The other thing that WW does is to accuse me of being selfish.
WW also tries to use our DD's against me by telling me that a D or separation would negatively affect them emotionally and that their activities would have to be cut because of finances.
If it came to D I'm certain she would tell her friends that it's my fault because I'm being selfish and only thinking of my needs/desires.
I also don't know what to tell my DD's if we do separate.
Now I realize that it is on her and I've told her that she will own any negative consequences if we do separate or D.
Last edited by loweinsd51; 06/05/1004:19 AM.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
Now I realize that it is on her and I've told her that she will own any negative consequences if we do separate or D.
Can you afford your house payments/rent alone right now? I don't know how much that matters though.
My thinking is that an A or EA is terribly disrespectful to you, your kids and your M.
You have to decide what is right for you, but nobody would blame you if you said "I will not live in an open marriage, so either you commit to NC with OM, or you move out because I will not expose my family to this reckless behavior".
In short, if she doesn't drop OM, I can see telling her to go and focusing on protecting yourself and your kids from this wayward behavior.
But that is something for you to decide because you have to live with the consequences if she chooses the A over her own family.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I'm the sole source of steady income...WW is self employed and in the process of launching a business.
So if she is forced to get a job to contribute to the household as part of D, then again I look like the bad guy for her not being able to get her business off the ground.
But as you said, continued contact with her "friend" i.e. OM is extremely disrespectful to me, our marriage and our family.
Again, she always tries to put at back on me as "do what you need to do"...
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
All right...sent WW a couple of texts this morning and got "you are smothering me"...but that's my way of letting her know that I'm here so she knows that she can come to me rather than go to OM.
I need to find balance and consistency between letting her know that I'm here but not being clingy...I'm kicking myself right now!
Perhaps go dark (detach/GAL) until tomorrow?
Last edited by loweinsd51; 06/05/1006:39 PM.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
I'm consistent in letting WW know that NC with OM is a boundary that I have set for our M.
A boundary she keeps crossing with no consequences because you are afraid of losing her and won't enforce your boundaries.
A boundary unenforced is no boundary at all. It's more like a "geeIwishyouwouldn't."
Look up Coach's old thread about Boundaries. They have to carry clearly-stated consequences, and you have to be prepared to ENFORCE the consequences, when she violates your boundary(s).
