So the consequence for continued contact with OM should be she moves out of the house or I move out and go dark? Do we still go to MC if either one of us moves out or I go dark?
She has no family locally and POSOM is unemployed but doesn't want to D his wife because POSOM wants to stay married for the children...how convenient!
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
So you have been getting along nicely. You are trying to meet her needs of conversation. It has been 6 months since DDay and you exposed the A to OM's wife.
Yet your W is still in contact with OM. Gee, I wonder if OM's wife knows this! Seriously, he could have just gone underground and led his wife to think it has ended.(my WH did that to me for a couple of months last year)
I think it's worth it to expose to her again- to let her know it is still going on. Don't tell your W; just do it.
On the outside looking in, if you move out (AGAIN) your W will probably just think "there he goes again. He'll be back." since you have done it 2x before.
She knows that you know she is still in contact and you are still with her. She tries to threaten you to not D because of this and that, and how it would look to others...not possibly because she wants to stay married to you? Come on, ..she doesn't want a D!!
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doesn't want to D his wife because POSOM wants to stay married for the children...how convenient!
so you don't really have a threat, here. You can do whatever you want (within reason) and your W will flip out, get angry, try to blame you but the OM will never be "hers!" (sorry for the phrasing)
Their A doesn't have a future! How long could it last in the real world?
Have you seen Puppy's description of "melty man?" don't be that way.
Know what you want. BE FIRM. You want her to end the A and no contact with OM, be fully transparent, send a no contact letter to OM, go to IC and resume MC once it is clear that no contact has been in place for at least a month.
Oh and MC is useless if she doesn't end the A (her fogged up mind won't let her sincerely address the issues).
So next step is to expose again to OMW (in my opinion). Then tell your W what you need from her (do not tell her you exposed). And then you can look into legal separation and do the dark/Plan B option. If Allen gets to this thread, he had a great letter from Penny Tuppy that could work. This time, if you move out, you give the letter first and the legal separation papers. She will know you are seroius!
OK so this is just a draft of an idea--none of us really know what to do but we do know that if you don't do anything that will only make things worse.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
OK so this is just a draft of an idea--none of us really know what to do but we do know that if you don't do anything that will only make things worse.
Yes, we know that much. Threats won't work, and continuing on like this is just doing more and more damage to his M, and that's more and more work that would have to be done to reconcile if this thing plays out that way.
Sadly, she is using the fact that he cares for her and is willing to work to save the M against him at this point, and she really doesn't care about the M at all.
IMHO, the unemployed OM is using Low's W as an ego boost because his ego took a hit from being out of work. What's their plan? Run away and live off his unemployment checks? These WASs crack me up (if you don't think about what horrible things they are doing to their families, the fantasies they are hooked on are ridiculous).
Last edited by TimeHeals; 06/06/1012:10 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
So the consequence for continued contact with OM should be she moves out of the house or I move out and go dark? Do we still go to MC if either one of us moves out or I go dark?
I think the others here have answered the first part, so I'll give you my take on the MCing.
I would let her know that "I have no intention of spending our family's finances on marriage counseling while you're having an affair." You could either tell her this directly, or you could say it in front of the MC, and try to get the MC's agreement (most do agree that MCing can only be done without a third person involved).
Thanks...Yes, MC knows that she is still in contact with OM and WW has told MC that she is not ready to give up the "friendship" becasue OM helped her through a "very dark" time in her life and she considers POSOM like "family".
WW even said she wants to meet POSOM's wife so they can become friends...yes I live in the Twilight Zone.
Last edited by loweinsd51; 06/06/1003:07 PM.
M-43 FWW-42 T 20 M 16 DD10 DD8 EA: 1/10 Informal separation: 6/11/2010 Headed for D: 7/6/2010 Piecing? 9/10/10
Your wife is addicted, her excuses are erroneous.. Her excuses are designed to DEFLECT your attention and to fend you OFF from pressuring her... The actual CONTENT of the excuse does not matter to her.. she would read you the phone book as an argument if it got you to leave her alone.
IGNORE her excuses... And ACT, no negotiating with addicts, just act as consequence until she backs down.
Thanks...Yes, MC knows that she is still in contact with OM and WW has told MC that she is not ready to give up the "friendship" becasue OM helped her through a "very dark" time in her life and she considers POSOM like "family".
WW even said she wants to meet POSOM's wife so they can become friends...yes I live in the Twilight Zone.
