Newbie.Trying with faith and hope to save marriage

[MrBond]

That's perfect!

What he probably wanted to "discuss" with you was that she's just a friend, don't get the wrong idea, blah blah blah.

So again, silence is your best weapon.

[Onthemountaintop]

I think you need to call. Theres a baby involved.

[MrBond]

OTM,

I'm not saying that she never call him back. Just not right away. Plus he's already said he doesn't care for the baby. Let him stew on his words for a bit.

All this is counter-intuitive but lets face it, when she did respond to him before, he treated her like sh*t. Now that there's no response, he's actually alot nicer.

[papayachic]

I can't take it anymore.

I am so angry. I spoke to his aunts and uncles. They were crying. Telling me they love me. Telling me what he's doing is wrong. He brought her up to one of their houses but he didn't stay long.


He met her because the farm where he's staying at to recover, she works on the horses and house a cabin behind there. They were thrown into work together. She claims she is starting a holistic health coach business but is strapped for money do working on the farm.

I feel ready. I want to go up there and expose him, call her and call her parents to shame her.

I want to tell him,
"You are married H. We are having a baby. I want to be married in a loving, caring, respectful marriage. I saved you from death. Through two years of you hitting rock bottom, I picked you up. I saved you. I told you to come up here. I will go on with my life with my baby. You abandoned the one woman who will ever love you and. You abondoned your own baby. Your own flesh and blood. You broke a home. You told me you did not even know if you wanted to recognize the baby. That sums up the person you've become. I want a marriage w the old H. This one, I don't know. I hope you can look at yourself in the mirror and know that you abondoned your partner of 9 years, your unborn child for OW."

Then I'll call her and say
" This is H's W. H is married! He is having our baby. He is only 3 months clean and he came up here bc I wanted him to get help. You broke a home. You're having an affair w a married man w a child on the way. I hope you can live w yourself"

Then I'll call her parents.

[MrBond]

I can tell you the speech isn't going to work. That's actually in DB. Stay strong and IN CONTROL. I still believe your silence is going to speak volumes more than your actual words.

[Onthemountaintop]

I want to tell him,...

So tell him. What do you have to lose? Is there a high chance words that hurt you will come up? Yes. It is better to say something than say nothing and have regrets.

[MrBond]

OTM, I believe she did tell him alot of this already (just not in the same way). And all he did was get angry and throw it back in her face.

He knows she knows. His family knows. And so he's unsure of what she's going to do. That's the perfect position of control for PC. Think about it this way. The LBS is driving themselves crazy because they are always wondering what the WAS is doing. In this case, she has turned the tables. In her silence and short answers, he's actually been much more polite to her.

It's a fake sort of interest he has right now, because he wants to know what she knows. YOu know the script. If she says what she wants to above, he's going to say that the OW is just a friend, that they don't have a R, etc. With that knowledge is power.

She's in a war for her M. In war you don't let the enemy see your hand. You make them wonder, unsure of what your next move is going to be. After awhile, he'll be thinking that she's absolutlely pissed with him, and that's when she can come out and be totally nice to him which isn't what he expected. After awhile of that, she can cut him off again with silence and he'll wonder if she's mad again.

This push and pull of him is what will get him back. IMO.

[papayachic]

I see what both of you are saying. But I think he doesn't care that I know.

The minute after I sent him the text message last night, he called her and they spoke for 20 minutes. THat was the longest in this past month.

Then today, as far as right now, they've called each other 11 times!! Some of them as long as 30 minute convos when they would only do at most 2-3 minute convos

So isn't this enabling the affair? I just don't know

[MrBond]

Think of it as an addiction. When you take the drug away from him he wants it more. The OW is his crutch. So unless you can arrange for a major intervention, he's going to keep going back to the OW.

Would his family be willing to stage an affair intervention?

[papayachic]

Think of it as an addiction. When you take the drug away from him he wants it more. The OW is his crutch. So unless you can arrange for a major intervention, he's going to keep going back to the OW.

Would his family be willing to stage an affair intervention?

Nope...though they are disgusted. "None of their business", "He's an adult", "They hope he realizes what he's doing"...


They are very nice people but def not aggressive like my family. If I had an A, even though they are my parents, they would tell me to tell H or else they would out me. That is not the case with his.