Kids will test and push you to find the limits, the boundaries that they need. By asserting those boundaries, you are proving to them that you CARE and love them enough to make the hard decisions. You can't try to be their friend or worry if they "like" you - they need you to LOVE them.
This is so true. But kids in these situations are already messed up because of the situations themselves, and it's hard under the circumstances to enforce those boundries...and the kids will try to manipulate things too! It doesn't change the fact though that your statement is absolutely true. Thanks for the reminder.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Just sitting at home with the kids and reading the boards, cruising FB, and observing people. I hate to see how many people hate tomorrow because they don't have someone in their life to give them something. And lets face it, the media is not helping. Every other commercial is some sappy attempt to convince you that their product is the best way to show love. So here we are....and what we all have in common is that the person we loved, the person we wanted to make tomorrow special for us, has removed themself from that role. They told us they didn't love us anymore, maybe they never loved us, that we were not loveable, that it was our fault. So I see a lot of people who dread what tomorrow stands for. I have decided it stands for nothing. Heck, that is what my X used to say, it was just a holiday manufactured by card makers and candy companys. (Ironically it is the day he chose to marry the OW, which just proves to me he is beyond crazy.) Does having someone in your life on Valentines Day make you a better person? Would you honestly rather still be in the obviously flawed relationship with your X, or be alone. I would rather be alone....actually I am not alone, I have 4 amazing children and no regrets. So tomorrow is February 14th...a day.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
yup...and valentines day used to bea day where people could leave insults for you without worry about retribution....
I am glad at least it isn't like that anymore because I would hate to get that one that said you're a fat balding middle aged so and so and everyone hates you!!!
I would rather eat half price chocolate on feb 15th for sure!!!!
I didn't make it to Target today.....didn't go anywhere. I have been off of work for 2 and 1/2 weeks because of the snow and I have been completely non-productive! I feel a little bit guilty! LOL But obviously not enough to actually get off my butt and do something! I have never been an overly-motivated person....one of X's big complaints about me. eh, who cares!
And I obviously only post the good pictures! LOL
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I'm going to Target tomorrow! lol, my usual stop after any major holiday, he he. Thank goodness for the snow, it eclipsed all the valentine crapola, Last year I hosted a small meetup dot com dinner for single parents, this year there wasn't enough people, so we just went to my brother's house and had a good time watching a movie and playing with the babies (suzy, check out my FB post for that day, he he)
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Ok, I had to go back 6 pages to revive my thread! LOL I need to vent a little and figured it would be best on my own thread.
Late Monday night I got an e-mil from the X asking if we could change his Tuesday 5-8pm visit for Wednesday. On Wed's D12 has dance and S10 has a baseball game, so it is not a good night to trade because X has a history of either being late getting kids to their events or not taking them at all. I also had plans that were made over a month ago for dinner with a very close group of friends. So I said that wouldn't work. So he sent this: Can you think of any other solution, my nieces High School graduation is tonight in Maryland at 7:30PM...with tonight not being a sleep over it makes it impossible for the kids to go. I am not so sure that they would be to excited to begin with, however I do not want to lose time with them either.
The kids did not want to go, he was correct about that. Here was my response: Well, considering that you got two extra hours yesterday, and Shane stayed an extra night with you last week, we can just call it even. I have plans for tonight, but will make arrangements to accomodate the last minute change. Obviously this is something that was planned quite some time ago. I would greatly appreciate more than 18 hours notice when you are changing plans. This is not the first time he has done this at the last minute, which makes me have to change my plans.
His response: There are times that when I have to travel that you never trade with me. In addition the children should be with me half of the time, versus the limited amount of time that they do spend with me. I was not aware of the graduation dates and times until recently, that happens in big families like Linda and mine...As far as you having to change plans no need, if it is a problem just let me know drop them off at the scheduled time and they will return at the scheduled time...
The only times I haven't "traded time" is when he throws this last minute crap at me and we already have things planned, so there isn't really time to trade. Schools know their graduations well in advance and most graduates mail out announcements at leat a month before the graduation (they want the cards with the $$$!) so I am not buying that crap. And the large family that he is talking about it crap as well. He does not speak to his one sister and as far as I know, she just has the one sister who lives close enough to interact with.
This was my response sent at 10:15 am, he read it at 1:40 pm There have been times that I have traveled and I offered the days to you with no expectation of taking time in exchange because it was my choice to be gone. I am not going to drop the kids off if you are not going to be there, that woukd be pointless. The purpose of them being there is to spend time with you. You said you were not aware of graduation date and time until recently, but I am sure you knew before last night. All I am asking is that you give me more than 18 hours notice. This isn't the first time you have done this, I would appreciate if it was the last. Thank you.
I didn't take the kids to his house. It is 30 minutes each way and they would have been there without seeing him. I do not see any purpose in them spending an hour in the car for no reason. They agree with me. They stayed home last night with a neighbor keeping an eye out for them while i wass gone for a few hours.
I got a nasty voicemail at 6:00 saying that they were waiting for the kids to be dropped off but apparently I had made a flippant decision and violated his time. That in the future we would stick to the schedule as written, no changes. Ironic considering he is the one who constantly wants changes made. And the only changes I have ever made have benefitted him!
I honestly feel like the kid issue is a matter of possesion for him. He wants control....not what's best for the kids. Why would they go to his house (an hour in the car total) to be babysat?! (If he had told me he wasn't going I would have brought the kids. I still can't figure out if he went or not.)And as I pointed out, I have asked him to take the kids when I have to go somewhere and didn't take away any of his time in exchange. As a matter of fact, Fathers Day falls on my weekend, but I had every intention of offering to let him have the kids from that Saturday night, even though his vacation time with them starts that Monday, so I wouldn't see them for over two weeks even though we have in our written agreement that neither of us can take more than two consecutive weeks. I so want to be a vindictive bit$#.....but will probably end up offering the time to him anyway. I tend to do the right thing, even though he is an a$$.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I like the snarky response from him about sticking to the schedule WHEN HE WANTED THE CHANGE INT HE 1st PLACE!!!
He's the only one who has ever wanted to trade time. The few times I was going to be away I asked him if he would like to have the kids with him rather than me getting someone else to watch them. And I didn't say, then I won't bring them over on your next day with them to get the time back. he was given the time.
Quote:
I want to sock him in the jaw
I want to watch!!!!!!
What is it about the walk away spouse and the sense of persecution and entitlement!!!!!!! Makes me crazy!!! Last week he was boo-hooing about only being a part-time dad. Sorry, no sympathy from me, it was your CHOICE! I have to be away from my kids while the woman who got involved with you while you were married plays mom to my kids!!! Not my choice!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Last year I hosted a small meetup dot com dinner for single parents, this year there wasn't enough people, so we just went to my brother's house and had a good time watching a movie and playing with the babies (suzy, check out my FB post for that day, he he)