If he stayed for the kids, we'd be modeling to them a "loveless" marriage.
Wow.. this is exactly what my H told me, nearly word for word. I countered with: "So you'd rather show her how to give up when she thinks something's too hard, and teach her to ignore the consequences of doing so?"
That was over three months ago, but still feels like he said it last night.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
Our families had become good friends, socialized together and even vacationed together.
I am SO sorry! I can only imagine the double betrayal.
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
I tried everything, Mort Fertel, etc., but I think the difference is that he'd already made up his mind and had given himself permission to pursue OW and no matter what I did it it didn't change his mind.
The "Point of No Return" that Larry talks about. But has he reached The Snap Line?
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
BTW, OW had an affair 5 years ago with another neighbor who is now divorced. However, my WH says that affair happened because she was just lonely but that her relationship with him is the real thing because they are soulmates and are so compatible, been through the ringer together, her bad marriage, her affair with the neighbor, her starting a new business, etc.
'Just lonely', 'the 'real thing', 'soul mates'. Gag me! Wonder how much of this script is verbatim from her first marriage-destroying mission? I mean affair.
HER bad marriage, HER affair, HER new business - so, it's all about HER, is? Wow, she's sure got your WH buffaloed! Bet she's a chaos kid. Or in need of medication.
Stats say only 1% of relationships that begin as affairs survive. This has 99% written all over it. OW sounds VERY selfish and self-centered. Having problems in your marriage? Don't go to counseling, just start wreaking havoc on the neighbors' marriages instead! There's a special place in hell for people like this. I predict that as soon as your WH looks the other way for 5 minutes, she's outta there. So, so sad.
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
I made mistakes, but I NEVER broke my vows and never stopped loving him. Pile on top of that the fact that he's a chaos kid and what a mess. As Larry told me, whether it was D (OW) or someone else, WH was programmed for this to happen. His father cheated on his mother and that's what he learned - Your wife is an annoyance, so do your own thing.
I hear you!
Larry was surprised my WH lasted as long as he did without straying, given the infidelity that grows like a vine through both sides of his family tree. His parents were separated when we got married, and each brought their then-lover with them to the wedding. All four of them stood in the front pew of the groom's side of the church, staring daggers at each other, while my family stood there watching with their jaws on the floor. That was the day I entered the "Twilight Zone" - WH family style. Some of the drama I've seen from the sidelines over the years makes JR Ewing and Alexis Carrington look like pussycats.
My mother - a chaos kid, the only one in our family tree - tried to warn me THEN. She didn't like my MIL, said my FIL was smarmy, and she warned me there would be problems with WH down the road. I didn't believe her. Wished I had. She knew what she was talking about. As Larry asked, "Would you still have married him if you knew then what you know now?" I doubt it. But when you're in love, no one can tell you anything...
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
I struggle now with how to treat him. If I'm nice I feel he may think I approve of his choice.
I understand. Divorce-busting and doing a 180 is all about pulling back and letting them know what life is like without you. No approval, no encouragement.
Larry's technique calls for distancing with kindess, to let them know that you're NOT under their thumb, but you're also not a b*tch. The goal is short and sweet, so they begin to associate that with you - sweetness. No Freddy to feed on.
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
On many occasions, I've told him that he acts like I'm supposed to be happy that he's no longer in love with me and that he's found someone else, huh?
That's his Freddy talking -- if YOU have someone new, that makes his leaving that much easier. Don't believe him.
When my WH moved to the basement, he told me he wouldn't be jealous if I found someone new. His actions contradict that. Whenever we're in a group of people and I'm talking to a man, WH appears at my side to see what's going on.
It's all part of the fantasy - and the reality. If I have someone new and you have someone new, nobody gets hurt, right? On the other hand, if my new someone doesn't work out and you already have someone new -- wait! Where's that leave me?! No, better for me to keep my options open with two...
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
He's of the mindset that our relationship failed, but we had a lot of good years together and we both deserve to be "happy". If he stayed for the kids, we'd be modeling to them a "loveless" marriage. If he thought he could get "it" back, he would stay, but he doesn't see how to get "it" back. Well, that's because you gave "it" away when you broke your vows. Our kids will be fine as long as we stay friends and love each other. He still loves me and wants to be my good friend and help me in any way he can - he's just doesn't feel any passion for me.
