I don't know why this has happened for the second time in a week. I think maybe it's because I don't care anymore? It's wrong, yes, and counterproductive, but I didn't realize how much stuff I bottled up the past several months. Her cake eating, lying, etc just got to me.
If you truly didn't care anymore, her behavior wouldn't upset you. BTW, what were you doing up at 12:30 am on a Sunday night? You weren't waiting up for her were you? If you were, you took her bait, hook, line and sinker.
Your latest feelings about divorce are prefectly natural. Nobody would blame you for pulling the plug, given her behavior. It really comes down to what you think is best for your kids and for you. Just make sure that you think through any decisions with long-term implications. Doing nothing is a decision that might have long-term implications as well.
Update: Been awhile, and my situation is absolutely driving me crazy. She remains in the house, continues the affair, is wearing an engraved watch that dbag gave her, and is doing nothing to move along our dissolution. I tried talking it out with her, and she still won't do anything. She is nice to my face, but passive aggressive, staying out late, going on trips, etc. I feel absolutely handcuffed.
I feel like filing for divorce will simply take even more money and more time to complete, but I don't know if I have any other choices? She won't leave my house, won't get out and move on with her life. And it's not like I'm making it cozy for her.
"I've decided this isn't working for me. I am going to start the D filing."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Update: Been awhile, and my situation is absolutely driving me crazy. She remains in the house, continues the affair, is wearing an engraved watch that dbag gave her, and is doing nothing to move along our dissolution. I tried talking it out with her, and she still won't do anything. She is nice to my face, but passive aggressive, staying out late, going on trips, etc. I feel absolutely handcuffed.
I feel like filing for divorce will simply take even more money and more time to complete, but I don't know if I have any other choices? She won't leave my house, won't get out and move on with her life. And it's not like I'm making it cozy for her.
Advice?
Norse
I am in the SAME boat as you are right now. I am filing.
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
-Shortly after my last post, I found out my W was stealing money from our joint bank account (money was being deposited automatically from a teaching job that I do once per year and forgot about). I confronted her, via phone call, and when I did, she was over at Dbag's house, having "a nice dinner." So, I lost it. Said things that would make a sailor cower. And discovered, nine minutes later, that she had taped the entire phone call.
-later that night, two uniformed police officers showed up at my door, and arrested me as my kids were sleeping peacefully, charging me with one count of menacing and one count of domestic violence. So, I was handcuffed, etc in front of my neighbors, and spent two and a half days in the county jail. At my hearing, wife showed up with Dbag, his arm around her as I stood there next to felons with the word "Prisoner" on my chest.
-the day I got out, I discovered she had gone into my BUSINESS account and stolen a large chunk of money. Remember, she works at the bank. However, she was not on the account, and shouldn't have been allowed to do that. An investigation was started shortly thereafter, and the bank reimbursed me.
-she was fired from her job of 7 years at the bank shortly thereafter, and filed for divorce.
-I have a protection order against me, which means I cannot be anywhere near her without the presence of a uniformed police officer. I am not allowed in my house, which I alone am paying for.
-She is "allowing" me to see my children (!) two nights a week and every other weekend.
-I have been living in an extended stay hotel since May 1st.
-My colleagues at the hospital where one of my offices is located found out about the DV charge, and I was put on paid leave, even though they knew the charges were bogus. So I now pay two colleagues to cover my patients while I work to clear my name. Got some privileges back this week, but still waiting on the others.
-first divorce hearing was this Thursday. She agreed to drop the criminal charges, but is demanding that the protection order stay in place. Agreed that she will be out of my house in 60 days, and will find employment and a local apartment.
And that's my life. It's amazing how things can change in an instant. And how much things can change over a year.
Oh yea, and my first book will be hitting the bookstores in August. So that's good news. My boys seem to be doing ok; I'm showering them with love and quality time. I can deal with the loss of my marriage, but I don't want them feeling the effects of my wife's infidelity and actions more than they need to.
I don't what to say. Sorry you had to go thru all of that.
What's the book about?
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Book is called Sports Psychology for Dummies. Due out in stores in September here in U.S. I appreciate the support from the forums, as always.
Sometimes I'm overwhelmed at how quickly my life has changed in less than one year. I know I'll be happy on the other side, but in the meantime, it's completely surreal and sobering dealing with the details of divorce, splitting everything up, etc.
