Thank you Cat04. It's noon time here and I had to come home in order to take a Xanax. My nerves are worse than I ever remember them being.
Conclusion: My husband is going to do this every 8-10 years, and I don't want to be doing this at 61 years of age.
Conclusion: He is never going to accept that he is alcoholic and has PTSD, for which he needs therapy. The doctor that called on Friday said she wanted him for 'intensive evaluation' and he could expect to be there x 3 days. No one can make him go.
Conclusion: This part of my life is truly over, and I have to learn to accept it and move on. There will be life after marriage. I just can't get my head to tell my heart.
Ladies, Life's transitions take place every 10 years. However, if they can manage to work through those transitions, the MLC will just be a blip on the radar screen. However, if they are not able to work through the transitions, their MLCs are far worse.
The less your spouse focuses on himself, the longer it will take. That's why it is important to give them space and time. Enough of both to choke on in order to reach the other side successfully and bake up nicely into a mature human being.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Point taken. His last MLC 8 years ago at age 41, he never really 'left'. He came and went and came and went, and when he was home he was drinking and being ugly to me. This went on for most of a year and then he just snapped out of it, but I don't think he ever really got over it. I have a friend who suggested that all the emotions that I had clamped down on came boiling up when we talked on Friday, and that is why I was a wreck for 3 straight days.
I want to stand for this marriage. I do not want a divorce. No matter what EVERYONE ELSE says.
Do I deserve better? Hell yes, but he is capable of BEING BETTER. Regardless of how he is acting now, I know inside he is a decent, loving individual - with a trainload of baggage. For the moment, this is the best I can do, and I'll give it my all.
TG, Agreed. And just when I think I can, my eldest daughter calls in tears ( 3 minutes ago ) because WH called her basically checking to make sure she and our grandson were not at the ballfield as he was there with OW and HER son. Didn't want D to make a scene. It was veiled, but that was the jest of the reason for the call. WHAT A JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, I accept nothing. Many people have described this as a roller coaster. Good analogy, but I feel more like a pinball, pinged from one end of the spectrum to the other. I hate being dependent on pills during the day to function and pills at night just to sleep. My anger is seething and I seek ways to let it out. Mowing is good. I can scream, curse, etc while on the tractor and no one can hear me. When he hurts the kids or grands, it builds up again. Its becoming difficult to talk to God, and though I feel like crying, I can't seem to let that out either.
To me that is my most difficult problem. Not being able to let it out. I'm doing just what he did, letting it build and build inside me.
I plan to join an exercise class in the next week or two when a new class starts. That will help, I am sure. Hard to hike outside anywhere when it's 104 degrees.
I feel like I'm in the stage of Replay in HIS MLC. Sleep an average of 3 hours a night, then lay there and wait for the alarm clock.
I'm rambling, but believe me it's due to lack of sleep. Down 28 pounds now. It's like I'm getting worse instead of better. I don't like myself this way, and I remind myself there are people that depend on me, least of all ME.
