I think you really hit it on the head with your second option re "would you rather I said...." to IMP's first post.
I don't necessarily agree that the pissing and moaning must stop (yeah TRY that!) but it IS good to take some action on the stuff that just seems to keep recycling itself.
Quote: Just so's you don't feel like the only pisser and moaner around here....
At least YOUR H GETS horny!
Shiny
just not as often as I'd like! makes me wonder...and I don't like to wonder...well I do like to wonder but it's never productive and usually gets me doing things I shouldn't be doing!
LL, Thanks for putting down in words pretty much how I feel too. I can''t seem to let go and trust. I think this is a direct result of how is is acting. Some people would say, "great, he's says ILY, you see him almost everyday, you have great sex, he's a good Father!" It's the other stuff-the way he looks at me, or doesn't look at me, the way he is not in a hurry to see me-all the little things that are too hard to put into words that makes me wonder. Problem is he goes back and forth too much. He'll be moving right along and I think WOW, this is it! He's really back! Then his whole demeanor will change. I don't know about you LL, but I've been doing this dance for 2 yrs now,and I'm getting pretty tired of it. I will hang in there-I think we have a fighting chance (if OW is indeed out of the picture like he says) I told him though-I won't wait forever. I'm up and down all the time too LL, so I totally understand where you are with this. I think we can help each other because our sitch. sound so similar. All I want is to be loved, and to be able to trust my H. Period. Rachael
I too have been at this for almost 2 yrs. I am at the end of my rope too. I had a bad spell this week and was ready to throw in the towel. Right now I am just trying to get thru the holidays.
Do the exercise on the detatching thread. It really helps. My H is not trustworthy. I have trusted him over and over again to only be told more lies. The truth is all his lies or most of them center around his time spent with his female friend/boss. In the past I was very controlling and judgemental about their R and never held back telling my H.
So now H does not want to tell me anything that involves her name so he lies. H is still selfish and wants to do whatever he wants and does not want me telling him he can't do something. Conflict avoider that he is.
If I was more detatched I would be saying: H does not trust me enough yet that I will not be judgemental and controlling when he tells me something I may not agree with. H is not intentionally hurting me, he is just trying to do the best he can. I just need to show him my unconditional love and support. I will trust him even if he has shown me he is not trustworthy. I am in control of how I think and feel. nik
Are you and I leading parallel lives or what! I was just about to post a really pissy long rant about what an a$$hole my H is and how I'm not sure if I can carry on with this R anymore, then I catch up with your thread and think - hey LL is living my life what's with this?
Soooo... I am so grateful to you for finally hauling out that 2X4 cause you managed to clunk me on the head on the backswing!
I really am starting to realise that we have to live our OWN lives as happy as we can, not buy in to the fairytale romance crap that once you have the white dress and the ring you will be happy ever after etc etc blah blah. These men of ours are bill-paying roommates at the moment and who hasn't fallen out with a roommate at some time or other, who didn't have huge rows with parents/siblings etc. Living under the same roof with someone and sharing life is going to be tough it is not going to be all fun and sunshine NO MATTER WHAT. That's just life, and life is what WE make it not what some other bugger is up to.
This is MY life, I am going to be the one to make it fun, I am not going to rely on anyone else to do that, I am not going to piss and moan about anyone else's behaviour or try to point out to anyone else how they should be leading their life. My only promise to myself is not to be sexually unfaithful to my lawfully wedded H (but that is a private promise just for me).
Take care LL and thanks again for that 2X4
cheers
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
ok, so today I'm going to try to stay away from negative thinking about my h and the r...
but first I'll just put this out there as it's something that always seems to bug me...yes it's football...doesn't matter how tired or busy h is..he always finds the time for his football...as a season ticket holder he's got txts to this afternoons (4:15) game...he's been out plowing since yesterday morning (came home briefly from 7-11) I would have thought he'd be either 1. too tired to go to the game or 2. still too busy plowing to go to the game...however...as of last night his intentions were to have an employee take care of his route so he could go to the game??? huh? too tired to give a little lovin to your w? too tired to stay awake and spend some qt with your w..but not to tired or busy to drive 2 hours to sit in a parking lot and then sit in a staduim watching a bunch of guys in tight pants run around after a ball? huh?
ok back to positives...
I was totally wiped out at the end of the day yesterday...kids woke at 5am (h left shortly there after to start plowing) spent a few hours between naps and meals outside playing and shoveling...by 8 I was falling asleep on the couch...by 9:30 I went up to bed..
what are the positives???
h asked son not to climb on me as I lay on the couch when I finally did go up to bed h came to make sure I was ok..kissed my cheek and I do believe patted my behind (too bad he didn't try for more) before leaving h said ily
there's about a foot of snow outside right now and it is still snowing.
Quote: but first I'll just put this out there as it's something that always seems to bug me...yes it's football...doesn't matter how tired or busy h is..he always finds the time for his football...as a season ticket holder he's got txts to this afternoons (4:15) game...he's been out plowing since yesterday morning (came home briefly from 7-11) I would have thought he'd be either 1. too tired to go to the game or 2. still too busy plowing to go to the game...however...as of last night his intentions were to have an employee take care of his route so he could go to the game??? huh? too tired to give a little lovin to your w? too tired to stay awake and spend some qt with your w..but not to tired or busy to drive 2 hours to sit in a parking lot and then sit in a staduim watching a bunch of guys in tight pants run around after a ball? huh?
First off, have you asked H what it is about football that he likes, how it makes him feel..just wondering.
Would you rather he be a football player? Can you imagine what those wives have to live with every day of their lives? How they have to attend the games with all the other wives and can you imagine the competition, the gossip, the cattiness. Your H has his one day a week for football and the season is coming to a close. For the players it's their lives, I'm sure they are gone a lot more than H is and if they have children, the responsibility of the children more than likely is on the shoulders of the wives!
Isn't it lot easier to deal with football as the OW? Oh I know you don't want either, but you might have to accept it and get going girl!!! There's lots to do out there besides shovel.
points well taken! facts are that I don't really mind h's interest in football (he's got a closet and man's room full of "his" teams paraphanalia purchased mostly by me to prove it) or work. What I do however mind is the fact that those things are always important, first, worth the effort, worth the energy, worth staying awake for.
I'm not sitting here pouting about it believe me...I'm just saying that it seems like we come third..and that would make me come kinda last in h's mind. in the end does it matter?
proof that I haven't pouted about it at all...
h has called at least 4 times today including a call in the middle of this post...just to say hello and let me know where they are and what is going on.
don't know when he'll be home...if he has more plowing to do after the game or if he's comming right home..don't plan to wait to find out..plan to find something good on tv, light a fire, open a bottle of wine (the light stuff) and maybe make myself some spinach & artichoke dip..put the kids to bed early and relax.
