Today is lawyer day.H is wanting to keep everything all warm and fuzzy- and said this morning since I agreed to leg sep it means I AGREE with it (like it was both our ideas) and his guilt alleviates somewhat. My reply was-
I do not agree with leg sep, however the M is dead and you have stated you want out, I want you to be happy, so let's get it done.
I'll post more after the meeting.
NB and anyone else, if you have any advise for a sitch like mine (WAH pushing a leg sep) pls write me.
Today is lawyer day.H is wanting to keep everything all warm and fuzzy- and said this morning since I agreed to leg sep it means I AGREE with it (like it was both our ideas) and his guilt alleviates somewhat. My reply was-
I do not agree with leg sep, however the M is dead and you have stated you want out, I want you to be happy, so let's get it done.
S- how did it go? When do you have an appt. with your own L scheduled?
Quote:
I'll post more after the meeting.
NB and anyone else, if you have any advise for a sitch like mine (WAH pushing a leg sep) pls write me.
Thanks and Take Care~
The advice I got when I was still hanging on was to drag it out as long as possible. But starting to do that made him mad. However, telling him fine, I'll go along with it, made him less mad and he still- 6 months later- has not filed anything. Just interesting to note. If you post more on other people's threads- e.g., mine and others who've replied to you, you'll start getting more traffic, and also if you post more regularly like you were doing before. I can't type too much these days but am reading along here .
Hi Susan. Just wanted to stop in your thread and give you a hello. Sorry I haven't contributed more, but you are a sweet person and I wish you the best.
The lawyer appt went okay, was stressful for me. The lawyer we saw would act as an impartial lawyer. Does not take a side. This is where my own lawyer comes in-she reviews doc and lets me know if all is good for me. Until I have the leg sep document for my lawyer to review I can't make an appt. I will also make an appt with a CPA since H may wish to pay me a lump sum of his pension verses monthly payment. Might not be in MY best interest tax wise. So, for now just putting finishing touches on our asset list and furniture lists.
H has called a meeting for this morning so I need to so what is up with that.
I am keeping busy, doing the DB, GALing,etc.No doubt these are the hardest times I have even gone through.
H gave me papers this morning detailing 4 different scenarios for each component of the leg sep doc. H is all business as am I.
I will of course consult the proper experts before I sign anything.The leg doc may take longer to complete than H originally thought. Also court is backed up too.
One thing on H's list, is that he may "insist" I pay rent if I do not leave by the "get out of his home" date. I told him I wish to leave asap, but will not compromise my hip replacement (surgery next month) just because his daughter is coming end of Dec. H's daughter comes first-one of our many problems.
Anyway, daily life is odd for sure.But I know that soon this chapter in my life will be closing and I will have happy times again.
Everyone needs to stay calm, focused and poised at ALL times when discussing legal issues with their WAS.Believe me, they are looking for cracks in our demeanor. I notice my H watches me very closely- he makes it a point to act cold, aloof and nonchalant.
Wish I could say great! But not happening...Slowly getting better sounds more truthful. I fluctuate between angry and not giving a crap. I go 3-4 days without contact with W and then she texts me "Good Morning" or asks "How I'm doing" and "How are the dogs?". Just tiny expressions of her attempts to "care", but without wanting to be around me/see me at all. It's like being in prison and you receive a letter now and then. I'm hoping my feeling of "Not giving a crap" starts taking over more each day. I really grasp the "why" pursue someone when they don't even want to be around you or be a part of your life, I'm just having trouble on deciding if these texts she sends are a form of cake eating. Still struggle with the whole "Neglect" issue if I don't respond. Just overall, still screwed up but recovering. LOL
Originally Posted By: Susan1Survivor
Anyway, daily life is odd for sure.But I know that soon this chapter in my life will be closing and I will have happy times again.
That's a good attitude and I'm right there with you! Eventually every thing always get better. We just have to take it one day at a time and focus on what makes us happy, right.
Slowly getting better is a positive step towards getting 100% better.We have to start at the bottom and work our way out of the emotional hole we find ourselves in. I think you are doing great!
I understand the emotional roller coaster issue.I too, am mad one minute, then sad the next.
The texts from your W- in my layman's opinion, it's just a way of retaining control-to test, to see if you still "'care". I really believe ( I have seen it with my H) that some of the WAS are so screwed up that they get a kick out of the pain they are causing. Harsh and may be not true in some cases, but in mine it is. If our WAS's "cared" wouldn't we be together to work on the M? I believe alot of the texts and phone calls are driven by guilt. My H wanted me to say to everyone I agreed to leg sep to alleviate his guilt. I told him he owns that guilt.
DB and GAL is still important to do even after the D or in my case, legal sep is filed.We have to project happiness and let them see our lives didn't end with them walking away from the M.
It's one day at at time.My challenges are just beginning. The lawyers and documents and all that is just starting. H is covering all bases for his best interests. The "hatred" shows and it is sad.
You hang in there and do what your gut tells you about the texts from your W. Please don't let your emotions be toyed with. I plan to go dark once I move.
The texts from your W- in my layman's opinion, it's just a way of retaining control-to test, to see if you still "'care". I really believe ( I have seen it with my H) that some of the WAS are so screwed up that they get a kick out of the pain they are causing. Harsh and may be not true in some cases, but in mine it is. If our WAS's "cared" wouldn't we be together to work on the M? I believe alot of the texts and phone calls are driven by guilt. My H wanted me to say to everyone I agreed to leg sep to alleviate his guilt. I told him he owns that guilt.
Hiya Susan. I'm glad you are doing such a good job with how you are handling things. I'm no expert or anything, so I'm reluctant to give advice sometimes. Instead, I'll just give you praise and support that you're not alone : )
I agree with the testing, my gut tells me that. My gut also tells me I'm "handling" it correctly, but what my gut doesn't tell me is how to proceed any other way.
When I receive a text from my W first thing in the morning, that's when I know she's genuinely thinking of me...afterwork and it's the "gremlin". She's absolutely in a bad mood after work, so anything at that point is "Do not believe what you are seeing/hearing"
And yes if they "cared" enough they would come back to work on our M's.
Please just continue to vent here. I will try and respond more to support you as best I can.
I appreciate that. I am not one for giving much advice, (too new here), I really just want to pass along what is working for me and share some of my thoughts.
I am coping as best as I can under the circumstances. It is hard to really understand what motivates the WAS. I think you are handling things well.
We just need to nurture ourselves in any way we can, and consider the WAS as a second priority. It's all about US now.
Thanks for being there and just keep doing what works for you.
.