Oh BTW. Speaking of apologies, I actually told my W tonight I needed one from her. Not necessarily to hear that she was wrong, but to show that I could trust her. Since her boss (the OM) came to my working place and tried to get me fired she hasn't had any reaction to my feelings.
Well F* that. I decided to do what DB says in the book. To ask for what I need. After explaining to her, she said she understood. She sounded sad. But oh well. I said my piece and it was good to get it off my chest.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
New day and I am laughing as I read my posts from last night... so annoyed I was over nothing! I got up early today (and went to bed way too late!) and cleaned my kitchen, took the dog for a long walk, paid bills and went to yoga. Now I am ready to work for the day and have dinner with my sister and my neighbor tonight. Today's mantra... NO MORE BS!
I am sure my H was just feeling nostalgic last night. It happens. I have experienced it myself but don't contact him when I am feeling that way.
My H has apologized to me in an indirect way but it is always followed by something (a but, excuse or something else). He has told me he never meant to hurt me (okay but you did hurt me!) and he once told me he only can see things through his bubble and he is just not ready to see anything more. He also told me recently that it has been over two years and I should be over it and not hurt anymore. LOL!
I posted this before but in Jan. 2009 he saw a "counselor" three times for guilt. She told him if you just say you are sorry but explain your side of it (IOW: it is okay to justify) then the guilt will go away and it falls on the other person. Nuts, right?
I will always have some sort of feeling for my H. I am not sure I can articulate the feelings but we were married for 10 years, together for 13 years and that equates to 1/3 of our lives.
Last Nov. my H told me he would do whatever he had to do to earn my trust and respect back then I never heard from him again. So, I don't put any stock in his words as his actions never seem to match what he says.
Well, H started texting me again. He said he was sorry about last night and he just figured I would be at the event. He said he thinks about me all the time but his thoughts of me are especially powerful when he goes somewhere we used to go.
I waited a bit and texted him back that I really didn't have a response and certain thoughts happen from time to time.
"So may you forgive as you've been forgiven, may you give to others what's been given to you, may you set someone free and find out that it was you, and may you do it today, because you might not have the chance tomorrow."
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
I feel just fine! I am sure he feels stupid today (I would, lol!) so no worries. My guess is he had a few beers in him last night and lost his mind for a minute.
Off to walk the dog and have dinner with my sister and friend!
I don't know why I felt so nutty the past few days but now I feel better. What else can I do?
I feel just fine! I am sure he feels stupid today (I would, lol!) so no worries. My guess is he had a few beers in him last night and lost his mind for a minute.
Off to walk the dog and have dinner with my sister and friend!
I don't know why I felt so nutty the past few days but now I feel better. What else can I do?
Yeah, def a drunkie moment. He probably doesn't remember all of it lol and is just piecing it together lol
Glad you are having a wonderful evening. I hope your good mood is contagious. I need some!
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
It's not as if I hate him and I do think I have achieved some level of forgiveness (for me really) but I am not all the way there yet.
What is stunning to me is how he can just text me like nothing has happened. The last text he sent (aside from this week) was how he was moving in with his mistress and how super happy he was and how things were going so great.
IMO texting things like that is simply mean (about his R I mean). I am sure he doesn't think it's mean but IMO it's unnecessary and simply creates a bigger divide. A "hey, I am moving here is my new address" would have been more appropriate IMO.
