I was served last Sunday. I have 30 days to respond. I was served in front of my kids, so my wife came over and explained it to them. My daughter got a bit upset, but my son didn't have any reaction at all. (They are 6, not 4. Can't change my sig for some reason).
My daughter has been telling me that she doesn't want this. She keeps saying that she wants us to be like we were and to be a family. She wont say any of this to or in front of my wife.
I told her that no matter what happens, I will always be their dad and that I love them very much.
My son did tell me that I could get another girl so I wouldn't be by myself. :)Other than that, he's pretty much not dealing with it at all. He doesn't talk about it and if it comes up he starts talking about something else.
I do not speak to my wife very often, as per DR, but she did tell me that she needed to drop off the specifics of the divorce. She received them in the mail on Monday. She gave them to me today (Thursday) and has seen me (dropping off the kids, etc.) nearly every day since.
I guess what I need to know is, what do I do now? I need to respond to the papers within 30 days of receiving them. If you've read my previous posts, she's burned a lot of bridges and painted herself into a corner this time. Knowing her like I do, she's put herself into a spot where it would be almost impossible for her to back out of this one. She may be waiting for me to ask her to stop it, but I can't take that risk. If she isn't waiting, then I'm going to push her even further away by asking.
I know my original post is in the sig, but the link to a previous post concerning activity since my return is here
I told my wife, "this isn't what I want and I can't do anything to stop you but I will do everything I can to protect myself and my family." An analogy I used to was "you just pointed a gun at my head so now I will go hire my own gun to look out for me."
You just got hit with another bomb so focus on taking care of yourself and your kids.
Let the L you hire know that you want to stay married if possible but that you need them to look out for your interests.
You can handle it.
Strength and Honor
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Also, refrain as much as possible in talking legalities with your W. You have your attny to take care of all of that and in my experience it won't do any good to discuss proceedings with her.
Take care of you and your children and let the attny do their job!
Coach-I basically did not say anything at all other than "okay." I am taking care of myself as best I can. I'm doing the best at getting a L right now. Since I'm in education, my summers are free. So, I started looking for a part-time job for some extra income and to pass the time other than sitting around wallowing in this mess.
There is a big difference between "Okay" and "this isn't what I want and I can't do anything to stop you but I will do everything I can to protect myself and my family."
Learn to Express yourself in a healthy way as coach did.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
read this on another's thread Ken5140 wrote on his "My Wife and Her EA" thread:
Quote:
Yesterday evening when I got home, W told me she was going to look at an apartment in the morning. I said, "I'm sorry to hear that." I said, "I just want you to know I'm gonna miss you if you go."
Later in the evening, she asked me, "What will you do if I stay and try to work things out with you?" I said, "I would make sure we spend quality time together and do fun things together."
perhaps you can try and use this approach and say something to your W?
Contact a L and continue to DB. Dont let this feel like the final straw... IT ISN'T!
Thing is she's already been out of the house for over 6 months already. Her sister just bought a bigger house to accomodate my kids. Nice enabling behavior.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
My H left and his parents opened their doors like I did something wrong to him... now they say they regret it or he had no where else to go... meanwhile, you said it right "enabling behavior".
Yes "enabling behavior" is amazing. My Ex wife did all the packing for my 11 year old boy scout. She believes she is helping him. I believe she is enabling irresponsible behavior. "Parenting with love and logic" hits on raising responsible kids. Methods in the book work with walk away spouse unless others step in to "rescue" them.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Ready2Change- I definitely see what you are saying. My biggest issue with DBing is learning when to say something and when not to. In the past, I'd done just about everything that DB and DR tell me NOT to do. I told it was the wrong choice. I told her that I loved her. I told her that I would change. etc. etc.
Now, in the face of these overwhelming circumstances, I find myself only able to react in my typical way (see above) or to have no reaction at all.
