I'm going to try to distance more. He makes it hard, but I see how effective it has been for you and I need to get back to that.
NC for awhile helped ME immensely. I was able to get off the crazy train, breathe, take a step back, and gain control of myself. I was controlling my behavior, for the most part, but was way to focused on what he was doing, thinking, feeling. It took a couple of weeks to stop the 'mind movies', and begin focusing on myself. The support here was instrumental as well.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
Watching Lemans. Maytech is running two of my cars, well not MY actual cars, souped up racer versions. 1 with an ALL FEMALE team. GO girl power! Wishing I was there with my friends...TV coverage is boring......vivre sa vie pleinement l'.....Ne vous inquiétez pas pour demain
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
The planet of extremely dense fog, that's for sure!
LOL!
Joking aside, in his mind, this is the perfect solution! He can get all his needs met under one roof. If you and OW would just go along with it, life would be perfect. Because it's all about HIM.
NOT!
I'm with the others - keep doing what you're doing. If OW is pressuring him and you're not, he's going to get tired of it eventually. Let the sparkle wear off the fantasy.
Meanwhile, continue to be evasive about your dating status. Go for dinner and drinks with friends. Take a vacation. Let him know you're moving on WITHOUT him. It may be enough for him to wander off that planet of extremely dense fog...
BTW, most MLC last from 2-5 years. Given the time line, I think you're either in late yr 4/early year 5 given all the bar hopping that started in 05. He should be waking up from his daze soon --
Just went back and read Jack Three Beans story, when his wife was in MLC. It's powerful. I encourage you to read about his "breakthrough" at the bar scene on pages 10-12:
Yesterday, after a week of silence, not answering the kids calls, not a word..., he sends an email asking him if I want him to clean out the tub drains in the kids bathrooms. WTH?
I replied this morning, Thanks but I can handle it. I will not have any kind of R with you while you are involved w/ OW.
Ignored that and sent a bunch more emails about how to run anti virus stuff on my computer and to send him stuff so he could check if it was ok. I replied it was fine and I wasn't worried.
Tonight...an email saying how he has been negligent with stuff around the house and there were things he needs to do. "Kids computers etc". And he added I don't understand him.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
"This fire can get fueled by the reality or perception that they have peaked in their career. The OW is almost always someone in the workplace they speak with about their concerns, unhappiness, and fears. The OW "understands them" and they find they are meant for each other. This is the EA or Emotional Affair preceeding the deed and the PA. Now things are in full blown MLC land. The drugs kick in and the addiction takes hold. Like drugs, cold turkey must eventually be part of the validated and verified cure or you are all spinning your wheels on an ice rink"
I just began reading this entire thread, and came across this paragraph. This is exactlywhat my husband did. He was facing medical discharge by the end of this year. We were gearing up for our retirement. What can you do?
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
I replied this morning, Thanks but I can handle it. I will not have any kind of R with you while you are involved w/ OW.
awesoooome!
I think you just need to keep doing what you have been because he is increasing his communication with you, and his attempts to feel needed! Something is pushing him to your family! And you hold your ground. Well done WN!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
