1: Re-entered the work force to keep me busy 2: ALWAYS try to look attractive when I leave home. He is 80 miles away so the only thing I can hope for is that he Hears I Look Good. 3: Made an effort to keep in touch with my stepsons and their families/my grands. 4: Have the house listed. Went looking at homes in town with his aunt, who is a Realtor. 5: My lawyer entered the last filing with Request for Admissions on May 13th. WH/his lawyer has not responded. 6: Doing my best to keep the place up. We have almost 8 acres. 7. Financially doing well. Husband required to pay all household bills until divorce final, at which time I'm eligible for 1/2 his retirement, 1/2 Social Security ( if there's any there )
We've been separated x3 months, with n/c x 4 weeks. Does anyone have any other suggestions of things I should be doing?
I've read and re-read entries from so many broken hearted people in different forums and different stages that it has almost become an obsession. It's the first thing I check in the morning and the first thing I check when I get home from work. I'd check at work if I dared. True, there is a lot of wisdom and support to be found here. It helps to know that we are not all alone in this. IT MAKES ME FURIOUS! I'm trying to hang on to a twenty year marriage and a man that I don't even know anymore. He's off playing bachlor with a girl our son's age. I'm just tryig to stay sane. WHAT'S THE USE? WHY PUT OURSELVES THROUGH THIS CRAP?
Yes, the kids say he looks horrible. Yes, they do get through this and sometimes come home. But why would I want him too? I've pretty much treated him with respect and admiration all our married life, and he has shat in his own nest. Just rambling now, I know, but I am so MAD. Been dark now x 4 weeks and wondering if I even matter to him at all. Trying to stay sane is driving me insane.
Any words of wisdom, or should I just take a Xanax?
WHAT'S THE USE? WHY PUT OURSELVES THROUGH THIS CRAP?
That is for you to decide and figure out.
I can tell you what happened to me.
Right now you are standing and what you are focused on is
Originally Posted By: punkin
wondering if I even matter to him at all.
Look you have choices here. The door is open and no one will blame you for walking through it and saying toodleloo muthaf@cka...
BUT
You go on with your life and meet someone and its all giggles and smiles and then the same old punkin is there and she still hurts and she still doubts...
You can avoid this pain punkin. You can. I can give some ideas if you want.
Drinking helps for a while.
New people help for a while.
Join a circus.
Join a convent
But I am going to tell its like groundhog day. You still wake up to the same problem. The same doubts.
It is easy to put this all on H and run for the OZARKS.
Originally Posted By: punkin
But why would I want him too?
You may not. Are you who you want to be right now?
Nothing you would change in punkin?
Look at the beginning of my thread I asked these same questions.
IMO when you decide to stand you are really saying hold on here I'm not going to let this sh!t break me. I am not going to let someone dictate MY life and you start a search for answers...
At first you think those answers need to come from your spouse...then you realize
Those aren't the real questions.
It is not what H is doing punkin.
It is what YOU are doing with this time. You need this time so you gotta give H the Heisman(detach) cause you need your space and sanity to figure out YOU.
You can make your decisions from a place of strength and clarity.
Life is about suffering. Think about it.
Suffering=pain
Pain=growth
Growth is what we are here for.
Originally Posted By: punkin
Trying to stay sane is driving me insane.
You have to get a handle on this^^^^^
Don't snoop. Don't let yourself be dragged in. Put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it when you think of H.
Just F@CKING do it hear me! No excuses.
I know you don't see it this way but you have been given a wonderful opportunity...
What will you do with it?
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Normally, I am a reasonable person. Normally, I don't rant. My bad days are outnumbering my good ones 3-1. I don't think WS really wants a divorce, or he'd be pushing it, and he hasn't, other than the original filing. Now, my daughters, who grew up as sisters to his sons are agitated that the boys, who have the same opinion as I of OW, do not block her on Facebook and are friendly to her. I understand, this is their father, they are not blind,but what choice do they have? This stupidity is tearing my entire family, 7 kids & 12 grands apart. Before it's all over, they won't be talking, and our family will be totally destroyed. How can this not matter to him at all? I've prayed and prayed and 'God works in mysterious ways' is just not pulling it off for me on this one.
I want to be a positive person. I've worked very hard at moulding 7 kids into one family. I'm normally described as happy and comical. Now, I just feel wasted.
Saner today. Took my Xanax to work with me 'just in case', but didn't have to take any. I've been reading and re-reading everyone's strings. They usually give me the lift I need to make it through another day.
My husband is under the impression that i am waiting until November to let the divorce go through because it will mark our 20th anniversery and I become eligible for more benefits through the Army. My children think the same thing. The truth is, at this moment, I do not want a divorce period. I know I can't cross that bridge until I come to it, but i can't help worrying that my WH is just laying low until November.
If that is the case, then my 'staying dark' with him doesn't really matter, does it? I know no one can predict the future, but I really feel in my heart that we are meant to be together. The first ( 8 years ago) affair ended and he came home. But I read in someone else's string that "How can someone be your soul-mate and cheat on you?"
So many contradictions between my head and my heart. I stay confused, even on my best days. Any one else feel that way?
But I read in someone else's string that "How can someone be your soul-mate and cheat on you
Pun,
I just despise the term.
It is like co dependancy squared. With a soul mate you don't want that person to share your life with you...you NEED that person to be in your life.
Just my take on it. It is a Hollywood romantic woolheaded notion...and Hollywood's version of love, marriage and relationships has done all of us a great disservice.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 06/16/1011:08 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I take your meaning, but it's just a word for unconditional love for another human being. One that you can't imagine your life without.
In my case, my WH is farfrom perfect. He's difficult, egotistical, alcoholic, and verbally abusive. He is also warm, loving, nurturing and wonderful. OMG, I'm making myself sick.
Point being, while I understand the need to distance myself from this person, to heal myself; I still cannot imagine my life without this one person. I feel that we were - squint your eyes Jack - soul mates
I take your meaning, but it's just a word for unconditional love for another human being. One that you can't imagine your life without.
In my case, my WH is farfrom perfect. He's difficult, egotistical, alcoholic, and verbally abusive. He is also warm, loving, nurturing and wonderful. OMG, I'm making myself sick.
Point being, while I understand the need to distance myself from this person, to heal myself; I still cannot imagine my life without this one person. I feel that we were - squint your eyes Jack - soul mates
I know that Jack hates the term and frankly so do I.
To me it implies that you have and obligation to spend your life with this person regardless of what they do or how they treat you.
If he beat you every day of your life, would you stay because he was your "soulmate"?
I hope not.
To me it does not imply unconditional love at all because it places obligation and expectation on another person, to always be around.
While most of us can't/couldn't imagine ourselves with anyone else, I mean, why would we have taken marriage vows if we did...
I don't know if I would consider anyone "soulmates". Sure some people are meant to be togther more than others but...
Punkin, this isn't us trying to convince you or anyone to end their M, just to get people to stretch their thinking a bit...
To help stop the "bad" days a bit...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I appreciate any and all insights. Good days or bad, I can't imagine my life without him in it. WS is career Army, and I've spent much of the last 20 years of my life waiting. Always waiting. This deployment or that assignment. Maybe that's the whole problem here. I can't seem to quit waiting. I know that is self-defeating. I just can't get over the way he just walked away like none of it, our home, family , life together, meant anything. Going on 5 weeks dark. No improvement in sight.
