Yes, I did and you really took the bull by the horns. lol.I am impressed!
I tried the sexy lingerie the other night- lit a candle, was in bed reading when H arrived home from a meeting. H came into the room and looked at me, but clearly wasn't interested.I tried, (I was too obvious, I know.NB said candle was too much, she's right), to get him to watch TV in bed, but he said no, he'd watch with me in living room.
Tonight I wore sexy lingerie, sat in living room reading and H came into room.I noticed he looked at me, but that is all.
H walks a wide berth around me-acts like I am toxic,and that if he accidently brushed against me, he'd melt or something. lol
You are right, a password isn't enough. I am spending alot of time on PC. I am sure H notices.
I too, won't ever feel right about moving- we just need to be strong.
So true..our mental and physical health suffers during a crisis like this.I feel so tired all the time now.
No worries..I will get the files copied! I am being very very careful with any financial issues.I won't be agreeable to anything I feel is unfair.I can tell H resents he has to give me money, sarcasm creeps in sometimes.
Susan - it sounds like you are getting a reaction, maybe not the one you were hoping for, but it's good that he's noticing.
I agree with others that H is a man first and engineer second. Keep being nice, dressing sexy and behaving how you would like to be in a happy R. You will make in roads. Too little too late (as my H was fond of saying)? You can't control your H, but you can put your best self forward and know, whichever fork in the road you end up taking, you did your best.
As for the movie, DR says accepts some invitations but not all, so I think you are doing fine. Maybe you could invite him now to one of his favorite places? I think that was the night my H and I first had sx. We went to his favorite italian restaurant and I plied him with sangria.
He: WAH Me: LBW Precious: DD
~ I'm grateful for every day I have to improve the way I relate.
Yes, H is a man first. A very self controlled and unemotional one. he's hurting, I know that. This isn't all about me, I also know that.
We talked this morning about things. Didn't discuss our R, but talked about Alpha dog issues. I cried a bit, I am overtired as I never slept last night. H said he cries too, just not where anyone can see.
Your suggestion about inviting H to his favorite place sounds good. I'll try that.
No, things are going as H planned. H told me yesterday he was thinking if there was any other way out of this M mess, but he still felt that legally separating is best plan.H said too many hurts and he cannot remember any good times. I said a few things, which I shouldn't have, fell into R talk trap. I said maybe a new M is possible. Made H mad.
H has drafted a legal separation agreement. H will take it to a lawyer. He said that I should take it to a lawyer first, but I told him since he initiated the separation, he should have a lawyer review first. I knew it was coming, but it's very very sad. I had hoped H would change his mind. I have to be out of H's home no later than Dec 1st, 2010. I am trying to cope. it's very hard.
My W talked about a legal S once. I filled for D instead. Now she is talking legal S again. If I am not mistaken, a legal S is less than a full D. So now what I hated to hear ( a legal S) sounds pretty good. I'm not backing down. I've told W that my L is trying to speed up the D so she can be on her way. She looked concerned. But that is just mind reading. If your going to let them go then do it with a bang.
No more R talks. Help them with what they want...to get out. Even if it's not what you want it's the only way that has a chance of success.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
I like your spunk! Sounds like you are coping well, good for you!
Yes, a legal sep is less than a divorce, but it's a pathway to the big D. Makes it all easier if one spouse decides down the road to pursue D. My H is doing leg sep so I can stay on his insurance, (his idea, not mine, H said we could do the D if I "want"), as I recently lost my job in April. A leg sep splits all assets, just like a D, but still married.
I agree, enough is enough. If they want out of the M, so be it. It seems to be the only way for them to fully understand what they want. 60% of WAS's regret their decisions, did you know that? My DB coach told me that. Amazing...
H owns the house to I will be the one "getting out". The get out date is Dec 1.
There is nothing to stop your H from filing. I did not like that feeling of always wanting to know when a sheriff was going to knock at my door and hand me papers.
I took back control when I filed.
Just because your H suggested it doesn't mean it's right for you. Go get a job and get your own insurance. You are going to need both no matter what happens to the M.
A legal S is half in and half out. Sounds too much like limbo to me. It's different for each of us. I needed for my spouse to take a crap or get off the pot. You can only live in limbo land for so long and my tolerance was only 4 weeks!!! Some do it for years. No way for me.
It's not the % that is important about WAS' regretting their decision. It's more important when they regret it. If they regretted it soon enough we wouldn't be in this sitch. I think most regret it far too late and too much water has passed under the bridge.
Plan early and plan often for the 1 Dec date. Any job is better than no job.
I wish you all the luck in the world!
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
I know, H could file for a D at any time, and so could I during leg sep. There is somewhat of a limbo sitch in a leg sep, but maybe, in my case, that's what H and I need. I don't have that answer. If I did, I'd hire myself out as a counselor. I feel all will be more clear once I don't see H on a daily basis anymore.
After I see a lawyer and discuss the leg sep doc with her, I may change course regarding what is pursued. I don't know and I am not making any hasty decisions. H may be wishing to stay leg married for tax purposes or for some other reason that I don't yet know about.H told me it was because I don't have a job/med insurance. I don't know what the truth is and until I take the final doc to my lawyer, I won't know what the "real" deal is.
You are right, if the WAS's could "regret" sooner before lives were broken apart, then we all wouldn't be here! But we are and we will be okay, no matter what.