Justification, justification, justification.
My husband was a MESS when his father left when he was 15. He HATED him. He blamed his mother for running him off. I can't tell you how much sh*t I've had to listen to and deal with over the years from both WH and MIL because FIL wouldn't "man up" and be responsible.
So what happens the instant WH finds a willing playmate and decides to run off and follow in his cheating father's footsteps? "Oh, it wasn't so bad. The kids will survive. They'll get over it."
REALLY? Like HE did, still lamenting the loss 30 YEARS later?
AMNESIA. FOG. ABDUCTED BY ALIENS.
THAT'S why I'm fighting SO hard. I REFUSE to put my children through that if I can possibly avoid it. Between holding my BFF's hand when her parents divorced, remarried, and divorced again (when we were 12, 15, and 19), to watching my husband try to grow to manhood and be a good husband and father without any guidance whatsoever, I'm determined to go down fighting. I'm determined to break the cycle of WAH that has plagued my WH paternal family since the Civil War. MY son will NOT do that if I can prevent it.
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
I can't believe that my DDs would EVER accept this. They liked the OW in the capacity in which they knew her before. Her now being WH's lover couldn't possibly go over well, could it?
No, it won't. Kids want stability. They want Mommy and Daddy together. DD 12 in particular will be HORRIFIED and probably lose all respect for her father. If she's close to you but not to him and sees how much he's hurt you, it will end any civil relationship between them forever. She will never accept OW.
I know that sounds grim, but I've seen it SO many times. And step-siblings? They only get along well on sitcoms.
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
I'm tying to stay Freddy free and on the wave.
Girl, you must be black stamping EVERYTHING! I know it can't be easy. Calm, safe, secure...serenity now! You need to continue to do this, if only to give yourself peace of mind and bolster your self esteem.
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
Sometimes I think I'm crazy that I think this whole situation is immoral.
Sounds like my story! My WH runs around, OW benefits from cozying up the boss, the university disregards its own rules regarding prof/student liasons...and I get ARRESTED for objecting?
It's like Allen says - there ought to be a law against 3rd parties encroaching on a marriage. If they broke into your house, they'd be arrested. Why aren't they liable for breaking into your marriage? It's okay for OW to accept lingerie from my WH and text him at 3 am, but it's NOT ok for me to write a nasty email exposing she did those things?
No, you're not crazy for thinking it's immoral. EVERYONE ELSE is for thinking it's not!
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
It's too hard to work at it. I'd much rather start all over again and ruin my kids than stay and make it work.
I just have to figure out how to treat him and get on with my life but keep my goal alive for reconciliation some day. It is more challenging to keep the desire to stay committed as an EC in the face of a separated WH.
Ultimately, you have to decide what your limits are, how much you're willing to take for 'the team'.
What I've discovered from our in-house separation is that I don't need him. There was a time in my life when I didn't think I could breathe without him by my side, but he's destroyed all that. He's given me every reason to walk away and start over. It's certainly an option.
I'm spending more time on my business, more time with our kids, and even told Larry that if it weren't for my scheduled love movies throughout the day and my posting here, I wouldn't think of him much at all. Because the man in the love movies ISN'T the one living in basement (although he started to peek out over the weekend). If I can't have THAT guy, I don't want this one. I want love, romance, intimacy and EXCLUSIVITY. If he can't give it to me, then NEXT!
Larry laughed and said WH is feeling that vibe. I've taken the pressure off by distancing myself and getting a life, and now he's rethinking his options. I'm giving him all the time he wants with OW, which he took full advantage of early on in the separation, but has now grown steadily less. It's not nearly as fun trying to outwit the "stupid" wife when she's enjoyable to be around, knows full well what he's up to, but doesn't seem to give a damn.
What's more, OW can't withstand the pressure. She's been using him, thought he was safely married, and now that she's the cause of its collapse and he's looking to her for support, she can't get out of here fast enough. But like Allen said in an earlier post, she doesn't want to burn those bridges.
