IMO - (and for the record I am not a professional therapist
The issue that I think you need to really look at is not your H per se but why did you need someone else to provide that happiness.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
You are right Eric...although I disagree with the "provide me happiness" part...I will replace that with "prove my attractiveness".
I am generally a happy person.
I think after the self esteem blows- I needed to prove to myself that I "still had it".
When I met this new guy...I really needed to know that "someone" found me attractive. I needed this reassurance. I met this guy the first night after me and my H decided to D.
He did just that..this guy made me feel attractive again..sought after again. I do realize that I need to figure out a way to feel "attractive" again without the reassurance of someone else. Perhaps that will come in time. Suggestions welcome.
I do realize that I need to figure out a way to feel "attractive" again without the reassurance of someone else. Perhaps that will come in time. Suggestions welcome.
Eric....
Why don't you tell her about the tutu.
That might help.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
My self confidence helps me feel attractive. What boalsters yours?
For me, little things like exercise, taking care of how I look (and for me this doesn't mean lots of $$$ on trendy stuff) and laughter. I have an amazing (if not quirky) sense of humor and it's no surprise that people find that comfortable. Not all to be sure, but enough for me.
My age may give me a biological advantage as well as a mental one. I'm 52 and while I like how I look, there is room for improvement and those things that are important to me I work on.
I will tell you that I know I'm attractive b/c of the way people respond to me.
Thanks Grace I had to give up my pilates class due to $$$$..but I have started exercising again....last night ; ) I have been spending time at the beach and actually getting some color (I havent spent time in the sun without FULL sun protection in 10 years). I have joked with my friends about the year 2010 being my year of the suit. When I am now at the beach...my bikini is my uniform. I gave up the bikini when I gave up the sun. I think I am finally at a good weight again. Some people eat when they are stressed...it is the last thing I want to do- so I did lose some unnecessary weight. It is ALL in my head. I just need to break the cycle.
Grit and Eric I MUST hear more about this tutu...or is it better that I am spared the details? I hope there isn't a picture of EITHER one of you in a skirt of any kind ; )
Lola, I've lost down to 127 pounds and I still won't wear a bikini. You are my hero. Even though I know that I personally look good, I wear make up and fix my hair for work, etc., inside I still cringe a lot. Guess that's just something that has to come with time.
Good for you Punkin. How much weight did you lose?
I too...get dressed nice every day- hair and makeup- I just don't feel much like myself yet...well actually I feel very much like my recent self...but I would like to feel like my old self again.
Just get into that bikini!!! At 127- go buy yourself a string bikini and strut your stuff around Arkansas!!!
The pink tutu thing has been haunting me since I said it...err..wrote. There are no pictures of me in a tutu but I do believe Grit has one with him in the "indian village people offit". LMAO.
On a serious note, think about what Grace said...re the feeling attractive. Your attractive will come when you finally realize that you are totally responsible for your happiness. When you are truly happy - your attractivness will show and will no longer need anyone to validate that. Is it easy - hell no.
Think long and hard about the GAL and focus on you comments. Do these things and you may 1) get your H back (if that is what you want) and 2) become the person that really you want to be.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I went to IC last night..well we had a phone session instead. I have been struggling with the "how do you deal with childhood issues?" question all week.
I have spoken to my friends about this.. ANSWER- talk therapy??? How does talk therapy help someone deal with childhood issues?
The first question I asked my IC was 1) Who doesn't have childhood issues? ANSWER- we all have childhood issues
2) How does one deal with childhood issues? ANSWER- therapy
3) How does this help? ANSWER- it helps you realize your issues and patterns
4) So recognizing these issues makes everything OK? ANSWER- it helps you recognize them so you don't act out.
5) Once you recognize them...does that prevent someone from acting out? ANSWER- not necessarily
