tired of this

[LRT Land]

Goodman - I wanted to let you know reading your words made me tense up as I could feel your anger and frustration coming through in your post, and I wasn't sitting right next to you! You are always telling me to "let it go." I'm turning that one back on you. Forget the past garbage. Focus on today. Be the type of H you want to be in this R today. Don't let her push your buttons - that has gotten you nowhere.

Yeah - she seems conflicted - but we don't know why. We aren't going to mind read. YOU are going to be the kind of guy you want to be in ANY relationship. That's how you find out if this is the right relationship for you.

[A_goodman]

Touché LRT. Not being flippant either.

I appreciate your words a lot. Thank you for the reminder. I know sometimes this stuff is easy to see when your looking at it, but might be the hardest thing in the world in the moment. I am dedicated to see it through though. It makes it easier to know you guys are out there and will always be honest and supportive.

At least I know that I didn't lose it altogether. But it does create some emotions that are less than pleasant.

((()))

[DanF]

Hang in there AG, I think you are doing pretty well for w newbie. Just try to stay calm. I know it is hard to do, because I don't always do it either.

Anyway, I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I just want you to know that I am following along and am here for you.

Thanks for all your support over the last few days. I really meant a lot to me.

[DanF]

WOW AG,

R2C put you on the quote board. You must be getting closer to Jedi status! I wish I was so insightful!!!

Nice work buddy. I guess I'll have to pay closer attention to what you say from now on you young sage....I'm proud of you!

[A_goodman]

Really? I'll have to go check that out. I'm sure whatever pearl of wisdom I had was an accident. The sun even shines on a dog's butt sometimes.

Thanks for the heads up.

[A_goodman]

Need to sleep. Fishing w/ Cub Scouts @ 0600 followed by a 7 hr drive to Austin. Totally worn out and wired at the same time.

W was out of control tonight. We had a tight schedule and everything seemed to go wrong. She got more and more agitated as the night disintergrated into chaos. I used the force and was able to laugh at the situation and kept encouraging her to relax. It would be alright. She was losing it and I was totally chilled out. I kept coming up with solutions that she swore would never work. My answer? "well they certainly won't work if we don't try".

Mind you, none of it was R related. It was so easy to be calm and reasuring. I am getting stronger.

Later, she broke down. All the venom was gone. She just seemed broken. I put my arm around her and let her go. I just sat there and let her go for a long time. When I finally spoke, told her I was worried about her health. That all this emotion she's bottling up is going to start affecting her physically if she doesn't find an outlet. Told her whatever happens, she needs to stay healthy for the kids. After she pulled herself together, I went shopping for fishing supplies W/ S.

Not sure what's going on in there. I hope it's a fight between the fog and the forces of good, but I really have no clue, and don't have an interest in spending much effort to figure it out. Whatever it is will play out in it's own way.

Me? I'm going fishing.

G'night all.

[DanF]

Sweet AG. What are you guys fishing for? I'm taking the kids for a week. I will fish for bass and they will fish for bluegills. I can't wait. It is going to be a good week.

Have a great trip. I need to sack out too!

[A_goodman]

Dan,

I really don't get to fish much at this thing. I blew the first horn at 0700 and the boys fished untill I blew the horn at 0830. In the mean time I was busy untangling line, baiting hooks, giving pointers on how to cast and taking attendance. I think I actually cast my own line twice and fished for about two minutes. My son struck out again. So far, in the three years we've held this tourney, neither of my boys has landed a fish. They still had fun.

S12 who's in Boy Scouts now came out and lost interest in 20 minutes. He speant the restof the the time trying to catch Shad with a styrofoam cup. S9, who's going to be the real fisherman, thought big brother was cool and tried to do the same when it was over. He ended up falling in the lake. It was kinda funny. He didn't know that I had a prize for the first one to fall in. Haven't awarded it before, but I knew it was only a matter of time. So no trophy, but he still got something. He was happy.

We had one kid catch 10 bluegill and another caught 6. All in all, we had about 25 kids on the lake and probably caught that many fish. I think they were alll bluegill.

I did buy dome treble hooks and power bait, but the kids switched yo worms after they saw the others start landing fish.

I'm in TX and having a good time. It's hot in Austin.

[A_goodman]

Heading home tomorrow. I'm a little nervous. W gave me a huge hug the morning we left. Might have been a continuation of the small turn she took the night before, but who knows it might have been joy to see me go. Haven't been dwelling on it. The kids are having a great time and I'm my old self. Crazy and fun and willing to fo whatever they want. It's been good.

Of the three times I've spoken to her, twice she called me. Slipped in a few "I miss you"s and an ILY. She left a long voicemail. She sounded tentative and almost pleading. Not sure what to make of it. She called my sister's phone before I called her back (~45 min later). We had a nice talk and I handed it off to the boys to wrap it up. Said she can't wait to see us all.

I'm certain she misses the boys. I hope she realizes this is what sharing custody will look like and that it is working on her psyche. But in the end, I have no illusions.

I guess I'm nervous bc I don't want to get excited if she is acting in a way that might seem encouraging. I've seen enough of my brethren out here fall victim to premature excitement or wishful thinking. A good thing about being in another state for a few days is it's kept me from making any mistakes. Or at the least examining everything to death to make sure I'm still on the right path.

Much to learn have I. Still.

Gonna wake up early and torch up a nice Hoyo de Monterey. You know, for clarity and focus

goodnight all.

[LRT Land]

Jedi - I mean Goodman - young master well learns.

Seriously, I think your head is in the right place. I think it's okay to be cautiously optomistic as long as you are prepared for any outcome, which you are.

You are strong and wiser, and maybe, just maybe, your W wants to try a leg on your train. Keep doing what you are doing - it seems to be having an effect.