That's ok. I've got a torch. I'll burn them for her once she's gone.
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
I don't know if this is a MLC, but I will check out that thread you mentioned. Thanks.
I don't know if it is either, but WhatNow gives good advice. I think you'll like her.
If he stayed for the kids, we'd be modeling to them a "loveless" marriage.
Wow.. this is exactly what my H told me, nearly word for word. I countered with: "So you'd rather show her how to give up when she thinks something's too hard, and teach her to ignore the consequences of doing so?"
That was over three months ago, but still feels like he said it last night.
He's justifying, elvencat, making excuses. That's what they all do, which is why their words sound exactly the same. How many other things has he said to you that cut you to the core that could be repeated verbatim by any number of BS's on this forum?
I know it hurts. But it's not HIM. The guy you fell in love with is trapped deep inside, imprisoned by this creature that's taken over his body. You can only trust 50% of what he says and even less of what he does right now. He's in the FOG. Would you believe every word he said if he was strung out on crack? No! Then don't do it now.
Detach, let him deal with his addiction, and be strong!
------------------------ I apologize in advance as I don't know how to separate your message from my reply so I just used the --- mark.
------------------------------------
Thanks!
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
Our families had become good friends, socialized together and even vacationed together.
I am SO sorry! I can only imagine the double betrayal.
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
I tried everything, Mort Fertel, etc., but I think the difference is that he'd already made up his mind and had given himself permission to pursue OW and no matter what I did it it didn't change his mind.
The "Point of No Return" that Larry talks about. But has he reached The Snap Line?
--------------------------------
I've asked myself that question, but for a long time I didn't think so as he still shows emotion for me - says he "loves me" and will always be there for me and expresses interest in my life. Asks me how I'm doing, etc. However now I don't volunteer much. I try to talk mostly about the kids.
--------------------------------------------
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
BTW, OW had an affair 5 years ago with another neighbor who is now divorced. However, my WH says that affair happened because she was just lonely but that her relationship with him is the real thing because they are soulmates and are so compatible, been through the ringer together, her bad marriage, her affair with the neighbor, her starting a new business, etc.
'Just lonely', 'the 'real thing', 'soul mates'. Gag me! Wonder how much of this script is verbatim from her first marriage-destroying mission? I mean affair.
HER bad marriage, HER affair, HER new business - so, it's all about HER, is? Wow, she's sure got your WH buffaloed! Bet she's a chaos kid. Or in need of medication.
-----------------------------
She's not a chaos kid - her parents have been married 50 years and I don't believe there was anything unusual with their marriage. Her sister is divorced and re-married so maybe that's why she thinks it's OK.
--------------------------------- Stats say only 1% of relationships that begin as affairs survive. This has 99% written all over it. OW sounds VERY selfish and self-centered. Having problems in your marriage? Don't go to counseling, just start wreaking havoc on the neighbors' marriages instead! There's a special place in hell for people like this. I predict that as soon as your WH looks the other way for 5 minutes, she's outta there. So, so sad.
------------------------------------------- She did MC with her H after the first affair. According to her and my WH she "really tried" but it just didn't work. Yeah, tried to work on her marriage while she was luring my WH (although he was a willing participant). -----------------------------------------------
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
I made mistakes, but I NEVER broke my vows and never stopped loving him. Pile on top of that the fact that he's a chaos kid and what a mess. As Larry told me, whether it was D (OW) or someone else, WH was programmed for this to happen. His father cheated on his mother and that's what he learned - Your wife is an annoyance, so do your own thing.
I hear you!
Larry was surprised my WH lasted as long as he did without straying, given the infidelity that grows like a vine through both sides of his family tree. His parents were separated when we got married, and each brought their then-lover with them to the wedding. All four of them stood in the front pew of the groom's side of the church, staring daggers at each other, while my family stood there watching with their jaws on the floor. That was the day I entered the "Twilight Zone" - WH family style. Some of the drama I've seen from the sidelines over the years makes JR Ewing and Alexis Carrington look like pussycats.
