"I learned after the second time that W has the expectation that if we had sex it were to be unprotected"
Did she actually tell you that? If so, then since you had that convo with her about you feeling uncomfortable at starting a family until you're on better footing, she should understand.
"I am not quite sure how I am contradicting myself..."
It's the word "affirmation" is the issue. You are looking for some kind of affirmation from her - maybe not ILY but actions - to show that she is dedicated to working things out in some way. That goes back to your previous controlling nature. You have to let it go and let her move according to her timetable not yours.
Now if you're uncomfortable with certain things, then say so, but keep your answers short and to the point. You're still in that analysis phase of wondering why she's doing what she's doing. That's fine to a certain extent but overthinking is what gets you into trouble when you communicate too much.
Things go much better when you just go with the flow. Keep that up. There are so many positives in your sitch but sometimes it seems like you don't appreciate them. Take things one step at a time.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
W got up for work this morning, I was already up. W was leaving for work and as she walked out the door leaned back and turned her head/cheek toward me so I could give her a kiss.
W went to work and I went to bed. W came home from work, when she walked in the door I greeted W and she said "hey" in a low mopey tone.
Yesterday W and I agreed to go out and look for a new washer and dryer. We have yet to purchase either since we purchased our home back in Nov. I said to W "I'm going to go grab something to eat then get ready and we'll head out" W replied "If you want" and so I said "If not I can go myself" W said nothing in return. In the end we chose not to go.
W asked me to hand her the book she purchased yesterday on pregnancy. W started to read the book and shared snippets with me. At one point W passed the book over to me and I educated myself on a a few things. W then fell to sleep.
A little while later W woke up. I told W about interesting things I had read in the book. W then read some of the sections I did and we had some conversation about the topic. This led W to go on webMD and look a an ovulation calendar.
The calendar had broke down my W's cycle and gave her suggested dates where she would be most fertile to increase her chances of getting pregnant. The 21-24 were her best days. W had it in her head that we were going to try on those days. So I said to W "I really do want to start a family with you but I think it is best for now that we use protection." W said "what did you just say?" I repeated "We use use protection" and so W proceeded to hop out of bed and storm out the room.
I went downstairs W came down shortly after, W still very upset. I said "I am not saying that I don't want to start a family with you but as the book outlined there are steps that you need to take to prepare yourself for a pregnancy" I said this to W because she is a vegetarian and eats absolutely no form of meat. The book has information on how to supplement the body for the lack of vitamins ect...I then said "I think it would be best and I would feel more comfortable if we planned for sometime after the fall" W said "Fine we just won't do anything then" I left it at that.
W decided to sit on the back deck and do some planning for our trip, I went out there and joined in. We planned out all the destinations we wanted to visit and on what days. W wanted to go tanning and asked if I wanted to join. Yes, I went tanning. Working nights you don't see the sun as often and I tend to get really pale.
I the way I reminded myself that the spot for the retrouvaille still had to be reserved. I said to W "I still have to reserve the spot for retrouvaille weekend, they just need to speak with you and ask a few questions" W said "OK" then I said "it maybe too late to call now" W said "Yeah, I would feel more comfortable calling during early afternoon tomorrow." I replied "Sounds good, we'll call early afternoon tomorrow"
After we got home W watched a little TV and check her email and started to read ore of her book. W showed me a couple sections she thought were interesting. Soon after W called it a night and went to bed.
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Just thoughts I have and I am only venting here so bare with me
How can W want to have intercourse with the intentions of getting pregnant when beyond that there is not intimacy? and very little affection.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
I would have got my sex and used the pull-out method, LOL. I really believe that would have opened up you guys connection, even though it appears to be opening now.
On a responsibility level, you did the right thing.
The effectiveness of the pull-out method is inversely proportional to the importance of avoiding pregnancy. . . . I can't prove this mathematically, but who wants to test it?
I would have got my sex and used the pull-out method, LOL. I really believe that would have opened up you guys connection, even though it appears to be opening now.
when beyond that there is not intimacy? and very little affection.
To help understand your situation, intimacy and affection, have these always been a great "need" of yours within your relationship? And has the apparent lack of always been a concern to you? Or have you begun "feeling" this way since the talk of separation and the affair you assumed your wife to be carrying on?
I think it’s fishy to debate another man/couples procreation, yet, I would like to ask regarding this:
Quote:
I went downstairs W came down shortly after, W still very upset. I said "I am not saying that I don't want to start a family with you but as the book outlined there are steps that you need to take to prepare yourself for a pregnancy" I said this to W because she is a vegetarian and eats absolutely no form of meat. The book has information on how to supplement the body for the lack of vitamins ect...I then said "I think it would be best and I would feel more comfortable if we planned for sometime after the fall" W said "Fine we just won't do anything then" I left it at that.
Do you always beat around the bush about what you want and the way you feel?
Vegetarianism as an excuse not to get pregnant? give me a break. Have you ever considered you may find intimacy with your woman by sharing your concerns and desires with her honestly?
