We returned from our trip last night. We spent the week doing some very physically demanding work (demolishing cinder block basement walls in preparation for rebuilding new walls).
Things went very well until just before we returned home. I spent the week sleeping on brother-in-law's couch and wife slept on an air mattress in a spare bedroom. Just before bed on Saturday night wife sat with me on the couch and started crying and talking about how she doesn't want to return home - she doesn't want to go back to the life she has at home (wants to be near family? live in the country? do outdoor projects around the house?).
She told me she still plans to divorce me and asked me to be discreet (my brother just discovered his wife's affair and went very public with it on Facebook - she's afraid I will do the same). Later that evening, about 3AM, wife joined me on the couch - said she was cold.
We spent the following day visiting family and acting as if all is well. Now we are home and doing the same.
Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled Moved back home May 2010 PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
We returned from our trip last night. We spent the week doing some very physically demanding work (demolishing cinder block basement walls in preparation for rebuilding new walls).
Things went very well until just before we returned home. I spent the week sleeping on brother-in-law's couch and wife slept on an air mattress in a spare bedroom. Just before bed on Saturday night wife sat with me on the couch and started crying and talking about how she doesn't want to return home - she doesn't want to go back to the life she has at home (wants to be near family? live in the country? do outdoor projects around the house?).
She told me she still plans to divorce me and asked me to be discreet (my brother just discovered his wife's affair and went very public with it on Facebook - she's afraid I will do the same). Later that evening, about 3AM, wife joined me on the couch - said she was cold.
We spent the following day visiting family and acting as if all is well. Now we are home and doing the same.
((( Mrbt )))
I think you have let her know countless times that a D is not what you want -- the ball is in her court. She seems to be sending you mixed signals (she wants a D but doesn't want to move back to her her old town and also, inviting you on trips).
Now is a really good time to decide -- what do YOU want? Have you seen a L at all? She is using you while she waffles back and forth.
I agree with everyone else -- no R talks. Is she still contacting OM? As long as that is going on, your M will never have her attention 100%.
Regarding the lawyer: Yes, I retained a lawyer in December. However, I recently dismissed my lawyer so I could get the retainer funds back. I already responded to the original summons and already signed the dissolution agreement. There is nothing for my lawyer to do (unless something changes).
I don't know about contact with the OM. Wife says she is no longer in contact but I have no way of knowing for sure. It is certainly a possibility and would explain the things-are-good-things-are-bad cycle I am in.
I still want to save the marriage but it seems entirely out of my control.
Last edited by mrbt; 09/07/1004:50 PM.
Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled Moved back home May 2010 PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
I'm new. Feel free to totally disregard everything I have to say. . . . .
In my reading, your W is screaming out for a change. Anything. OM, D, different lifestyle, something. I would think short and hard about what you want. If your W was gone tommorow, where would you go? What would you do? Suggest it? It could be simple - Do you think this room would look better painted red? Maybe we should visit Guatamala? I was thinking about getting my pilots license. . . . .Just something, slightly unusual. See how she responds. Suggest something unusual that you want to do. Be ready to follow up on it, but see if she has ANY reaction. . . .
Your original post was so matter of fact. So resigned. So . . . boring. Think about what you want to do, and see if she follows.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
I should say, "I think your W is screaming out for a change", not "your W is screaming out for a change". I don't know, and I have only you to go on, but that was my first reaction.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
I'm new. Feel free to totally disregard everything I have to say. . . . .
In my reading, your W is screaming out for a change. Anything. OM, D, different lifestyle, something. I would think short and hard about what you want. If your W was gone tommorow, where would you go? What would you do? Suggest it? It could be simple - Do you think this room would look better painted red? Maybe we should visit Guatamala? I was thinking about getting my pilots license. . . . .Just something, slightly unusual. See how she responds. Suggest something unusual that you want to do. Be ready to follow up on it, but see if she has ANY reaction. . . .
Your original post was so matter of fact. So resigned. So . . . boring. Think about what you want to do, and see if she follows.
I'm new. Feel free to totally disregard everything I have to say. . . . .
In my reading, your W is screaming out for a change. Anything. OM, D, different lifestyle, something. I would think short and hard about what you want. If your W was gone tommorow, where would you go? What would you do? Suggest it? It could be simple - Do you think this room would look better painted red? Maybe we should visit Guatamala? I was thinking about getting my pilots license. . . . .Just something, slightly unusual. See how she responds. Suggest something unusual that you want to do. Be ready to follow up on it, but see if she has ANY reaction. . . .
Your original post was so matter of fact. So resigned. So . . . boring. Think about what you want to do, and see if she follows.
NFTP:
Thank you. I think you nailed this. Yes, she is screaming for a change. She even used the phrase "change is good" as justification for the divorce. I really need to give this some thought. I think I have recognized this for some time but its never been so clearly articulated until now.
Last edited by mrbt; 09/07/1009:01 PM.
Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled Moved back home May 2010 PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
I'm in the same boat. I'm learning that sometime the answers really are staring you in the fact. I don't know where my M will go but at least I'm starting to see some of my own blindness.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