Larry was suprised that we lasted as long as we did. He said we went as long as we did because I was taught to serve my man no matter what and my WH is a bucker. My WH's parents were a mess. Father came from poverty, no father figure in his life, etc. Ran around on my MIL, struggled to make a living, 8th grade education, MIL raised 4 kids on welfare, had an almost nervous breakdown, loved WH, but spent most of time just trying to keep her head above water, so in many ways he was left to raise himself. ----------------------------------------------------
My mother - a chaos kid, the only one in our family tree - tried to warn me THEN. She didn't like my MIL, said my FIL was smarmy, and she warned me there would be problems with WH down the road. I didn't believe her. Wished I had. She knew what she was talking about. As Larry asked, "Would you still have married him if you knew then what you know now?" I doubt it. But when you're in love, no one can tell you anything...
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
I struggle now with how to treat him. If I'm nice I feel he may think I approve of his choice.
I understand. Divorce-busting and doing a 180 is all about pulling back and letting them know what life is like without you. No approval, no encouragement.
Larry's technique calls for distancing with kindess, to let them know that you're NOT under their thumb, but you're also not a b*tch. The goal is short and sweet, so they begin to associate that with you - sweetness. No Freddy to feed on.
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
On many occasions, I've told him that he acts like I'm supposed to be happy that he's no longer in love with me and that he's found someone else, huh?
That's his Freddy talking -- if YOU have someone new, that makes his leaving that much easier. Don't believe him. --------------------------------------------------------------
When my WH moved to the basement, he told me he wouldn't be jealous if I found someone new. His actions contradict that. Whenever we're in a group of people and I'm talking to a man, WH appears at my side to see what's going on.
It's all part of the fantasy - and the reality. If I have someone new and you have someone new, nobody gets hurt, right? On the other hand, if my new someone doesn't work out and you already have someone new -- wait! Where's that leave me?! No, better for me to keep my options open with two...
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
He's of the mindset that our relationship failed, but we had a lot of good years together and we both deserve to be "happy". If he stayed for the kids, we'd be modeling to them a "loveless" marriage. If he thought he could get "it" back, he would stay, but he doesn't see how to get "it" back. Well, that's because you gave "it" away when you broke your vows. Our kids will be fine as long as we stay friends and love each other. He still loves me and wants to be my good friend and help me in any way he can - he's just doesn't feel any passion for me.
Justification, justification, justification.
My husband was a MESS when his father left when he was 15. He HATED him. He blamed his mother for running him off. I can't tell you how much sh*t I've had to listen to and deal with over the years from both WH and MIL because FIL wouldn't "man up" and be responsible.
So what happens the instant WH finds a willing playmate and decides to run off and follow in his cheating father's footsteps? "Oh, it wasn't so bad. The kids will survive. They'll get over it."
Yeah, my WH too. He likes to say of all people he should know what it's like to be a child with divorced parents so he knows how to "do it right" and that means that as long as we're friends and model a "loving" relationship to the kids, they'll be fine. He didn't truly get over his parent's divorce 'til he was at least in his twenties and to this day his relationship with both his parents and his three siblings isn't good. My MIL is really upset with him and has been very encouraging to me to hang in there and take care of myself and the kids. She supports my hope that we can reconcile some day, but encourages me to work on me and that I am capable of great things. -----------------------------------------------------------------
REALLY? Like HE did, still lamenting the loss 30 YEARS later?
AMNESIA. FOG. ABDUCTED BY ALIENS.
THAT'S why I'm fighting SO hard. I REFUSE to put my children through that if I can possibly avoid it. Between holding my BFF's hand when her parents divorced, remarried, and divorced again (when we were 12, 15, and 19), to watching my husband try to grow to manhood and be a good husband and father without any guidance whatsoever, I'm determined to go down fighting. I'm determined to break the cycle of WAH that has plagued my WH paternal family since the Civil War. MY son will NOT do that if I can prevent it.
