Oh yeah, what exactly is 'the awakening' from the Replay stage of MLC?
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
I am through, there is no where else to go, but when I started this journey, he was still living here, drinking outrageously, and deeply depressed. I talked to a M.D. who was afraid he might be becoming "suicidal". It was at that point that I gave him the ultimatum to get help or I'd get it for him. That's when he left me. Chickie poo came into it soon after.
Punkin, The ultimatum for help may have helped him to make a decision about walking and chickie poo. Mlcers do not want to be told what to do or what is wrong w/them. Yes, you were the wife living under the same roof, but he was entering the MLC zone. He didn't want a mother.
As for awakening from replay? There is depression and withdrawal. He will awaken when he's completely through the crisis and ready to be brought out of the oven. He's got a long, long way to go.
I would just leave him be and have contact w/him only when it is an emergency or about the family. He's got to work through this stuff on his own and in his own time. You have to turn your focus on to you and what you need to do in order to survive.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I actually seem to be doing better and better as far as I myself am going. It is just when he involves the kids and grands in his 'fantasy" that I get upset. I had lunch today with my DIL and she tells my WH exactly how it is. He says "He doesn't want to say anything bad about me or have any of them hate me" She asked him "Why would we be upset with her, she hasn't done anything wrong?"
Since I went back to work, things have become easier and easier mentally for me. WH still has to pay all the household bills, so my entire check just goes into my account. I'm not sorry I gave him the ultimatum, he was treating me like s@@t. Better that than him sitting here getting drunk and angry at me all the time.
We've had absolutely No Contact since May 15th. I've had time to think through many things that I blamed on stress from my job, i.e., shingles, Bell's Palsy, all nerve disorders from stress. Now, I see a lot of it was really him. I still love him, but if he came back today, he wouldn't be able to walk my bottom line- Counseling for us and for his PTSD and alcohol abuse. Snodderly, you are absolutely right, he has a long, long way to go, and he has to go alone. I have to follow my own path.
OMG! I have been feeling stronger and better about myself, overall doing well, and coming to the realization that among other things, the reason our marriage lasted 20 years is because of all the times he was deployed or working off with the Army; that his PTSD and drinking had been causing me distress for a very long time. That, as our children who love him say, I put up with a lot of crap for a long, long time.
Somehow, coming to this conclusion that, at least for the time being, I am better off without him in my life, caused me to have a full blown panic attack. My heart started to race, my head to pound, and I had to leave work and come home. I'm teary in a way I haven't been in a while now. What's up?
It's now Friday morning, and I still feel panicky. Don't want to get out of bed. I know this is backsliding right after I thought I was doing so well. I really just want to hide in my bed all day and that is cowardly and self=defeating.
Funny how the realization that I loved my husband unconditionally for 20 years, and what he truly loved was the reflection of himself in my eyes can knock you for a loop.
Any and all opinions welcome!
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
I need do ask a very selfish, self-centered, self-pitying question right now. After 4 weeks 'dark', and 3 months separation, does my WH miss me at all, do you think. It's not like I expect roses from the guy, he's living with a girl our son's age, but somewhere in the madness, do you think he ever thinks about me?
punkin, somewhere deep down in his addled brain he misses you but right now England have got a better chnace of winning the world cup than your husband admitting it to you.......sory if that sounded harch (English sense of humour I am afraid).
Have you read and reread the posts about the journey of the LBS -very enlightening and worth reflecting on
((hugs))
lalxx
Choose Life Me: 45 Him: 44 S:11 D:8 Met in 1992 Married in 1995 Bomb drop September 30th 2009 Divorce final April 16th 2011 exH Marries OW June 17th 2011
