It took me a long, long, time. Lots of anger, depression, fallbacks, and god only knows how the list can go on finally ending at divorce unitl I finally let her go once and for all.
To set example of Gucci's awesome post here.....
6 months after I let her go finally, she came back.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I'm not sure where I stand on the whole "is MLC real" thing. It's probably a lot like ADHD in kids: real, but WAY over-diagnosed.
I avoid the MLC area like the plague. I often find it comical how many LBS' bury (read as subconsciensly DENY) their OWN problems and contributions and all the sudden have a PhD in psychology and "know" the only problem is their wayward is "in MLC".
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I don't read nor post in MLC. I am in 'separated' because that is where I am at now. If there was a forum for h's who leave their w's for their toxic parents, you'd find me there. . But such a forum does not exist.
My anger is preventing me from detaching. I know it. I have been angry so long and I have been getting great support from coach and Forrest. But every time someone asks me about my sitch, it is like reliving the ordeal.
I repeat stuff hoping to find something different but it is always the same. I am looking for something that would make me feel some compassion so I won't be so angry. But I never find it.
You know what prevents me from trying? I feel that my sitch is so unique that these methods may not work. I have tried to find a similar sitch as mine and I can't find one. My sitch would be a challenge to you.
Women are ATTRACTED to men with EMOTIONAL STRENGTH... strength in times of stess. Strong when all around them is crumbling.. THAT is the strength she will respond to.
Pulling this over here.
To get there you don't need to understand what your WAW is thinking but understand what she is feeling. Why your actions are making her feel the way she does. Confidence, poise, and self-control are actions you take as a man that make a woman feel attracted to you and safe in your presence. Doesn't mean you don't have fear but have the courage to handle it the right way. You have to be emotionally strong to lead like this.
Use what currently works, understand what doesn't work and why you keep doing it anyway, find a new behavior, try it and keep it if it works. This works for me -TEA. Thoughts proceed emotion and emotion proceeds action. Your woman needs to know her man can control his emotions to take the right action when needed. This is a primal instinct that is hardwired in us.
Stay thirsty my friends.
Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Question: We are still living together although we don't sleep together. How to detatch when were still in the same house?
Two answers that I would say would work..
1st.... ONE of you has to move. "WS, I have done some thinking and I have decided that this just isn't working out for me. I think we should move toward separating and divorce and I think it would be wise if we start it asap. We have a few issues to work out, but the first one is that I think you should find another place. Maybe move to your moms or your friends or get your own place for now, but I want to separate need some space. I will give you two weeks to find a place and get moved. If you can't get everything moved in two weeks, we can store stuff in the garage for a few more weeks until you get situated." (said firmly, matter of factly an yet cordially.. As if you will even help her by letting her leave stuff at the house for a small period of time...)
If she says she won't move and is firm on not moving...
Then YOU move out. Get your ducks in a row. Staying and living together is a no no when you want to show them you are moving on down the road and letting go.
2nd choice.... Start socially interacting with the oppostie sex and have the time of your life while doing it. Text one of your new social friends day and night and at all hours. Laugh on the phone loudly and deeply while your wife is within hearing distance(usually works best when that social friend just happens to be the opposite sex.. ..ony friends of course ).... all while leaving her alone...
I can see how this approaches works for woman but would you recommend a similar approach to a WAH in an affair? My H left me, an independant minded woman, for a weak, clingy one. How is that? Strength and agreeing with him as per your precription have sent him more towards her not away.
).... all while leaving her alone...