I see Jack's point but Glam & dudess "girls just wanna have fun" right?
I did read somewhere that it's a wrong strategy to try to make WAH guys jealous...apparently it may backfire, they are not as forgiving as girls...Maybe jack has a point...it's coming from a guy...something to think about.
BTW I don't think it would make any difference if I walked around naked while he is into the OW. But I agree...I want to be as attractive and sexy as I can, without playing games. I actually think that it is for me, to boost my self esteem after being rejected so brutally. It feels good to see other guys looking (at my age)...not that I'm going to act on it (yet).
GAG - thanks for the coupon tip and I've always been "handy" and took over many maintenance things around the house throughout our marriage. Anything from tiling, painting, staining, renovation work, to repairing toilets and changing light bulbs. The only thing that I don't mess with is electricity...maybe something to learn as well. H was handy, but not motivated...had to nag him into doing stuff...so what I could I did myself.
Kissak, once I'm sure that I can handle having him around I don't mind if H comes and does some yard work. I'm like you I won't ask him for help, I will rather pay someone or do it myself.
Today's news:
Wanted to plan my weekend so I asked D about this weekend trip that H is taking her on. She said that they are going to some dude ranch. That is interesting because I cc'd WH an email where I was confirming my dude ranch trip (only cc'd him because he was dealing with the people until now). He must be so mad that he is not going, that he quickly arranged to take D to one this weekend.
D doesn't want to go. She said "he is making me, he said we are going and that's that, didn't ask for my opinion and if I tell him that really don't want too he is going to be mad at me". I said it's going to be good to spend some time together, you must miss him. D replied "I don't miss him at all"...all this in a very defiant tone of voice. So I hope that she will get over it, otherwise he is going to have one miserable weekend with peeved-off teenager.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
SW - I know, exactly. I hope that D will get over her anger towards him and tries to have some fun. This is the first time since the bomb that they are away together.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
We have a timeshare that we use for family vacations...that's the reason we got it to go together as a family. I have on line access since I was the one who took care of everything.
Just got a request from H for all of the info including passwords. I asked why does he want it and he replied, because I don't have it and I want to see what's available.
He probably wants to book a vacation for him and OW, how dare he. I replied that I will give it to him if he is trying to book something for him and D....haven't heard back
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Yes Mila, you are right I don't think jealousy is attractive, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to look your best and maybe a little sexy too. It just makes me feel good and confident.
I like to look at it putting my best foot forward regardless of my sitch. Do I want to just throw on some sweat pants when I run to the grocery store or do I want to present myself in a better light.
Like today I go the store in black shorts, hot pink top, black jacket, hair fixed and wouldn't you know I bumped into an old friend and he said wow Glam you look awesome. Now that sure helped my self esteem.
Remember this journey is about us too. With all the negatives and discouragement being thrown at us, we need to take time for ourselves too. Well this is just one way that I do that.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I hope your are okay. I want you to know that I am thinking about you and praying for God to give you the strength and peace.
I read your thread and it really touched me.
Quote:
I recognize that I definitely have some co-dependency issues...after 36 years together it's probably normal
IMO it is normal especially given the length of your R. Having said this, I think you may want to explore this side of you a little more to better understand the true reason as to why you were CD. Another issue may be "backround" withdrawal. I read where often one of the issue the LBS goes thru is the withdrawa of the spouse from the background. You are used to seeing H around and not that he is not you may be going thur this type of withdrawal.This is very normal. I too am going thru this.
Quote:
It's very hard for me to let go probably because I still can't believe inside that he could switch like that and I'm fighting it....so my inability to detach is also about acceptance....I haven't fully accepted it.
OMGH - I sooooo now how you feel. Maybe I have accepted mine but the pain is still there. Mila you will accept this when you are ready to. We can all tell you to detach but doing it is soo hard. The one thing I guess I can tell you is that if you do not get to a point of detachment and acceptance that you will never heal. WHen I say acceptance I do not mean give up. I mean to accept that your H will make his own choices. He will do what he feels is right. THe acceptance I speak of is an acknowledgement that nothing youi do can change it. Nothing. You cannot control him or his feelings so you must and I stress really focus on yourself.
Mila - he may seem happy but really we don"t know. I know that my W seem happy. They feel the in love feelig that comes with an A. Can this last? Probably not. Will he regret this? Yes> What will you do with this time? HEAL.
Mila you have been through a lot. YOu have tolerated more than anyone I know. Now...it is your time. It is your time to let him and OM fall on there face.
Mila _ I need to see your strength!
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
GAG you might try Macy's or Nordstroms for some softer lace. If it's a little scratchy I have some nice soft lingerie body skirts and tops that I wear under my lace. Makes for a cute outfit even if it is just for bed. Ha Ha!
My h showed up late one night by suprise and asked me if I always wear lace to bed. Hmmmmmm caught him by suprise. I didn't wear it to catch a response, it was just what I felt like wearing that night. Little did I know my h would show up by suprise. Ha Ha!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Hey Glam - I agree there is nothing wrong with wanting to look great and sexy. I do my best And I enjoy the attention when people compliment me...it sure is a confidence booster after we got kicked to the curb by our WH. And BTW H always notices if I have something new on and often says "you look great", come to think of it he comments on my looks much more now then he ever did before....how weird is that.
Eric - I'm great, thanks for asking...I hope that you are too Something finally clicked with me and I think that I'm back where I was before the last false R, actually further. It took this long...I can't believe how much he pulled me back in with his last flip flop.
I'm feeling pretty detached, hopefully it will last, NO... IT WILL LAST. I've been using the stop sign, does anyone else use it? I'm amazed how well it works for me. Every time I think of him, or the past, or the pain or of OW or anything emotional I raise a stop sigh in my mind...kind of visualize it and the thought is stopped instantly. Works like magic.
Eric I do continue to work on the CD issue, because I still feel like a Siamese twin that got separated from her other half. But I know that I'll be OK and that I can make a happy life for myself. I miss him, but I don't need him.
Acceptance - I think that I'm progressing there as well, today I feel that I have accepted the reality of where we are now. One of the reasons that I feel that I have accepted it is that I'm ready to tell my mom, she still doesn't know anything and I was stalling, protecting her from pain and H from shame, because I was still hoping that he will come to his senses. At this point I'm ready to tell her what's going on.
The pain is still there, for that I use my "Stop Sign" it works those thoughts.
Eric - I feel strong today "Rambo" strong LOL...bring it on
I'm just being silly now.
Actually I have some good news, it's interesting how the universe works. My good friend that has moved to Europe just called me that they have decided to move back. She will come first with her D (my D's best friend) and her H will follow later, when their house sells and when he finds a job here. My friend & her D will stay with us in the meanwhile, it could be months. I'm so excited. My house will be alive again. This girlfriend has so much energy that she will not let me be depressed, life will be buzzing around here. So stoked
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Your friend coming to stay is good news. The right people always come along at the right time to support us and help us in life.
I am glad to hear that you are able to detach more. It is something I am learning as find as I get better at it the hurt is less, though I do slip occasionally lol
Two teenagers! One, not happy to be there....