Puppy - Thank you to responding to mny sitch. You are right. I did not expose, but I REALLY wanted to, but then I was sooo worried about everyone's reaction and what he would tell people to convince them that I was being irrational. I do have proof. I have emails between the tow of them and credit card receipts. I also have the personal knowledge of witnessing him being dropped off by her to our home when I was suppose to be out of town (I came home early than planned).
I know I am not prepared, and I do know that I will react.
BTW, H called me from Afghanistan yesterday (not sure if he thought about the fact that yesterday was our anniversary) and then again today. I kept the conversation calm and spoke only about the house and the things we had already agreed to take care of. It was as if he did not want to get off of the phone. We skyped today by the way and I had my video turned off and he said he wanted to see me.. Calling me babe and honey (when for the last few months, he has called me by my first name).
I know...still to emotionally attached to my H. I need to GAL. I want to go dark, just need some good advice on how to make going dark successful.
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
Had a visit with my IC this afternoon. She suggested that I send a care package to my H that includes a book by John Gottman. SHe said, what do I have to lose? I told her, he may be so annoyed that I had the audacity to include a book on marital self-help that he may just ignore the package all together.
Your thoughts?
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
Okay. Need some guidance - I have been really trying to keep busy. But I constantly think of my H. I wonder if he is okay, if he thinks about me or us, and if he considering reconciliation. I want to reach out, but I knwo the advice and I know the steps I must take for me. How do I get him out of my head??? ARGHHH!!!!
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
You're still pretty raw to all this. It goes away a little at a time and isn't going to happen overnight. Just take things one day at a time.
One thing that works is to step outside and just take a deep breath. Take in some fresh night air and when you exhale, let all bad thoughts empty out. Listen to music or something else to keep your mind occupied. Keep your other senses stimulated and you won't be thinking about your spouse.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
You are still very new to this. It does take time to get them out of your head. Focus on ShellDoll now. What do you like to do?
Read some new books.
Visit the spa. If money is an issue, get some new DIY manis and pedis in colors you may not usually try.
If you can, treat yourself to something nice.It doesn't have to be expensive. Looking good makes you feel better.
Fall in love with ShellDoll - find out what makes you tick, what your passion is.
Try cooking new recipes.
Plant a garden or at least get a plant you can water.
Use your best dinnerware and glassware. Just because. Set a pretty table.
Volunteer to help others or join a service group.
Exercise - this has really helped me to get the body and strength I want and to feel good. Working out is a great way to meet others and have positive interacions.
Pray, meditate or do whatever it is that causes you to get centered. Feed the inner ShellDoll.
Confront your issues and then detach.
Just a few suggestions. You may already be trying some of these. It WILL come. It always does. It is a journey of self discovery and in a way we are "fortunate" that we will get to know our real selves in a way that many people never may.
I have been DARK since talking with my H last Sunday (7/18). He emailed Tuesday and I did not respond. I feel like there is really nothing happening with my sitch because he is deployed and not much I can do but go to my job everyday. I have not charged my cell phone since last weekend. No one has called me at home or at work.
I am feeling quite lonely. A neighbor knocked on my door this morning. He offered support because he knows my H is deployed...I don't know, it felt like he knew that my H has been away for months and it is not just due to his deployment status. Or maybe I am just too sensitive.
Planning to do yard work later and then heading out to hit some balls at the driving range...
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
Not sure what I need today. I am so detached, that I haven't spoken to anyone (other than my neighbor who knocked on my door yesterday and my work colleagues). I have not charged my cell phone or answered any calls from anyone. I am spending time by myself for myself.
Not even sure if my H has emailed or not. I am very lonely, but I also feel like a bother to the few friends I do have because they all have significant others in their lives and I don't want to be the third wheel. So I keep to myself.
Went shopping today and had a great workout. I forgot how much I love music!! Albeit old music (70's), but good music. How is everyone else?
Last edited by ShellDoll; 07/25/1009:16 PM.
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
I also feel lonely as well. To be honest my mom hates to see me in pain and she thinks that my dh is treating my kids and I like doormats. The few friends that I do still have think I'm crazy for holding on to something that he doesn't want.
Glad you had a great workout and listening to music seems to calm me as well.
I guess we both just have to take it one day at a time. It will get better soon I hope!