I agree wholeheartedly. That's been my goal for the last 10 months as I also wanted to somehow break this cycle and not have my children think that when marriage gets tough, you just run away and find someone else. My WH needs to grow up and not run away. I tried to go down fighting. I can honestly say I gave it everything I've got and still am. However, I'm struggling with accepting that I can't "fix" this no matter how much I still love him. It's going to have to come from within him. --------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes I feel like I've developed OCD as I spent more time than I should on still trying to find solutions and "fixing" it. I'm trying to set time limits on reading books, and blogging, etc. I know I need to GAL. I've actually gone back to school so that is occupying my time. ------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
I can't believe that my DDs would EVER accept this. They liked the OW in the capacity in which they knew her before. Her now being WH's lover couldn't possibly go over well, could it?
No, it won't. Kids want stability. They want Mommy and Daddy together. DD 12 in particular will be HORRIFIED and probably lose all respect for her father. If she's close to you but not to him and sees how much he's hurt you, it will end any civil relationship between them forever. She will never accept OW.
----------------------------------------------------------------------- My WH loves the girls and wants to spend time with them. That's another hot issue - custody. I know they need him in their life, but I don't feel it's in their best interest to do the 50/50 thing. I'm aware of the book "Between Two Worlds" and how unsettling it is for kids to go back and forth. Of course, my WH doesn't want to read anything about that, we/he know(s) what's best, if you think it won't work - it won't (so man thinketh, he becometh).
If it every comes to that, I don't want that OW to EVER be raising my kids!!!!!!!!!!! However, our discussions on that topic are pure Freddy. Right now the girls are staying with him on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. He keeps pushing for more and I hedge and say eventually we're working toward that, but let's take our time. BTW, I am a SAHM so the girls are with me every day at some point anyway. ---------------------------------------- I know that sounds grim, but I've seen it SO many times. And step-siblings? They only get along well on sitcoms.
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
I'm tying to stay Freddy free and on the wave.
Girl, you must be black stamping EVERYTHING! I know it can't be easy. Calm, safe, secure...serenity now! You need to continue to do this, if only to give yourself peace of mind and bolster your self esteem.
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
Sometimes I think I'm crazy that I think this whole situation is immoral.
Sounds like my story! My WH runs around, OW benefits from cozying up the boss, the university disregards its own rules regarding prof/student liasons...and I get ARRESTED for objecting?
It's like Allen says - there ought to be a law against 3rd parties encroaching on a marriage. If they broke into your house, they'd be arrested. Why aren't they liable for breaking into your marriage? It's okay for OW to accept lingerie from my WH and text him at 3 am, but it's NOT ok for me to write a nasty email exposing she did those things?
---------------------------------------------------------- As much as that sounds nice, I don't think that would have prevented my situation. (Also, my WH is an attorney, albeit a federal government attorney, but still smart and savy and can easily know all kinds of legal stuff inside and out). ----------------------------------------------------------
No, you're not crazy for thinking it's immoral. EVERYONE ELSE is for thinking it's not!
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
It's too hard to work at it. I'd much rather start all over again and ruin my kids than stay and make it work.
I just have to figure out how to treat him and get on with my life but keep my goal alive for reconciliation some day. It is more challenging to keep the desire to stay committed as an EC in the face of a separated WH.
Ultimately, you have to decide what your limits are, how much you're willing to take for 'the team'.
What I've discovered from our in-house separation is that I don't need him. There was a time in my life when I didn't think I could breathe without him by my side, but he's destroyed all that. He's given me every reason to walk away and start over. It's certainly an option.
I'm spending more time on my business, more time with our kids, and even told Larry that if it weren't for my scheduled love movies throughout the day and my posting here, I wouldn't think of him much at all. Because the man in the love movies ISN'T the one living in basement (although he started to peek out over the weekend). If I can't have THAT guy, I don't want this one. I want love, romance, intimacy and EXCLUSIVITY. If he can't give it to me, then NEXT!
Larry laughed and said WH is feeling that vibe. I've taken the pressure off by distancing myself and getting a life, and now he's rethinking his options. I'm giving him all the time he wants with OW, which he took full advantage of early on in the separation, but has now grown steadily less. It's not nearly as fun trying to outwit the "stupid" wife when she's enjoyable to be around, knows full well what he's up to, but doesn't seem to give a damn.
