From the end.. spring new beginnings

[antlers]

What do you do about the hurt, and the disappointment, and the remorse, and all the other negative emotions that accompany awful situations like yours and mine? Do they go away in time? Do you just get 'over' them? What?
I hate it...absolutely HATE IT...that I didn't get a chance, after the fact, to be 'this way' while she was still 'that way'. She's different now, as am I. My son said it best..."you're the way that mom used to be...and mom is the way that you used to be."

[Bridgestone]

What do you do about the hurt, and the disappointment, and the remorse, and all the other negative emotions that accompany awful situations like yours and mine?

I feel them.. & then let them go. Some days it takes longer than others. On those days I go hit golf balls, or work out really hard... or go dancing.. or cry & journal.

But I tend to do things that allow me choose other feelings. Talk to & hang out with good friends, go wander my new city & see new sites, plan vacations, etc.

I interact with more healthy people and am learning ways to share my feelings & thoughts that are acceptable in mature relationship.

I hate it...absolutely HATE IT...that I didn't get a chance, after the fact, to be 'this way' while she was still 'that way'.

I can hear that.. I can imagine you would hate it. Can you get to a place where you can 'thank' her for waking you up & creating the situation that enabled you to make those changes? So you didn't go through the rest of your life "that way"?

She's different now, as am I. My son said it best..."you're the way that mom used to be...and mom is the way that you used to be."

yeah well.. it is what it is. Let it go & move along. Easier said than done and it takes time. Be gentle with yourself as you do so.

Peace
Bridge

[Gardener]

antlers.

What do you do about the hurt, and the disappointment, and the remorse, and all the other negative emotions that accompany awful situations like yours and mine? Do they go away in time? Do you just get 'over' them? What?
I hate it...absolutely HATE IT...that I didn't get a chance, after the fact, to be 'this way' while she was still 'that way'. She's different now, as am I.

Again, no words of wisdom, just comradeship.

She first told me there was a problem with the words. "I've gotten an apartment."

As I've told my stepson (even though it was his mother) who also had recently suffered a heartbreak, "If you're woman's first indication of - expression of - a problem is with the words, 'I'm leaving,' you're f*cked."

While this may sound contradictory, I am still getting over it even though my thoughts throughout the day STILL revolve mostly around "I can't believe she F'ing LEFT me." And it's been eighteen months now.

Single biggest disappointment in a person in my life - from the person I would've gone to the grave believing would never do such a thing.

"What do you do about the hurt"?
Endure.

That's what I try to do It's all I can do.
And, yes, time.

peace,

[Gardener]

Hey, Bridge-

Thanks for the advice. I'll see what I can find up here in the great white north for leopard print.. it might be snow leopard print.

My oldest son has gone to Burning Man for the last four years. I'm going this year!

[antlers]

I hate it...absolutely HATE IT...that I didn't get a chance, after the fact, to be 'this way' while she was still 'that way'.

I can hear that.. I can imagine you would hate it. Can you get to a place where you can 'thank' her for waking you up & creating the situation that enabled you to make those changes? So you didn't go through the rest of your life "that way"?

I think I was on my way to being there, or maybe even was there to a degree...but then she started getting more vindictive and mean...to the point that she changed her original paperwork for joint custody to going for sole custody. And things have continued to get worse on a nearly daily basis since then. It has messed with my head something bad! I have seen and heard things from her since then that I NEVER would have thought I would see and hear from her. Why the need to be so damn mean and vindictive? And punitive?

I am happy with the changes that I've made. Wish I'd have made them long ago. Had I done so, all this bad crap, I'm certain, wouldn't be happening. That's a tough one to choke down. My kids are so messed up. And their mother seems to be impervious to the damage that is being done. She is like someone other than the person I've known all these years.

Anyway, it sounds like you are doing well...and I'm glad for you. As far as Burning Man...I say 'go for it'! Use your melon though...it get's CRAZY there from what I've seen and heard.

