Be prepared for some pullback from her now. She will test you to see if you are consistent - "see nothing has changed, you just like you always have been." She loves the fact you are camping and fishing with the boys, it's attractive to her. And yes she misses all of you. Be prepared.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Be prepared for some pullback from her now. She will test you to see if you are consistent - "see nothing has changed, you just like you always have been."
Battle armor, check. Extra magazines, check. Oakleys and gator straps tight, check. ( actually, I'm a wayfarer guy). Gunny Highway's motto running through my head, check.
Thanks for the warning. I wasnt sure what to expect, but I knew the apprehension was not unwarrented.
Ten minutes before reading all your posts, I feilded a call from W. The lull continues. She was sweet and excited about seeing us. Twice I triedto break it off and she kept me on the phone. We talked about logistics for the rental car and other small talk as well as about all we'd done this week and this upcoming wknd's trip to six flags. She's excited to see the boys and have us return.
It was a surreal conversation given what's happened since March. I have a healthy suspicion of the sureral and now also know what to look for. Thanks a lot guys. The best way to survive an ambush is to avoid getting ambushed.
Leaving for home in two hours.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
You guys were dead on. The expected pull back was masterful.
On the way home, She called me to see where we were. We chatted a bit and I told her I'd call at the state line with a better ETA.
I made that call and told her I expected we'd be home around 8:30. She called me around 7:45 and I told her we were on target. She says: "OH. I didn't expect you to make such good time. I wen't to the store to pick up some things. I'll try and make it home by then."
So we get home. No W. Ok, I start bringing in the stuff from the car. No W. Then I put everything away and start a load of clothes. No W. The whole time, the kids are asking "Where's Mommy?" After all that, I call her up because S12 wants to go trade in the movies we rented for the ride and be home before she shows. She said She was at Target and we'd have time to make it. OK.
So we went to Blockbuster and got the movies. She got home around 9:45. Kissed the boys and talked to them a while. I said Hey. She said Hey. I helped her put the stuff from Target away and went to the basement to ride the bike.
ahhhhh. Just like I never left.
Since then things have been cordial. I'm glad you guys warned me. And I'm glad that I felt hincky about everything. Maybe I'm starting to develop Ninja senses.
I'm sure she missed the boys, but not being there to greet us only hurts them. It's a stupid, paradoxical thing, this roller coaster. Now I have a wknd in close quarters with the pod that used to be my W ahead of me. I should have drank more beer last wknd.
Oh and she told me a funny story about something thqat happened while we were gone, but I have a meeting in 10 minutes.
Cheers
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
Since then things have been cordial. I'm glad you guys warned me. And I'm glad that I felt hincky about everything. Maybe I'm starting to develop Ninja senses.
I'm sure she missed the boys, but not being there to greet us only hurts them. It's a stupid, paradoxical thing, this roller coaster. Now I have a wknd in close quarters with the pod that used to be my W ahead of me. I should have drank more beer last wknd.
Cheers
Sorry, but this made me smile. I hope you're doing ok.
Not to rain on your parade A_goodman (and I can't remember all the details of your sitch) but is it possible that she was so late because she was possibly with OM? Just putting it out there because she knew when you were going to be back and yet she sure took her sweet time "shopping".
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
Thanks PH. Sometimes a sense of humor is all I've got.
OK, so on to the story.
W tells me yesterday that she had some excitement while I was gone. Apparently, Sunday night the fire detector on the alarm system malfunctioned and went off. It sent an alarm out to the fire and Police Depts. Only, she wasn't home. She was at her girlfriends house. So the alarm company calls the back-up # and wakes the inlaws up. They tried to reach W but couldn't so they got dressed and started the 25 minute drive to my house. In the mean time, W sees that they called and calls back. she tried, but couldn't wave them off. She was in no state to drive, so did the smart thing and got a cab.
By the time the In laws got there, the cops and firemen had gained entry and been all through the house looking for the fire. W rolls up in a cab at who knows what time in the morning to face her mom and step dad and turn off the alarm. (MIL couldn't get it turned off.)
Oh, the FD didn't see the stairway to the attic, so they busted through the old hatch in the ceiling of my closet. It was covered long ago by about 8 inches of cellulous (SP?) insulation. She spent an hour cleaning all the cellulouse out of my closet. She called in the next day. I guess it just doesn't pay to party on a school night. Karma's a Bitch.
Now, before anybody points it out, I am aware that those are two stories chock full of inconsistancies. I have no idea if she's telling the truth. About anything. I guess I've taken the "2b" approach. My letting go has been the one thing that has maintained my sanity in all this. If she's messing around or if it's just a bunch of partying, it really doesn't matter. I'm moving forward with or without her.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
I guess I took a long time typing that and got your reply out of order. It is a distinct possibility. I have no way of knowing. I ALMOST could care less. I really ought to become super slueth and figure it out, but I really want to focus on things that give me joy and help me grow. We can't fix this if it's there. I am unequivical about my unwillingness to live in an open R. She knows that. The trust has been shot for a long time. She knows that too. And she knows what it's going to take on her part to repair it. Thus far she's unwilling, and so thus far, there is no progress to be made. I am hanging in to see where MC will take us. Right now, I'm learning a lot about her motivations and about my REAL failings, so it is good. Eventually the MC wheel will swing back around to lines in the sand (Boundaries) and I will make my final stand. Part of that stand will be my requirement to know exactly what has been going on.
All in all, my M is broken whether she's being faithfull or not. To me there's not levels of broken. it's broken or it's not. I've let go completely. She is her own person and will be left free to enjoy whatever consequences are coming her way. hopefull, she chooses wisely.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
I hope I can do as well after our WEEK away! I'm sure I'll just get more of the same coldness. Doesn't really matter to me anymore. The we have to start dividing things up since I will be moving soon.
Keep smoking them stogies. I've had a bunch of Gurkha's and RP 1990's on my vacation. NICE!