What's more, OW can't withstand the pressure. She's been using him, thought he was safely married, and now that she's the cause of its collapse and he's looking to her for support, she can't get out of here fast enough. But like Allen said in an earlier post, she doesn't want to burn those bridges.
That's ok. I've got a torch. I'll burn them for her once she's gone.
Originally Posted By: Jointheclub
I don't know if this is a MLC, but I will check out that thread you mentioned. Thanks.
I don't know if it is either, but WhatNow gives good advice. I think you'll like her.
------------------------------------ Thanks SR. I feel better being able to vent to someone who's in the trenches. I have several people who I can talk to but they're past the trenches now. It's crazy how many women I know who've had a similar experience. I could start my own local chapter of "Survivors of husband's infidelity"!! One day at a time, live for the moment. I know the best approach is to stay on the wave and keep the positive in the forefront as much as possible. Thanks again. I'm off to take a test at school. I'll visualize an A and focus on that. Take care.
--------------------------------- M 47, H 47 DD 5, DD 12 Married 23.5 years, T 27 years Separated 4/17/10 EA/PA - started probably about 3 years ago
If he stayed for the kids, we'd be modeling to them a "loveless" marriage.
Wow.. this is exactly what my H told me, nearly word for word. I countered with: "So you'd rather show her how to give up when she thinks something's too hard, and teach her to ignore the consequences of doing so?"
That was over three months ago, but still feels like he said it last night.
He's justifying, elvencat, making excuses. That's what they all do, which is why their words sound exactly the same. How many other things has he said to you that cut you to the core that could be repeated verbatim by any number of BS's on this forum?
I know it hurts. But it's not HIM. The guy you fell in love with is trapped deep inside, imprisoned by this creature that's taken over his body. You can only trust 50% of what he says and even less of what he does right now. He's in the FOG. Would you believe every word he said if he was strung out on crack? No! Then don't do it now. Detach, let him deal with his addiction, and be strong!
I agree here.. I had no idea until I started reading this site and reading everyone's stories that it's like these words came from a macabre play that all WASs know. I'm at the point right now, that I am beginning to realize I CAN be perfectly happy without him, and that even though I don't want to do so, I can move on if that is what I need to do to protect DD and me from H's actions.
Realizing that fact, and acting on it are two different things, but I hope I can get to the point where I'm living the knowledge like you.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
I agree here.. I had no idea until I started reading this site and reading everyone's stories that it's like these words came from a macabre play that all WASs know. I'm at the point right now, that I am beginning to realize I CAN be perfectly happy without him, and that even though I don't want to do so, I can move on if that is what I need to do to protect DD and me from H's actions.
It IS scary, isn't it? You hear stats like 50% of married men cheat and you don't think much of it until you become one of the statistics. I stand in the parking lot at school with 300 other parents and think, 1/2 the people here have, are, or will be going through this at one point. So, SO humbling!
Originally Posted By: elvencat
Realizing that fact, and acting on it are two different things, but I hope I can get to the point where I'm living the knowledge like you.
Thanks, but I still have my down days. It really wasn't until Larry introduced me to his "Me & my Freddy" (angel/devil) concept that it started to make sense.
The man I'm sharing my house with now looks and sounds like my husband, but he's not the man I married. It's like a schizohprenic version with all the accompanying Jekyll/Hyde behavior.
I'm starting to get more Jekyll than Hyde these days, thank goodness, but we're not out of the clear yet. Hopefully not much longer...
Funny how this whole experience makes you become a better judge of character, to see right through people's actions like you never did before.
I was just watching an episode of "My First Place" on HGTV and the first time home buyer, Jen, was a salesperson in her late 20's looking to buy a home in the Philly area for @ $230K. She didn't like ANYTHING in her price range and picked apart every place she went into. Her realtor said she had never shown so many properties to one person, ever.
They used words like "picky" and "particular" to describe Jen, but this girl was a total b*tch. The only reason I kept watching was because she reminded me SO much of OW with her selfish, self-centered, "I DESERVE champagne on a beer budget" attitude that I wanted to see what happened.