Thanks for being here.

[Bridgestone]

Thanks to all for the commentary on my considered RPEE.

As the event gets closer the reality of preparing for it on top of a recent move & settling into my new home is starting to seem overwhelming.

I have a 2 weeks to decide before tickets go off sale.

Had a rough night the other night.. phone call from XH and his same old, same old habits while we were trying to get some summer scheduling of the D15 worked out triggered some anxiousness, fear and subsequent lonliness in me.

I miss having someone to cuddle with, someone to just "be" with. I am content on my own... I manage to be alone & find things to occupy my time & mind with no problem.

I miss having priority in someone's life... I miss being 'that kind' of important to a significant other.

I talked to a friend...the feeling passed... and life goes on.

Have a meetup tonight with my wine group. Some new people will be there, looking forward to meeting them...

have softball tomorrow night. One of the men on the team has invited me to watch some harness racing (horses) that his family (mom/dad/brother) do during the summer in the surrounding rural communities.

He was surprised that I knew what harness racing was when it came up for a topic at the watering hole after one of the games. Apparently it's not widely known sport.. guess my growing up years had some odd forms of entertainment.

I may go see the races the week-end... the weather is suppose to beautiful.

Peace
Bridge

[Coach]

Bridge, There is a new poster in Newcomers, LizJane, that I think could use your wisdom and compassion.

I understand your comments above. Where you are in life is temporary. Real love will come your way.

Cheers

[Bridgestone]

Thanks for thinking of me Coach I'm flattered that you think I can provide both of those to certain newbies.

I also appreciate your perspective on the temporariness of my love life

Cheers.
Bridge

[Coach]

Thanks for helping out over Newcomers with triage. I never thought I would get to a 100 posts on DB.

[Bridgestone]

well,
It's Father's Day and D!5 is spending it with me.

I offered many times for XH to drive up here & spend the week-end with her and then take her back with him to his home state for his parents anniversary celebration next weekend.

He originally agreed to that about 2 months ago when we were discussing summertime plans and then suddenly about 6 weeks ago.. he changed them.

"you can keep her that week-end & I'll come get her on Monday, that way you have more time with her, I have to work because of Mom & Dad's thing the following week-end"

WTF??? Coming from the man who was texting me 20x a day, how hurt he was, how sorry he was he caused all this, & how much he missed his kids the first week she was up here this summer?

To be honest, I was like fine.. you don't want to see her after 2.5 weeks....great! I get more time with my daughter.

Then the reasons why he wasn't coming up this week-end, funny how they seem to do that isn't it?

Last week-end he was on the Mississippi river, partying with friends so he had traded work week-ends to do that...so he had to work this week-end to get last week-end off..

and he went to a concert last night with the same friends.. ironically it poured rain on them about 1/2 way through the concert & it was shut down.. karma's a bitch

I guess it is hard with your kid Father's Day , when you are out partying 600 miles away until past midnight the night before.

I thanked him for making the reasons behind his choices clear. Again it reiterates to me his values and where he places them. It pissed him off.. too F"ing bad.... I know it's hard to hear the truth.

D15 asked why he wasn't coming up.. I told her.

Your dad made the choice to trade week-ends to work.. he didn't want to work last weekend so he traded it for this week-end instead.

Her response.. but he was on the River last week-end with XYZ friends.? sounding puzzled..

My response... Yes, yes he was.. and he has to work now this week-end instead.

Silence.

I feel for her..

I mean he has EVERY right to be out having a good time. But making choices such that you deliberately are NOT with your kid on Father's Day??

sigh...

So, we are going to see harness racing today and a picnic. Saw ToyStory 3 last night (cute movie).. then game night.

He should be here sometime tomorrow... and I am a bit anxious about that.. He has not been up here on "my turf" for 10 months.

In other news, I take possession of my new house on Wednesday and have some things to iron out aobut it before that happens, but all in all.. life is good.

Peace
Bridge