Good... what we're trying to aviod is larry telling you later "well, you were mixing my advice with the db forum so the results aren't going to be stellar..."
If you don't follow his advice to the letter he can always say "I told you so..."
And I bet Larry will say something similar like MWD: "Patience, my dear Red, patience."
I realize you want him to come to you NOW but dang....he has changed significantly in 3 months right? And think of the timespan of the A....is it 2-3 years??? So in my mind, I figure it would take 1)affair winding down 2)lots of break up/make up/ break up 3)your H going through withdrawal/depression 4)your H sees the light!/wakes up/comes out of the fog/comes to his senses
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
It is very similar in a lot of ways with setting boundaries, distancing, and removing yourself from toxic conversations. But he talks MUCH more about the reasons WHY the affair happened in the first place so that you can understand where your WS is coming from. I've also learned A LOT about myself - and how much I've enabled WH's inconsiderate behavior over the years by allowing him to work all hours, not insisting on more participation with the kids, doing SO MUCH by myself, etc. The one-on-one conversations have been life-changing.
Larry also advocates being kind to your WS at all times and NOT fighting so that WS begins to associate that with you. In time, if he fights with anyone, it will be the OW.
That seems to be the case with my WH. After the blowup I heard from OW on Sunday, his whole demeanor has changed. He's not working nearly as much; he's working out, playing on AddictingGames.com, and generally keeping to himself. I don't know if it means they're in a lull; I don't think so. The EA's been winding down the last few weeks and her acting like a spoiled brat may have been the death knell. Let's hope so! Maybe she'll throw herself into her dissertation and get the h*ll out of Dodge (the university) asap!
One of these days maybe I'll be able to get Larry's program. It sounds good. I agree that conflicting "methods" can be confusing, as Allen has said. Sometimes I think we get into information overload yet then, I feel the better educated we are, the better off we are! Who knows. LOL
Just heard back from Larry by email, and as he reminded me again, the marriage we had is dead. Over. Kaput. There is NO going back to "normal," because it doesn't exist any more. We don't have an emotional connection; we have a living arrangement.
So my mission, should I choose to accept it, is to start a new relationship with him. To treat him like a new guy at work that I'm attracted to. A little flirting, a few off-color comments - the things you do in a new relationship that make it fun and playful, casting the line to see if he'll bite. Not pursuing exactly (that's WH's job)...more like that friendly neighbor over the fence stopping to chat now instead of just waving.
Larry gave me a list of things to do, some WAY more suggestive than I'm used to, but they would definitely catch WH's attention, lol! There's lots of role playing. As I've got the role of the scullery maid mother of three down pat, I can now advance to the part of the flirtatous, mysterious MILF, whom he catches sight of on occasion, looks forward to seeing again, and eventually decides to pursue.
Actually, it sounds fun. I remember watching a Match.com ad not long ago and thinking, "What would it be like to start over and date someone new?" I think I may get to find out...with my WH! Nothing like re-kindling those love endorphines between US!
