Last night when H got home, I was wearing my top unbuttoned fairly low and a new necklace that kind of showed it off (as well as a good push up bra, lol). I noticed how he kept looking throughout dinner! I didn't flirt - just acted like it was normal and what I'd worn around town all day. Of course, I would never actually do that - it was buttoned more conservatively as I ran my errands - but he didn't need to know that!
WH home by 8:30 every night this week except when he had a meeting. As my Friday Night Travels took longer to cook than expected ("Mom! I'm STARVING!"), he was even home for our trip to France tonight so we could enjoy French onion soup and Quiche Lorraine together as we talked about Louis Pasteur, Napoleon, and the flying buttresses of Notre Dame. All in all, fun and interesting.
He's still dropping hints that he'd like to move back to our room, but I'm ignoring them for now. I'm not that easy - and I'm also not particularly attracted to the OW marionette. The strings are breaking one by one, but they're not completely gone yet. That Pinnochio living in my basement needs to turn back into a man - a real man - and do some wooing before he's welcomed back.
The marriage we had is over. If he wants a new one, he's going to have to work for it...
I can feel your strength and confidence through your posts!!! You keep going and doing whatever it is to pull your H to you! Absolutely do not let him back in the room before he has ended things with OW!
About the Friday night travels...I LOVE French onion soup (even without the cheese) and quiche Lorraine! I think it was a good idea for your H to be a part of one of those nights so he can see how amazing and creative you are (well, be reminded of it at least) and see what he is missing out on with the family and the kids!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Thanks NM & Sunny D - you ladies are so sweet! Appreciate it!
You know - I FEEL like a different person these days (thanks, Larry!). I've been working on me, GALing, doing lots of reading ("Magic of Believing" - good stuff!), and working in my online business.
Larry's program is about becoming an Environment Changer - changing your environment by changing yourself. I still have a LONG way to go to get where I want to be, but you know what? At least I'm THINKING about the future these days instead of wallowing in self-pity and wondering what WH saw in OW that he didn't see in me. I can go days without thinking about her now.
Granted, things between WH and me aren't nearly as rough as most of the situations on these boards, but our marriage was threatened and may end still, though I think the odds of that happening grow less and less each day.
Evidence: He was afraid to disappoint me this morning.
The colleague's get together we were supposed to go to on the 4th got moved to today. I asked him on Wednesday what time and what to bring and he said he'd call her, but forgot. When he called this morning, she said that because she hadn't heard back from him, she'd made other plans.
I had to hear, "I was busy, you haven't been around much, we're ships passing in the night --" before he got to the point: "it's cancelled." I said, "Oh, that's too bad! I was looking forward to seeing her. Maybe next time. What would you like to do instead?"
He seemed relieved I wasn't devastated, which I find VERY cute. Six weeks ago, IF he'd invited me, he'd have said, "It's off, get over it" with no preamble.
So, he's back to caring what I think now. Always a good sign.
Well, perhaps my flirting and slinking skills aren't as rusty as I thought...
I was hit on by 5 guys yesterday.
At church.
One was a high school senior. Another was his dad.
I smiled all the way home. Alas, since I went by myself, I was unable to annoy WH with it, but it did reconfirm something I've discovered since doing the 180: there are other men out there who find me attractive. Quite the revelation. In truth, I haven't enjoyed this much male attention since my modeling and pageant days 25 years ago. I guess all those Cosmo polls are right: men DO find confidence sexy!
When I got home, WH and DD 12 were watching "What Happens in Vegas" with Ashton Kutcher and Carmen Diaz. It was right near the end, when they're on the beach and Jack (AK) asks Joy (CD) to marry him and she says, "For the last six months, I stopped trying to please everyone else and by doing that, I think I found myself again." And I said without thinking, "It DOES feel nice, doesn't it Carmen?"
WH looked at me, surprised. He didn't say anything. But he did check out my legs.
