Another interesting thing I noticed about fear in MY working on myself, is that unlike NOW where we are trying to work TOWARD something (our M, our S, our family, our core selves, etc), fear in your life is a motivation AWAY FROM.
interesting.
sometimes fear is tied with self-confidence. when you have fear, you lack self-confidence. so it's best to minimize your fears.
fear causes you to do strange (and sometimes stupid) things.
side note: oh yeah .. whoever coined the term "melty man" .. good one. what's the opposite of "melty man"?
We live in a very complicated world compared to our ancestors of 1.5 million years ago. Some things change but what women find attractive in men, has not changed much. On a primal level, women are attracted to men for their superior survival and replication genes. Women want to insure offspring will have the best chance at survival. For it is through replication and survival that society can move forward.
Self Confidence – I feel this is one of the most important qualities to posses in life. Women are masters at reading body language. If you are not self confident your body language, will radiate your inner insecurities. You will not make a good first impression unless you are walking tall and negotiating social situations with confidence and poise.
Senses of humor – Ladies want to be around guys who are fun and adventurous. Being funny will leave a big impression on her. It also demonstrates you are comfortable with who you are and you are not afraid of a little self effacing humor.
Intelligence – Women find it very attractive when a man is an expert or knowledgeable in a particular field. Women enjoy talking about sociological and world issues and you will be ahead of the game if you can speak eloquently about a broad range of topics. Emotional intelligence is of particular importance. You must understand and be able to calibrate to someone’s emotional state in-order to communicate effectively.
Status – I believe women are hard wired through evolution; to be attracted to leaders and men in positions of power. These men would rank high because of the superior resources and ability to survive. Think back to high school, the quarterback and team captains usually had the pick of the females. These lads were early leaders and perceived to be of higher social value.
Style – Most guys fail here miserably. Guys have you ever thought about how meticulous women are about their appearance? They will go shopping for three hours for the perfect outfit and shoes. They will then spend 2.5 hours getting ready for a night out. So that is a total of 5.5 hours of preparation for one night out. Compare that to your 20 minute of preparation and I think you get the point. You should have at least a couple nice outfits that are clean and fit you well. You should stay up-to-date with the current styles by reading fashion magazines like GQ, Details and the like.
Exciting – Life tends to get monotonous at times. Women are drawn towards men who charismatic and exciting. Every person is unique and exciting. Find out what is unique about yourself and share your experiences with people. Surprise your lady! Tell her you are taking her away for the weekend but don’t tell her where. Of course, she will need some general packing instructions but the mystery will score big points for you. You are a man, be impulsive!!! Lastly, don’t be predictable.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
And, DfM, I was following your sitch as we were both going through hell simultaneously. When mine turned into a fire I lost touch with you.
it's funny. i look at the view count on my thread and it's quite high. i think it's nice that people read it. i try to write as eloquently as i can. i'm prone to a few grammatical errors every once in a while.
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Forgive me for bad memory but weren't you up in Canada around me someplace? That rings a bell somehow.
i try to keep certain things about me private. i don't talk about where i am geographically. all i can say is i'm in north america on the east coast. but calgary is a beautiful city. you're lucky you're so close to banff.
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Sorry to hear where the sitch is now but it's awesome that you have the right attitude about moving forward with your life.
at some point, you kinda have to move forward.
and i must say, i love this thread. although coach keeps posting things about what makes a great man. not enough info on what makes a great woman. i understand that guys are very visual but that's so subjective. what one guy thinks is attractive may not be attractive for someone else. and what about substance, intelligence, ..
i think you attract what you are. if you set the bar low for yourself, you will get exactly that. in other words, dress like a slob, have no manners and no goals, don't like to lead, and have no self-confidence? well .. that's what you'll attract.
THAT ^^^^^^^^^^is my target, THAT is much closer to where I was when I met W. Need to get back there sooner than later. The hard part is I "feel" she still sees me as the "recent, blob" I became in the last year of the M. So despite feeling good, when I meet with her I sense she is looking through me and seeing the weak me and then I come off that way. Vicious circle.
I appreciate the insight. I "know" this stuff. just gotta BE this way again. Where is that damn button to turn it back on again?
i love this thread. although coach keeps posting things about what makes a great man. not enough info on what makes a great woman. i understand that guys are very visual but that's so subjective. What one guy thinks is attractive may not be attractive for someone else. and what about substance, intelligence, ..
Well, though we are visual, the subjective value of the "substance" does affect our 'vision'. Intelligence, character, sense of humor, confidence (same chracteristics women look for) are a form of "beer goggles". And, when the substance values fade or fail, the goggles fail as well.
I really don't think we're THAT different. I think that we just prioritize based on evolution. Women tend to "feel" more so they look for the confidence that makes them "feel" safe and secure. Men tend to "see" more so we notice that first. But having our initial attention is pretty fleeting without the substance. IMO. Or my case, anyway.
Originally Posted By: DfM
i think you attract what you are. if you set the bar low for yourself, you will get exactly that. in other words, dress like a slob, have no manners and no goals, don't like to lead, and have no self-confidence? well .. that's what you'll attract.
I also think there is something to be said for "where" you are as well. A point in life; a certain requirement based on your position in life and/or priorities. these things shift a little and when two peoples "timelines" line up, we are susceptible to be attracted to that, as well.
I just like the option of directly chatting with a DB'er without having to be on the public board. And sometimes it's also nice to change the subject from the sitch to whatever and yet know the other person has a common experience with "this stuff"
what's the opposite of "melty man"?