They must have gone to buy her a tennis racket....I'm sure that she didn't bring one with her on the plane.
It's just weird....Like you M&H I like to understand...but this is beyond me
Glam - you have a good point I shouldn't over analyze...I'll drive myself crazy LOL
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Mila - I've been doing some reading and I came across a line in one of HB's posts that stated that the MLCer has gone back to a time before we existed in their lives. Maybe that's why they do the things they do without regards to our feelings. In their heads they're reliving a youth before they married us and had children.
When you think about the big picture in this it's hard for me not to have compassion for my H. I can't even begin to imagine how screwed up and jumbled his mind must be. No wonder they dart back into the tunnel after moments of clarity. Their brains must go on sensory overload and they can't take it and run back to what they consider their safe place where they don't have to deal with it.
Like you, I want to understand it as much as possible as it helps me to deal with the sitch.
Just a few of my random thoughts, could be off base...
