One of the things I've come to remember is that there is no guarantee no matter how committed and how much you work on stuff you do (or wish to have a different outcome). "Jumping ship, " as it were, provides no guarantees either.
Sadder still is when you know how you'd like your relationship/marriage to look and work and can express it only to have that view/ideal stood on it's head. Settling for some level of friendship, in the absence of a degree of certainty about a deeply intimate relationship, can often be tolerable in a no-win scenario.
The Captain
Last sex: 04/06/1997 Last attempt: 11/11/1997 W Issues "No Means No" Declaration: 11/11/1997 W chooses to terminate sex 05/1998 I gained 60, then lost 85 pounds. Start running again (marathons)
There are never any guarantees. There are no deals with the universe. There are opportunities and nothing more, ever. Staying is an opportunity to keep working with that one person, and also an opportunity to play it safe and possibly keep the parts of the marriage that make you happy. Leaving is an opportunity to find a better way.
Let's see how you feel after 13 years and 5 months (to the day) w/o sex and you are 57 or 58 years old and there are fewer days in front of you than behind you. When people are playing with an adult experience that is far longer than yours, some can be easily amused at your youthful view....
Last sex: 04/06/1997 Last attempt: 11/11/1997 W Issues "No Means No" Declaration: 11/11/1997 W chooses to terminate sex 05/1998 I gained 60, then lost 85 pounds. Start running again (marathons)
Sadder still is when you know how you'd like your relationship/marriage to look and work and can express it only to have that view/ideal stood on it's head. Settling for some level of friendship, in the absence of a degree of certainty about a deeply intimate relationship, can often be tolerable in a no-win scenario.
The Captain
Friendship!!?!
None of my friends ever threatened to call the cops on me for wanting a healthy sexual relationship with my wife.
Sadder still is when you know how you'd like your relationship/marriage to look and work and can express it only to have that view/ideal stood on it's head. Settling for some level of friendship, in the absence of a degree of certainty about a deeply intimate relationship, can often be tolerable in a no-win scenario.
The Captain
Friendship!!?!
None of my friends ever threatened to call the cops on me for wanting a healthy sexual relationship with my wife.
That woman is NO friend of yours.
SpinFree
And sometimes its as simple as this, through the betrayal and de-prioritazion of you and the mariage - they become no friend of you. Some of them make themself into your nemisis.
Actual friendship would allow for recovery of these bad situations, and I don't think many of us would be forced to be stuck in the "no-win" position of a forced sexless marriage. A good friend will accomidate to a limit, because they know you would do the same for them.
One of those guarantees is called "death." The Captain
Last sex: 04/06/1997 Last attempt: 11/11/1997 W Issues "No Means No" Declaration: 11/11/1997 W chooses to terminate sex 05/1998 I gained 60, then lost 85 pounds. Start running again (marathons)
Nobody can "force" another person to do something (unless actual torturing is involved). Anyone to chooses to stay in a particular situation needs to own his choice not to act differently.
Nobody can "force" another person to do something (unless actual torturing is involved). Anyone to chooses to stay in a particular situation needs to own his choice not to act differently.
Oops! Truth ends threads. Internet threads are based on arguing with people.
