I hate to say it, but when you requested no contact, your h took what you said to the bank. Their way of interpreting what we say becomes very warped during a crisis. Yes, I understand how you feel about the yelling, etc., but I bet in many instances he was spewing venom because you were talking about him returning, the relationship, etc. Am I correct? They cannot stand listening to us talk about them returning, etc., so the only way to protect themselves from their feelings for us and, of course, us, is to spew.
So, what do you do? Leave it be for now. An opportunity will come along for you to contact him. But, I would only suggest contacting him if it is an emergency. Your h needs to settle the fire that is burning in his soul right now.
Try to focus on you and your family. Find things that will keep you busy both physically and/or mentally for now. I know you really want to talk to him, but you are the one that set the no contact in motion and will need to follow through on this. If you don't, he'll be like a kid and will not listen to you, your lawyer or anyone else and will test you like a child and not respect your boundaries.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Actually, no, he was spewing at me because of one of our daughters retaliating on FaceBook after OW outed their A to me over Facebook. Everything the OW did was dandy, but I had to stop our Daughter from opening stating her opinion. After that, I never saw him again, and he only called on the phone to threaten me about contesting the divorce. These were the things that I felt I had to stop having contact with him about. I was just his whipping boy. Did I do mess up by having my lawyer do the n/c to him. I thought not being available for his crap was the point of the n/c in the first place.
Last edited by punkin; 06/05/1007:52 PM. Reason: clearing up
No, you didn't do anything wrong. But, you cannot expect him to contact you after the lawyers have made it clear that you have requested "no contact/communication". The mlcer takes everything you say to heart.
I know it's difficult, but you are going to have to sit quietly and patiently now for things to turn around. In time, he may very well contact you, but right now, it appears that his anger is fueling his fire and you need to allow it to bank down to embers. Just let things be for a while.
The OW will screw up in her own time. You do not want to be a part of that. Their relationship will have to die a natural death and not one by your hand or your daughters'.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just found out WH had his son and daughter-in-law up for a 'meet the OW' visit, which my daughter-in-law found very uncomfortable. Now, OW is facebooking her every day and asking for all the grands birthdays, etc., just like she's a member of the f#$king family. DIL told her this has been very hard on the family and that she wasn't making it easier by doing that. I'm the grandma that's been there for every birth, every birthday, every big event, made dolls, made clothes, made lunch, etc. I feel like this bitch thinks she can just 'move me out'. I know she can't if I don't let her, but things would still never be the same. Besides, WH surgery didn't go so good, he should be medically discharged soon, and she can be spreading her legs for some other officer on a business trip.
Sorry for the rant, but right now I feel so pushed out of the family and it hurts, even though I know it's only the WH & OW doing it. It still hurts so bad that my loving husband of 20 years could just disrespect me so badly because he made a bad decision 3 months ago, and can't face the truth.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Punkin, Yes, it hurts terribly, but you have to pick yourself up and not allow what they are doing to control your emotional state. We all have been right where you are today, i.e., the being replaced in the eyes of the public. The only way to get through this is to hold you head up high, back straight and continue being the best person that you are. People will begin to see what they are doing and will begin to form their own opinions in due time. You do not want to add to that mix as being a party to the break up. Allow them to hang themselves.
The ow has over stepped herself and the older children will get tired of her pushing herself on them. As for facebook, isn't there a way that your dil can block the ow's postings to her?
I hope that you are feeling better today. Please do not allow them to ruin your day. Keep the focus on you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I guess weekends are just rougher than weekdays. I know there is no way this woman will replace me in either the hearts of my kids or grands. I just have to keep the contact open between me and my stepsons. I told the oldest I couldn't stop loving his father instantly after 20 years, and I certainly wouldn't stop loving them either. As much as I want to stay in bed today and hide under the covers, I'm about to get ready for church, and afterwards, go shopping at Wal-Mart. This afternoon, I'm working on a little sundress for one of the grands. Miss my 'human' husband terribly, but for now only the 'pod-person' exists. No word yet on any action from the Army about his referrals for PTSD/alcohol abuse. I'll have to be very sneaky to get that info.3 months of this so far is nothing for an MLC'r, right?
Now you are talking....no one can truly replace you in their hearts and souls. Definitely keep the communication open between you and your stepsons and their families. It's not their fault their father has lost is sanity in the mix.
Good for you! Get up, go to church...you never know...there just may be a message for you in the sermon today. I think it's wonderful that you are sewing! It's great way to keep your mind focused on something else and just look at all you can create!
Three months is just a little rain drop in the bucket. It could go on for a while.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My daughter is picking up his CPAP machine to take to him (he is 80 miles away) this morning. Would it be wrong/stupid of me to send him a jar of peppered pickled okra that I can for him every year? Is this a friendly gesture, or an excuse?HELP
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Go ahead and send it over to him, but do not expect anything in return.
Your expectations need to stay at zero.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
