I'm having No Contact with my H for the past 2 weeks. Had him informed he could take it up with the attorneys. Every time he called from where he is living with a girl our oldest son's age, he was yelling at me about something I had absolutely no control over. Am I overdoing the 180? How can anything be fixed if we have no communication?
The REAL type of no communication because you simply do not communicate, one person doest talk, one person isn't there...basically impossible to communicate.
And then there is the type of no communication that exists because one of the two people involved...but more than likely both are trying to make their point so hard that they do not even hear what the other person is saying. Either they are yelling or trying to prove the other wrong, or using guilt or...crap like that.
Willing to bet, that when you think you were communicating...you really weren't.
Edit - Right now...the REAL No communication seems damaging...because HOW can you make him see reason unless you talk to him? Right?
Well it is MUCH LESS damaging than the way your were communicating.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 05/24/1011:00 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I see you found your way over here to the MLC board. Were you able to do any reading from the resources yet? If you have was there anything in the material that fit your H's words or actions? If you haven't Old Pilot should be along soon and so very kindly links us up to the resources.
If you have questions, ask away. Lots of wisdom that folks who have traveled this path before generously pay forward.
I did do some reading last night and this afternoon. I understand we weren't communicating even when we talked, but I feel so left out of a life I practically livedfor for 20 years. Just found out he is having another back surgery day after tomorrow. Not that he let any of his family know, especially me. Guess this is a good time to see if the girlfriend is cut out for the old spinal surgery surprise.
You aren't ahhh...suggesting that YOU tell the girlfriend about it are you? Or address her in anyway, right?
That is generally a bad idea.
You attack the OW and the MLCer...or WAS defends them, it is that simple. You attack, you lose. It might feel good...right up until they both make you into the crazy biotch bad guy.
AND...to an outsider...the LBSer that does confront...does look like the crazy person. We do..sad to say, but we do.
PS - : ) Thanks Walking.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 05/24/1011:56 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
Your list of books is good to start with. I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready. I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read. This is my new and improved list of links.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Remember that in the stages of MLC it does NOT go 1,2,3,4,5,6 but can get all mixed up and repeat itself and have more than one stage at once. Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Thank you all for the support. No, I wasn't suggesting confronting the girlfriend. My daughters have done that enought and it's still always my fault. I totally took myself off of Facebook so OW could quit taunting me. As for the reading, I'll get to it after work today. All I meant was, now SHE gets to see some of what I have lived with for the past 5 years, the surgeries, the drinking, the depressions, etc. I have only contacted him through my lawyer for the past two weeks, he the same, but now he is contesting charges I made on our mutual account at a book store before he left. Believe it or not, the book, Surviving An Affair
Punkin are you protecting yourself financially? It's a very good idea if you haven't, to get your finances separated. Most MLCers spend like crazy and the last thing you need is your H running up debt that you would be responsible for, too.
Let us know what you think after reading in the resources. If MLC fits you'll get great advice here, if not, we can get you directed elsewhere for help.
All the suggested literature I have read suggests that "the affair usually lasts less than 6 months after being brought to light." Now, I'm seeing articles suggesting a MLC affair could last up to 2 years. 2 YEARS!!!!!I love the sorry SOB, but who could hang on that long? Which opinion is closer to right?
