Males talk when their hands are busy. How do men socialize - sports, hunting, projects. Do something with him to get him talking. If you are interested in what he is doing, join in with him and compliment him on his skills it goes a long way. Doing it for the reasons you mentioned is true giving.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Women often mistakenly believe that us guys like to be complimented on our LOOKS, or some other thing. But nothing pleases most men like being complimented on our COMPETENCE.
Find something he is genuinely good at, and then TELL him he's good at it. "You're such a good coach, Puppy" -- from my wife -- is pure gold to me.
How do men socialize - sports, hunting, projects. Do something with him to get him talking. If you are interested in what he is doing, join in with him and compliment him on his skills it goes a long way.
Thank you Coach - I shall do my very best. PG.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Thank you, too Puppy! I appreciate the insights and it gives me a few ideas as to where to start. Just simple statements with no response from him required, though right? The odd time I've tried this in the past I think I've overdone it (and like you said, likely focused on the wrong kind of thing) and annoyed him. Anything other tips? You can't imagine how much I appreciate a mans POV on this.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Just sharing some results! Last night, I tried out your 'men talk when their hands are busy' insight. It worked!!! While H was making dinner, I brought up an issue that is less emotionally charged than R, but that he similarly finds it tough to talk about. (Thought I'd better try something a little 'safer' for us as a testing ground.) And you know? He talked! Not to an extensive length, but a heck of a lot more than what I'd heard before! Promising results! What a great feeling to know that my H might share something important with me. Even that little bit makes me feel - well - like I'm kind of important *to* him and that he might have more respect for me and my opinion than what I'd thought! This gives me the courage to keep trying it. Thanks again guys!
Oh! PS I also tried out your 'compliment the competence' insight too - I think it really caught him off guard! I just stated it simply, without a lot of fuss then shut my mouth... the look on his face was priceless! I don't think he knew what to say! Thanks again - really appreciate the advice!
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Prairiegirl, Coach is right about the 'men talk when their hands are busy' bit. And we learned this firsthand while raising our sons. We read a book called The Wonder of Boys that helped us understand how boys are hardwired for communication in ways different from their sisters! And reading this book helped me understand all of the men in my life a little better. You might enjoy it, too, PG! Cheers ~ Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Oh that's interesting, Greek, thank you! I will definitely read that book. We don't have any kids ourselves, and I've got one brother but he lives far away so we don't often get the chance to really talk. So the insights on how men communicate are greatly appreciated! Thanks again and have a nice day!
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
PG - I've taught middle schoolers for many years, and I can tell you this book is DEAD ON when it comes to communication styles of the fellas. And I observe it in my brothers, as well.
Glad to help! Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Women often mistakenly believe that us guys like to be complimented on our LOOKS, or some other thing. But nothing pleases most men like being complimented on our COMPETENCE.
Find something he is genuinely good at, and then TELL him he's good at it. "You're such a good coach, Puppy" -- from my wife -- is pure gold to me.
Puppy
Love this! Another great insight! Thanks!
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
a good book i just read that helped understand male and female needs (and how they look very diff't): How to Improve your Marriage without Talking about it
Thanks again - really appreciate the advice!