Impressive bouts of converstation. No one can save a marriage if the other doesn't want to, but if he's going to want it, you've been doing some great self-control & choice in your words.
Impressive bouts of converstation. No one can save a marriage if the other doesn't want to, but if he's going to want it, you've been doing some great self-control & choice in your words.
Thank you. I too am proud with how I've been handling him. I know he expects me to scream and tell him it was his fault and blah blah blah but I've played it cool.
M:27 H: 33 M:10/07 T:9 yrs H moves away for drug recovery: 3/2010 ILYBINILWY & wants D:5/02/10 Confirmed OW:5/21 Told MIL:5/25(only concerned about H's recovery) Told FIL:5/28(will speak to him)
Hey Mr. Bond, Well yesterday morning I was a blubbering mess. One part of me was so happy and proud of how I've handled myself, the other part of me was broken hearted by his cruel words.
My sister and I went to a psychic dinner last night. The psychic read our cards for ten minutes. She was DEAD ON with my sister. MY sister has questions about her job and relationship and that's what the psychic spoke about.
As soon as I sat down and divided the tarot cards, she turned a card and told me "I see there's a relationship in trouble.It has ended or is ending"
I'll write the whole thing in next post. Give me a second.
M:27 H: 33 M:10/07 T:9 yrs H moves away for drug recovery: 3/2010 ILYBINILWY & wants D:5/02/10 Confirmed OW:5/21 Told MIL:5/25(only concerned about H's recovery) Told FIL:5/28(will speak to him)
I don't believe your H called an attny let alone two. Here is why... NY State does NOT recognize a physical separation. The only separation NY State recognizes is a legal Separation Agreement that is filed in court. The day that document is filed is the day your separation begins. It is irrelevant when he moved out. You could live the rest of your life in separate households and NY would not recognize that as separated.
In order to have a Separation Agreement all assets/support must be decided although you remain legally married. After one year you can convert the Separation Agreement to a divorce using the Agreement as grounds.
90% of all divorces in NY are initiated via a Separation Agreement as the grounds are *very* stringent in this state to get divorced. Your H stated that TWO attnys told him legal separation in NY doesn't exist. He either grossly misunderstood TWO attnys or he is full of it that he even spoke with an attny.
As soon as I sat down and divided the tarot cards, she turned a card and told me "I see there's a relationship in trouble.It has ended or is ending"
I tried not to speak much but I said, Well my husband and I are separated.
She said well, he doesn't want to go through with divorce. I don't know if I want to take him back. It's like I'm on a seasaw teetering and I can't make up my mind. Do I really want to take him back to relive pain and sleep with one eye open. If I decide to take him back he will have to do major changes and it still might be a day too late.
Then I said, well he wants divorce.
She said, well that's what he says but deep down he doesn't want it. But he's conflicted. He feel like he HAS to do it. (reminded me of DB coach telling me he had to do it bc of pride). Psychic says he keeps telling himself he has to do it. He's going too fast. He's on a path of destruction. He feels he can do everything on his own. He is a train wreck waiting to happen and he does not see it.
She then went on to say that she sees he's now having conflict with his family. THere is anger there. (hmmm I know he's not at farm anymore, I believe staying at friend' and he did say he now feels unwelcome at some family up there). That he has deep issues with his father. Psychic says that no matter what I tell her,she is sure he has issues with father. (father was never home growing up, alcoholic)
She then says he will say hurtful things. He will say things but its because he's looking in a mirror. He is not angry with me. He is angry with himself. She said to stop feeling guilty. I tried to be the best wife I could on what I knew.
She said that I am a good person who always wants to please everyone (sooo me) and to to be careful and watch my health (that made me nervous, I think I might move up OB appt).
The whole time I just nodded. Had a poker face. She asked if I had any questions. I asked well, it it going to be over.
She said this won't take long. She sees it ending by end of year, whether 80% chance he stops it last minute bc he realizes he was foolish or 20% chance it goes through but he will have instant regret. Either way, she strongly sees that it might be too late and my heart will move on.
She asked if I told him "Go ahead. Do the divorce if that's what you want". I said, yes I just did yesterday. Psychic ended by saying well right now he doesn't believe you. All you can do now is everything you have been doing because it's working.
So that was it in a nutshell.
M:27 H: 33 M:10/07 T:9 yrs H moves away for drug recovery: 3/2010 ILYBINILWY & wants D:5/02/10 Confirmed OW:5/21 Told MIL:5/25(only concerned about H's recovery) Told FIL:5/28(will speak to him)
I don't believe your H called an attny let alone two. Here is why... NY State does NOT recognize a physical separation. The only separation NY State recognizes is a legal Separation Agreement that is filed in court. The day that document is filed is the day your separation begins. It is irrelevant when he moved out. You could live the rest of your life in separate households and NY would not recognize that as separated.
In order to have a Separation Agreement all assets/support must be decided although you remain legally married. After one year you can convert the Separation Agreement to a divorce using the Agreement as grounds.
90% of all divorces in NY are initiated via a Separation Agreement as the grounds are *very* stringent in this state to get divorced. Your H stated that TWO attnys told him legal separation in NY doesn't exist. He either grossly misunderstood TWO attnys or he is full of it that he even spoke with an attny.
That is what I thought as well. No he said he spoke to one which I know he did for half an hour bc I check his phone calls. He spoke to a lawyer in NYC. He said he has called 2 others but they have not called him back.
How about annulment. Can he claim fraud even though I was the one that fraud was "done to". Meaning I married him not knowing he was on painkillers
Thank you CG for your insight.
M:27 H: 33 M:10/07 T:9 yrs H moves away for drug recovery: 3/2010 ILYBINILWY & wants D:5/02/10 Confirmed OW:5/21 Told MIL:5/25(only concerned about H's recovery) Told FIL:5/28(will speak to him)
An annulment is NY via the courts is very hard to get. You would need to provide a substantial amount of corroborative evidence and IIRC it would have to go through the Supreme Court of NY State. It much harder (as I understand it) to get an annulment in NY due to the amount of evidence needed than a divorce.
The annulment process (in theory) would still dissolve your marriage and divide the assets however that path to get an annulment would be costly and long. IMO you would be much better off going the separation to divorce route or just get divorced.
