If she says she won't move and is firm on not moving...
Then YOU move out. Get your ducks in a row. Staying and living together is a no no when you want to show them you are moving on down the road and letting go.
i hate to jump in on this and put a negative spin on it. but is there any legal implications on moving out? can the spouse claim 'abandonment' and then take the entire house if the d goes through?
Hijacking IS allowed on this thread...It is even welcomed..
Quote:
My H left me, an independant minded woman, for a weak, clingy one. How is that? Strength and agreeing with him as per your precription have sent him more towards her not away.
I see he has been gone for over TWO YEARS.. I see that you say that you were depressed... You seem to have also begun to believe that the OW is weak and clingy. I usually try not to take what a BS tells me as the gospel of what is REALLY going on.
Here is the bottom line in your situation ....
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He says he's in love with OW and wants no more to do with me.
Is he any different than you or I when we feel we love someone? Would another man be able to pull YOU away from a man you love? Then why would you think it would be different for you or me?
This is your agree with him answer. "OK, I realize that you love her.I don't know why I didn't understand that is what you have been saying all along. I get it. You LOVE HER."
It has been long enough for you.. Your best chance is to bring another man into your life that your WS sees that you are getting very interested in. He will not be coming back until that happens. He may not come back after that happens. However, I encourage you to stop waiting for him. It isn't working. Find another man that WANTS to be with you and treats you like you are a queen. Suddenly your WS will turn your stomach.
Sorry, but that is your answer.... For you.. and maybe even for him..
i'm going to repeat my question above. great advice on how a LBH should act/be. what about the LBW? like smileuk, i'm independent and strong. my h left me for his needy and clingy mother.
i thought being independent and strong was a good thing. but apparently, it drove my h away.
but is there any legal implications on moving out? can the spouse claim 'abandonment' and then take the entire house if the d goes through?
That is covered under the "get your ducks in a row" part of the equation....
MAKE it happen.. Take CHARGE... Cover your own butt..
One of you HAS to go.. I would encourage you to take the initiative and push THEM out.. If not... YOU leave.. One or the other.. It won't work living together... It will still end up with one of you leaving. It works better if you get them to leave early while they just want it over than it does to wait and they then will fight back on every issue.. Down to who gets the toilet paper left on the roll
what about the LBW? like smileuk, i'm independent and strong. my h left me for his needy and clingy mother.
I don't accept your premise. It is difficult to give you the answer you are looking for when I don't agree with your diagnosis of your H. I really don't believe for one minute that he left you because or for his mother. Your mind seems to be made up on that issue. So is mine.
It works better if you get them to leave early while they just want it over than it does to wait and they then will fight back on every issue.. Down to who gets the toilet paper left on the roll
gucci is very right on this. take it from someone who has been there. and yes, it does get extremely petty and ugly.
i got through it but it's not over yet.
gucci .. why does this happen? can it be overcome? fighting over material things has overshadowed his reason for d-ing.
i'm working away at being attractive again and making sure he sees that others are interested in me. even though we are not in the same house, we play squash at the same club.
Then YOU move out. Get your ducks in a row. Staying and living together is a no no when you want to show them you are moving on down the road and letting go.
2nd choice.... Start socially interacting with the oppostie sex and have the time of your life while doing it. Text one of your new social friends day and night and at all hours. Laugh on the phone loudly and deeply while your wife is within hearing distance(usually works best when that social friend just happens to be the opposite sex.. ..ony friends of course ).... all while leaving her alone...
those are the best two options
Yes.
I moved out, but to the small apartment we have on our property. My W sees me everyday, which plays out well. Since I GAL, I started being more presentable, am wearing that Axe stuff you see on TV(yes it freaking works like the commercials), leave at odd times even if it is to go to the park to collectivly think or read DR/DB. I have also shaved my sideburns that I wore since God knows when. These things here has made W so jealous.
Everytime, my W text me and calls me to see where I am at. Of course I eitherdo not respond or give a one word answer. She has already told me this gets perturbs her. Also, as soon as I come home W wants to know where, what, why, etc. I have been. She'll storm out to go back to the house. She either A) comes back B)starts texting to talk more.
As Coach say "be catnip". W wants it...meow.
Last edited by CPCajun; 07/01/1003:59 PM.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
I stress if there are kids involved because it assures the kids, there won't be any fighting in the house late at night when mommy/daddy finally comes home from her/his date with OP and the message that mommy/daddy dating OP is moraly unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
Originally Posted By: DumpedforMIL
i thought being independent and strong was a good thing. but apparently, it drove my h away.
Like gucci, I disagree with your premise that he left you for his mother, nah. I know a gentleman here who also said his W left him because her daddy is a "powerful successful business man who" who belittled the H because he didn't add up to everything daddy did.
Horsesquash in both cases.
Without knowing your situation, but yet you adiment to say twice that you are stong and independent, THAT is what I think drove your H away. Maybe I'm pulling the brass root of what happens when you ass-u-me, but I'm willing to bet you wore the pants in the household. After time, and alot of ridicule from his buddies, a man is gonna walk, and find a woman who is weak and quiet that HE can walk over and finally wear the pants for once. Purely henced why WAS' leave the marriage for the EXACT OPPOSITE of the LBS.
Just say'n
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I believe that a few of the women who are saying they are "independent and strong" have got it backwards.....
It seems you are saying you were independent and strong or at least you want to believe that you were, while you were in your relationship...
Let me use my wonderful wife as an example of how I view an independent and strong woman...
Mrs. Gooch is the most flexible, giving, thoughtful woman I have ever known. She does things for me WITHOUT asking.. She would dig ditches with me all day long if I needed her help. She allows me to lead and yet still gives her opinion if necessary.. But always in a very gentle kind spirit. She walks by me and touches me just because.. She tells me how great I am.. She playfully makes fun of me when the Gooch is full of himself.
Weak and clingy????? Not in your life... That isn't weak an clingy. I WANT her to show me how much she loves me. Why wouldn't I? I dont want her to show the strength and independence you are talking about WHILE IN a love relatinship.. That is silly.
HOWEVER... The Gooch knows her well enough to know without a shadow of a doubt that if he EVER took advantage of her by having an affair or any number of other treatments of her that are unacceptable...
Mrs. GOOCH would get real strong real quick.. She would blot me out of her life and be as strong as she needed to be.
THERE is the difference ladies... I think most all of us men enjoy and like to be with a woman who thinks we are all of that and a loaf of bread... The difference is when we test you. If you fail those tests of your inner strength, then you are destined to lose him. We do need a little challenge to keep us on our toes...
Read the thread from "Mystik".... She is exactly what I am talking about.. Loved her husband dearly... He was her whole life.. Nothing wrong with that..
HER MISTAKE is that she failed and is still failing to RISE UP AND GET STRONG NOW... NOW is the time for her to show him what she is made of... It hurts to see her failing and I read and see her answer, but can't get through to her because she is too focused on the "poor pitiful me".. She doesn't want get him back bad enough if she can't see how getting strong would very possibley bring him back.
