Newbie.Trying with faith and hope to save marriage

[papayachic]

Thank you Mr. Bond.

After yesterday's voicemail, he called and left me another message this morning. It said,

"Hey. I called you yesterday. You didnt call back. Did you send up credit card? Did you look/into start divorce? If not I'm making a phone call today. If I don't here from you today I will make a phone call to start the divorce. Bye"


I am just so scared. Are there any posters in here who spouse filed and there was still a light at the ned of the tunnel?

He is just moving SO quickly our of anger and resentment.

Any comments on this situation?

[CityGirl]

I understand you are scared but you can't stop him from filing for divorce. You are under no obligation to assist him in the matter.

I would simply respond:

H: Yes, I sent the credit card. No, I have not looked into divorce nor do I have any plans to.

If he makes noise you don't have to listen to it. Simply tell him you will retain counsel if and when it is necessary.

[timehealsall]

I agree with CityGirl. I would do as she says.

if this is what he wants, then put the ball in his court.

[Onthemountaintop]

Do make sure to reply. Avoiding the call and avoiding him will not help you deal with your situation or emotions. Avoiding his requests will only leave him anxious and frustrated...how will that lead to something good?

Be clear on where you stand, and where you'd like to go. As CG said, he'll do what he does about the divorce.

[papayachic]

Do make sure to reply. Avoiding the call and avoiding him will not help you deal with your situation or emotions. Avoiding his requests will only leave him anxious and frustrated...how will that lead to something good?

Be clear on where you stand, and where you'd like to go. As CG said, he'll do what he does about the divorce.

then do you advise I call back? Or text him a quick text. "Today is my sister's graduation. Call me tomorrow evening to reach me

[Onthemountaintop]

I think the grad is a great reason for the delay...helps him understand that you have things going on too (not being malicious).

[papayachic]

ok will text him that short and sweet

and tomorrow when he calls I will take all your advice.
State Ive been busy
State no I havent looked into D and have no plans to
State clearly where I stand
end convo first

[papayachic]

Thank you all.
I'm off to be with family and enjoy my sister's graduation.

[papayachic]

I sent him the text. "Sister's graduation. Reach me tomorrow evening"

He called back 5 minutes later and i panicked and did not pickup. He said,
"Hey, I got your text. First off congrats to your sis. Tell her Im really proud of her. But I called you twice in 2 days. I need to know if you've done anything to start divorce if not I have someone here who can do everything quickly as long as we're on the same page. Call me bacj so we can talk for 5 minutes because I really want to call him now".



While I was at the graduation dinner.
H's cousin's gf text me to see hoe i was doing. I told her I was shocked that he wanted a divorce and didnt want to even see me.

She told me that she assumed we were getting a divorce because a few weeks ago 3 or 4, (he told me he wanted a divorce 3 weeks ago), he brought a woman to the family summer house. All his cousin's and significant others were there. They stayed for a while. He did not introduce her as anything but they all assumed girlfriend. He made no effort to keep it a secret. THis family house is 10 minutes from the farm he's staying at.

Everyone, I am done. Whether this woman is OW or holisitc life coach or both, that was so disrespectful.
This was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I also found out on Sunday that I'm pregnant. Took 3 pregnancy tests and am just so sad.

I will go up there tomorrow and confront him at the farm. Will not yell or cry. Will only be there for two minutes.
Will say
"9 years together and the sanctity of this marriage deserve for a husband and wife to discuss their marriage face to face. Not for everything to be done via phone. THis marriage is between you and me, not you me and OW or other outside influences. When you are ready to give me, the marriage and God the respect it calls for, then let me know. I did not want to talk over the phone and came here face to face to tell you I'm pregnant. You let me know when we can discuss the fate of our marriage together" THen I will leave

Anyone, please, please....any advice

[MrBond]

Sorry to hear about the mixed blessings.

Do not talk to him in person. IMO, send him the following message.

"I do not wish to talk to you concerning a divorce at this time because I have found out we are pregnant."

Then end it. DO NOT say when you will contact him again. You are right, he is being disrespectful. Now the ball is in your court. He will believe you are weighing options and start contacting you like crazy.

Turn your phone off after you send the message so you are not tempted to respond to him.