Later, as I was finishing up dinner prep, WH showered and walked by in some shorts. Since he'd been outside doing yard work all afternoon, his back was completely sunburned. I told him he needed to put something on it. After a lengthy search for the aloe vera sunburn lotion, which we couldn't find, WH went outside and snipped some leaves from his aloe vera plant and asked DD 12 to rub some of the juice on his back. She thought it was gross, so I offered to do it. Reluctantly, he agreed. I haven't touched him that much in months, and I took full advantage of it, gently rubbing the aloe all over his back. After a bit he said, "That was nice. Thanks."
Then we had dinner and he went to work for 3.5 with OW. <sigh>
So, good and not-so-good weekend. Last week, I thought they were kaput. This dragging on and on is annoying...
Allen wrote on QuickSilver's thread that QS's WAW's OM is a sleezeball who's probably juggling more than one woman. Allen said that's what happened with his wife. When she found out her OM was being unfaithful to her, they were over.
Allen then talked about monogamous (one) vs polygamus (many) affair partners. When it's one, everything chummy. When it's more than one? No so much.
Here's what he wrote to me:
Originally Posted By: Allen A
In your case SR your H moved into the basement to prove to OW he was in a monogamous affair. To his mind he's being perfectly honourable and faithful to her so if she cheated on him HE would be the one who was treated unfairly... To his mind YOU made mistakes so He can legitimately cheat on you.. Particularly after three years in... I think he's pretty much accepted that you are ok with it.
To his mind he's the perfect husband... YOU made mistakes so its ok for him to cheat... If OW was caught cheating on HIM then he would be devastated.
I think this is probably true. Part of the reason for moving to the basement is because we have a 6-month required separation in our state in order to file for divorce. We're 3 months into it now, and while there has been marked improvement in both of us, he's still downstairs, OW is still in the picture, and things could go either way in the next three months.
So since I can't hire someone to date OW and further exposure really isn't an option at this point (the only one who gets in trouble is me and it takes him months to get over it), I'm trying to think of some things that might push them further apart and end this within the next six weeks.
In addition to Larry's advice to play the hot MILF neighbor (which has certainly been fun!), and getting WH rethinking how "done" he is with me, I'm thinking about:
*Having flowers delivered to his work on our anniversary, July 26th (I hadn't planned to do anything for #24, but this might tick off OW and send a message to all that we're still together)
*Acting contrite at my court date on August 25th (where OW had me arrested for sending a harrassing email to her about her affair with my husband). I also plan to say, if told not to do anything like this again, "There's no need. I've read the police report. I already know how this ends." That will make WH curious to read the report as well, where he'll see that OW told the police she has no plans for a relationship with him.
Any other ideas?
I've been very low key for the last 3 months, so I don't want to come on too strong.
If I'm able to lure WH back into an emotional attachment with me, there's a LONG list of things that has to happen (OW being gone #1) before we can reconcile...
Just emailed Larry for some additional ideas on how to combat OW. Two steps forward, three steps back with those two!
Of course, she may NOT have been there last night - haven't done a "drive by" at night in a while - trying to distance and not care. But I suspect she was...
After I emailed him yesterday, Larry surprised me with a phone call to discuss my "issues" with OW. He reiterated some of the lessons we talked about, discussed why WH strayed, and told me the fastest way to get OW out of my marriage.
How to do it? Well, to make a very long story short, and as either J3B or PDT said: by being the better Princess.
I'm on my way. I've done A LOT of changing in the last 3 months. The doormat's gone. A lighter, more confident woman has emerged.
Which is why guys are suddenly hitting on me, even at church, lol!
Dangerous stuff, that. I can see now how easy it is to stray when you're vulnerable. When strangers treat you better than your spouse, when other men make you feel sexy while your husband ignores you...well, I understand things much better now. Not that I intend to act on it, mind you, but I'm seeing HOW things could start so easily. Too bad most people take the easy road instead of the high road...
Anyway, Larry sent me something that was supposed to be about me but that was so outrageous, I laughed and emailed back that it was just a BIT of hyperbole.
He responded:
"HYPERBOLE…Ah, Yes! from hyperballein to exceed, from hyper- + ballein to throw more at devil. Well, I certainly DO want you to throw more at “devil”, because you’ve had too many years of him throwing more at you!"
Yes, the devil in my husband nearily destroyed everything. Who knew it would be up to a rusty princess to rescue the alien-plagued hero and save the family from certain doom?
