when beyond that there is not intimacy? and very little affection.
To help understand your situation, intimacy and affection, have these always been a great "need" of yours within your relationship? And has the apparent lack of always been a concern to you? Or have you begun "feeling" this way since the talk of separation and the affair you assumed your wife to be carrying on?
I think it’s fishy to debate another man/couples procreation, yet, I would like to ask regarding this:
Quote:
I went downstairs W came down shortly after, W still very upset. I said "I am not saying that I don't want to start a family with you but as the book outlined there are steps that you need to take to prepare yourself for a pregnancy" I said this to W because she is a vegetarian and eats absolutely no form of meat. The book has information on how to supplement the body for the lack of vitamins ect...I then said "I think it would be best and I would feel more comfortable if we planned for sometime after the fall" W said "Fine we just won't do anything then" I left it at that.
Do you always beat around the bush about what you want and the way you feel?
Vegetarianism as an excuse not to get pregnant? give me a break. Have you ever considered you may find intimacy with your woman by sharing your concerns and desires with her honestly?
Intimacy and affection has always been a staple of our R. I would go as far to say maybe we were too intimate and sex became almost a routine and had lost it's emotional baring. Complete 180 from what it is now. I can only imagine that W may feel as if that is all I ever thought she was good for (thinking back she may have said this a time or two). This maybe why she is so withdrawn when it comes to being intimate.
There are two reasons why I think now is not a great time to conceive a child with my W. 1. The current state of our R/M and 2. Her health. I am not saying Vegetarianism as an excuse not to become pregnant but is a contributor to her overall health. Too much soy, not enough vitamins, calcium, zinc and protein, we have an entire book on it.
Originally Posted By: DaddyLongShanks
PuppyDogTails,
If she know he's using protection she's not going to want him in there.
Exactly.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
PDT's right. She feels the "void" and wants to fill it with the baby, thinking that everything is going to work itself out when she has a child.
Big no-no. All she's going to do is move further away from you. This happens even in the best of marriages and it's 10 times harder to maintain that closeness with your spouse.
She's going to have to respect your thoughts on this matter.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I think the test will be if for the next time they're intimate, she doesn't make a big deal about him using a condom. Or that she initiates intimacy just for intimacy sake. The reading up on pregnancies so soon after she said she would "try" to reconcile is a little disturbing.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
To me it's an emotional bond. I am speaking in general not relating or applying to our current sitch. I will have to think about the things I consider 'intimate' and get back to you.
I agree that part of the reason my W wants to have a child is to fill a void. I believe the void comes from our past. The terrible things I said and my outlook on starting a family then compared the the new outlook I have today. My W has told me quite a few times that "I'm not stupid and have sense enough to know that it is not right to bring a child into an unstable relationship."
I will say this. I have spoke with a good friend of mine. He has an 18mo. and his W is currently 4mo. pregnant with their second child. I've been venting our sitch to him since the start, he has not provided me with any advice but rather an outlet to get away at times. I told him about this whole pregnancy thing and he told me with sincerity that before he and his W had their first child he thought they were heading for divorce. That all they did was argue fight and they just did not seem compatible anymore. Once his W became pregnant and later on gave birth to their son he claims that they're R did a 180 and they have never been as close.
Moving on... TODAY
W got up and got ready for work this morning. I was sleeping I had court in the AM. W said she was running late and asked if I could help prepare her lunch. I gladly did so. W prepared to walk out the door and said to me...
"Don't forget to call the bank today and when your at court stop by the credit union and see if you can sign up and add me to it. Also can you see what it would take to be added onto your insurance" I told W that I would look into it all W then proceeded to give me a hug and kissed me twice. W left for work
I woke up in the AM to get ready for court. W txt me on her lunch break and so a good exchange of txt messages began of just random things that made each other laugh. W's last txt was "I have to get going, break is over, see you when I get home"
I left for court. After court I went to bank, mobile store, back to court, personal business then credit union. I did not return home until about 2-3 hours after W was already home from work. W was sleeping when I did get ho me so I did not bother her at all. I ate and cleaned the house. Couple hours later I go in bedroom W wakes up and asked how long I had been home for I told W "couple hours" she replied "wow what did you do all that time" and I told her about cooking and cleaning and W asked if any food was left over, there was and so I got her a plate.
W and I then talked about our days and what I had got done in all the time I was gone. We then spoke about hotel reservations for our trip.
I called retrouvaille organizer and allowed W to speak with the women so she can survey W and get things finalized. W spoke with women in private. When the call ended W told me a little of what was said/asked (without me asking, I was just going to let it be). W said the women told her "There is 6 sessions after the initial weekend that I hope you can attended because they are extremely beneficial" I then said to W "I think so as well, should be a great time and will get to learn so much" and W replied with a disinterested "yeah."
W and I then decided to sit in the hot tub for a little bit. After a while we got out and went back upstairs to change. W and I became intimate and we began to ML. I told W I had to grab a condom but she said no. I told W I am not comfortable having unprotected sex at this time, W then got very upset and ended all physical contact. I stopped beating around the bush and told W "I do not feel comfortable having unprotected sex at this time. Know that I would love to start a family with you but I don't think right now is the best time"
W gave me the silent treatment and then mumbled out "whatever, it does not matter anymore." I then took it to a level maybe I should not had but did...I said "2 weeks ago you wanted nothing to do with me and today you want to conceive a child? I do not agree with bringing a child into an unstable M" W replied "Do you think that I want to? You think I want to put myself through hell and live in misery? I'm not doing this because I think it would make things better." I replied "I don't. To be honest I do not know what you think"
W carried on with her fit getting very upset and throwing some of the 10 years back in my face. W then said "I told you that we will take the steps necessary. I planned around the weekend in September so we can attend the marriage thing, you think I did this because I just want to waste time and my life away?" I replied "No, I feel that the steps should be taken first and then we can conceive a child not the other way around"
Realizing I was only escalating the matter and her logic and my logic on the pregnancy topic were far from the I just stopped.
After some calming time W then told me she received an email from retrouvaille to complete registration. W said she would still attend. This initiated a R talk that cleared the air on many issues (will need to recall the conversation).
After we were calm and civil.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
OIN have the unprotected sex, just pull out when it's time or "be there just for her" ;-)
- stop making this an issue, have the sex, the wife wants to be close to you, I'm assuming you've had sex enough times that you can "control" your part in this process, if not, here's your perfect opportunity to get some practice in