At one house that had an acre yard, her sister said offhandedly, "Grass'll never work. Jen's too lazy to mow the lawn."
To which Jen bristled and emphatically responded, "I am NOT lazy! I'll hire neighborhood kids to mow it."
Sister: "Whatever."
Jen: "No! I want you to admit I am NOT lazy! I can't even believe you said that!"
The argued back and forth while the realtor, Anita, rolled her eyes.
Finally, they found a townhouse Jen could live with - even though she hated the carpet, cabinets, and paint. "You can fix those things later," Anita said tersely, "Let's just concentrate on whether you like the layout." Jen did and decided to make an offer.
The asking price was $279,900. She offered $250,000. The counter was $260,000. Comparable homes in the area were going for $280K. The home inspection revealed a list of about $3000 in needed repairs. Jen wanted the seller to fix everything. They agreed to half.
To an experienced home buyer, this was a decent deal.
But Jen, getting a mani/pedi with her sister, decided she'd been TOTALLY screwed by her realtor because she didn't get everything she wanted, including all the repairs, for the $250,000 she originally offered. That $11,500 difference ticked her off.
So, the night before closing, after countless homes and weeks of work, Jen fired Anita and went with someone else in the office. "I just felt she was all about the commission and I didn't like how she talked to me."
Whoa! Bend over backwards...to get fired?
Yep, just like OW!
Or WH, for that matter.
It doesn't matter what anyone else brings to the table. It does matter how much time and energy went into getting to this point. The only side they see is theirs.
You know, I could see this deal going bad from the start. When someone reminds you of OP, you know the outcome's not gonna be good...
WH wandered home around 9:15. When he saw the two younger kids watching a movie and staying up past their bedtime, what'd he say? Nada. He changed clothes, found something to eat...and sat and watched the movie with us.
Usually he hollers, "Go to bed!" before he effectively empties the room by changing the channel to 24/7 news. VERY odd!
Then, after the movie was over and I got all three of them to bed, I came back downstairs to do a last walk through for dirty dishes and finish cleaning the kitchen. He'd already closed down the main floor for the night, but the basement light was still on. It was early for him - 11 pm.
Finished the kitchen, went to check email, and heard him come back upstairs and turn on the TV. He was in the living room for about 5 minutes before I heard him mutter, "God I hate this!" at my office door.
When I turned to look, he was already gone. He turned off the TV and all the lights and stomped all the way back down to the basement.
I nearly laughed out loud. So...he thought my coming back downstairs (I rarely do) was an invitation to come spend some time alone with me? His mistake! And he acted like a brooding teenager about it.
Curious, I pulled up the router logs - and saw only his usual news and science sites, no gmail, yahoo mail, or skype activity with OW. He didn't even login to his University email. VERY strange!
This morning, he had his 7 am meeting and awakened me around 6:20 by getting dressed (sleeps downstairs, all his clothes still in our room). He took FOREVER. I pretended to be asleep. His cologne smelled really nice, and as he was leaving, I decided to throw him a bone. I said, "You smell good."
He's so annoyed with me he came back from his meeting, parked the car, and didn't come back in the house before he walked to work.
As oblivious as he's been to MY feelings, stumbling around here like a drunk hippo unconcerned about the damage, I'm surprised he has HIS feelings out of pocket.
Guess I shouldn't be. In his world, it's ALL ABOUT HIM.
It's like I'm living with a cocky 16-year-old jock...
No - it was more than the comment. He REALLY does have his panties in a knot this morning!
Just noticed the plant he gave me for Valentine's Day in the trash. Granted, it's been dead for a while, sitting in a windowsill, and needed to be thrown out, but the fact he did it THIS morning makes me wonder what he's thinking.
Not nice to let the plant die? No, it wasn't. But I'm not the green thumb, he is. And this paled in comparison to his usual Valentine's Day gift: my annual poem. I have 19 of them, from 1989-2008. He stopped writing after I exposed the affair.
So...not even 10:30 here and we're off to a roaring start...
