Thanks M&H - Feeling a little better now....took a break, stretched by the pool in the sunshine, even dozed off. Hopefully could get some work done now.
Received e-mail from H - detailed report of this week's happenings in business. I emailed back to thank him for that and asked if we are still having a B meeting tomorrow (our usual day). He replied "I don't think so, but I need a cheque, you can leave it in your mailbox if you wish". I replied "I could do that if that’s what you want". His reply came in a while ago and I didn't reply yet....
"I guess I am just doing what I think you prefer. I would like to meet for coffee and talk, but I don’t have any more news. I do like to meet with you... But I believe you prefer not to..."
Last edited by Mila; 06/16/1008:41 PM.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Sorry to hear that your FIL phoning gave you a major wobble.
I think we do so well when we are in control of our emotions. When something comes along unexpectedly it knocks our feet from under us and all the raw emotion comes flooding back.
You sound stronger again. The good thing is the longer we do this the less time is spent on our knees after being knocked over and the quicker we are able to get back to being detached from the dance.
Is this what they call the boarding house effect? We all seem to be getting the highs and lows together.
OK everybody, let try to think of some positives to share with each other and get those PMA's back...
Mila, since everyone seems to congregate here, hope you don't mind that I issue a challenge on your thread. My challenge is that for one week everybody post a positive on their thread each day. Your positive can be big or small. It can be something you did for somebody, something somebody did for you, something you did for yourself, etc...
Let's put a title on it so everybody knows what it is such as, MY POS. Whoops, that won't work for obvious reasons. How about, My PH, for Positives Happening??? If someone can think of a better title or something to add, feel free...
Again Mila, hope you don't mind. And, oh yeah, the last one to post each day is a rotten egg!
Libby - Yes talking to my FIL gave me a wobble to put it mildly. I've sent him an email to thank him for his kind words and for his support. Today he replied that he still can't believe what has happened and wishes that he had a magic wand to fix everything. He is also blaming himself...if I just knew...I could have...maybe if I.....He is also very concerned about D. He is a retired church minister and he has strong believes in marriage, honesty and loyalty...I really feel for him.
SA - good idea Best thing that happened to me today was watching our pool guy attending to the pool wearing his muscle shirt....that's pretty sad if that is the highlight of my day...but he looked good LOL
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Not sad at all, Mila. I posted a positive before reading this, so we must be on the same wavelength.
I'm too nice, I would reply to H that I want to see him and meet, because I'd want to build the friendship and build the R again. However, I know many will disagree with that and I'm no expert, so, let's examine this more closely, shall we?
The fact that he told you he didn't want to meet, and then explained his "feel sorry for me" reason why... that says something. What does it say to you, the woman who knows him best?
Still, I'm a rescuer, and I'd want to "kiss it and make it all better" and I'd want to be building on those feelings.
Is there a way to do both?
What happens when you say "I'm not the one that set us on this path. I'm willing to work on the M when you are ready to act as an appropriate husband."
Does he still know this? If so, no reason to reiterate.
I know that I'd shut him out, not communicating, ignoring him when he is here....so he is just obeying my wishes....but I know that he hates this emotional shut off as much as I do.
I think for the past month I was going through my anger stage and that fulled my coolness forwards him. I'm not as angry for the past few days and I really miss the connection that we still had.
I don't anticipate any changes with OW for a long while...he seems so sure on the outside that he wants her and not me.
I did reply to his email: "I don’t know what I prefer...talking to you is hard and not talking to you is hard....But I don’t mind meeting if we need to talk".
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I've come to a new place with my H and somehow just knowing in my head I've changed how I relate to him seems to be changing him... not that I expect it to stay changed. (I expect that once he gets used to the new status quo, he'll go back to distant)
Anyway, I've decided to approach everything with H with compassion and love and detachment, and no games. That's that. It's who I am, and it is who I want to remain.
Just saying... be you. You are, I know, I'm just trying to shore up your resolve to stay you and be true to yourself.
Best thing that happened to me today was watching our pool guy attending to the pool wearing his muscle shirt....that's pretty sad if that is the highlight of my day...but he looked good LOL