Quote: Don't you see your power actually- he admitted he wants you and the family.
This didn't occur to me! If this is true, and it makes sense, I should do nothing. Or rather, keep doing what I have been doing. If he truly wants home, I gave him a life-line in re-stating my position. Right?
Let's analyze that, shall we? Do nothing= H has been coming to you,discussing what to do, seeing if you will let OW move in, admitting he wants to come home but feels obligated.
Well, I guess that isn't too bad. You seem to have patience to let him fence sit a little longer, right? I sure have held out for a long time as well!
And yes, on his own, he will need to choose what to do.
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And my position that I keep restating to him is: The door is open but I am not standing there waiting for him to walk through. LifeGoesOn!
So this means that you are living fine without him and he is free to think you might be dating but you never said you were and you never said you weren't.
Well, WN, I guess in the big picture, is your H's current discussion of R something new? I do see that you post he has been bringing it up a lot lately. That is different, right? The reason I ask is to be able to see if your current approach is helping you to see results.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
do you want some other opinions? where is everyone?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
do you want some other opinions? where is everyone?
Good Morning to you! I got caught up on some sleep!
Quote:
Well, WN, I guess in the big picture, is your H's current discussion of R something new? I do see that you post he has been bringing it up a lot lately. That is different, right? The reason I ask is to be able to see if your current approach is helping you to see results.
I am not concerned so much with his fence-sitting at the moment. That may change as I get closer to our anniversary (7/1). I really consider him gone since he left at Christmas.
His tendency to cake-eat has me more concerned. Since the end of April, at DD16's prom, (our 1st real contact since Dec), he has been pursuing with a lot of I miss you's. I finally caved into the R talk Wed. Just an email about banking yesterday morn.
Wed., he said basically the same things he has been saying all along, which is his seeking of assurance that I am still there, jerking the rope. I was different this time, he didn't get much, if I am holding the rope, it is quite loose!
So, whatever is going on in the A, he became more concerned with my dimness. OW is probably pressuring him to get them out of the ho-tel. Which he would do if I was wanting a D or even a decision.
He did acknowledge some of the damage he is doing to the kids, without me pointing it out. He knows what he has to do, but can't bring himself to do it. I believe OW gave him ultimatum in Dec., as he was content with the cake-eating sitch he had going. Maybe he is hoping for the same from me now. I won't do it for him this time. It is hard to watch him drown, but eventually he will run out of air and come up.
Did I just talk myself in a circle or 2?
Staying dim feels safest for me now. (but I am sooo tempted to send a verbal-vomit filled email!)
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
lol! I was trying to recruit other opinions besides mine! Hope I didn't come across as rude! Well about the cake eating- it is close to fence sitting in my book, you know? You really haven't given him much cake! Maybe some frosting?
Again, based on what you said about OW and how you are keeping your stand, it seems logical (IMO) to continue doing what you are doing.
My anniversary is 7/28!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
WN Been reading your sitch tonight and it does sound remarkably similar to mine right now. I'm going to try to distance more. He makes it hard, but I see how effective it has been for you and I need to get back to that. Good stuff here, thanks for letting us read your twists and turns.
Definitely keep doing what has been working. My motto is patience, patience, patience. Poe
