It's time for a new thread in a new forum! I couldn't decide where to post. However, seeing some changes in H lately made me think MLC was the most appropriate.
Tomorrow is D's birthday. H is coming here for dinner. He sent a message to ask if he should organise a cake. I had something sorted but I decided to take up his offer.
I have been on a massive rollercoaster over the last years but there seems to be something different now. I'm just quietly sitting back and observing the changes.
Welcome to the board. I have not read your previous thread yet but maybe later today. Have you read the MLC resources yet? I can ask my friend "cadet" to post them on your thread if you need them. It seems that you have been around a while so I would assume that you have read most of these things. Keep posting and learning.
Could you let us know what seems different now? Is there still an ow present? How has your H changed through this process? How have you changed?
Hi Seeking, I have been posting for quite a while now but I had a long break when I was having no contact with H which was until recently. There is an OW. It was during the N/C that H seemed to increase the time spent with her, including a holiday. We resumed contact in June when we had a family dinner for S's birthday. As far as I am aware OW still exists but she doesn't seem to be playing much of a role in his life.
Changes.....there's no aggression anymore, there are friendly, joking texts, there's eye contact, voluntary sharing of information (eg about a job offer), conversation is increasingly two sided (before I asked and he answered), resuming of manners-carrying bags etc, offers to help, more transparency-says I can't because.......
My changes......more accepting that this is a LONG journey, not pursuing (of which I was the queen!!) and letting him suggest and initiate. Now have no expectations. Now say what I think rather than bottling issues and building resentment.
Tonight we discussed how we would handle future arguments and we have a simple 'time out' plan in place.
There's probably more and I'll add to the list as I go.
HI Lance......always reading and learning. Thanks for the suggestion of the MLC resources....I've actually read them numerous times. This is a very interesting process!
Found you lurking over here just wanted to say hi and (()))..
Interesting things your H seems to be changing definitely a wait and see job eh?
Things going well over here, six months into piecing and we are doing ok, just getting to the rocky patch were H is having to hear some of the crappy things he did but hes doing ok with it, although Im being gentle with him lol!
Will try an keep up
xx
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Ok Cas just read through you sich pretty quickly from newcomers. It took 6 hours. It was 87 pages! LOL.
First bit of advice is that MWD rules on the board is after you get to 10 pages to start a new thread. The board mechanics work better if no one has huge threads. So we try to be self regulating about that.
You should put a link on your sich in newcomers to help people find this thread here. And when this one is done link this one to your next thread and vice versa. This really helps when you are re-reading later down the line.
I see your daughter is a swimmer. I will just say for now that I really like that. Does she swim year round or just for recreation?
As far as your sich goes there is a huge gap between Jan - July of this year and now your H seems to be starting to reconnect. There is still an OW so he is still in replay. However we will have to watch, wait and see. Patience is the name of the game here. So pull up your chair, get some popcorn and we can all watch together.
Keep posting, asking questions. The only bad question is the one you don't ask.
I used to follow your thread last fall and early winter. Glad to hear that your H is making movement toward reconnecting. Welcome to the MLC neighborhood! Please feel free to share your thoughts and feelings here. There are a lot of very insightful people here who can give you new perspectives on your situation.
