I appreciate that. I am not one for giving much advice, (too new here), I really just want to pass along what is working for me and share some of my thoughts.
I am coping as best as I can under the circumstances. It is hard to really understand what motivates the WAS. I think you are handling things well.
We just need to nurture ourselves in any way we can, and consider the WAS as a second priority. It's all about US now.
Thanks for being there and just keep doing what works for you.
All the Best~
Yeah trying to figure out their minds will drive you nuts.
I'm pretty new too, I really value everyone's threads though, some get it and do it, others fight it, and some just are "naturals". I lurk all over the place here. Like Robx said there are many good people here with a lot of experience, "you need to soak up the knowledge like a sponge". No one has the EXACT same sitch, but the knowledge here can apply to ALL.
You are one of the people who gets it, but everyone gets weak with dealing with this crap over and over. You are on the right path, just be the BEST Susan you can be....and when you can't, come here and get a 2x4 lol
I think you get it too. It's just that every day brings different emotions, and concerns for us to handle. It will take all of us some time to process our emotions and return to a stable life. But it will happen.
I find myself fixating on certain aspects of my future. Thinking of the financial aspects, looking for a job, being alone, etc. Some days I get that panicked feeling, washes over me like a wave! I bring out the 2x4 when that happens and give myself a good whack. You're right, be the best Susan I can be and when I cannot give myself a 2x 4, come to this site and get several! lol
You are right- trying to figure out a WAS is pointless. That's why we have to just keep doing the DB for ourselves, in addition to reading some of the other great books mentioned on this forum.
Just reading everyone's threads is a huge help.We can pick and choose the advice that best fits our sitch.
Things are a bit different in my sitch the past few days.I am trying not to let my head run and let what has happened give me false hope, but thought it would be a good idea to run what transpired by you.
Big discussion on Saturday with WAH about what's to be in leg sep doc.Went well, but I did tell H I would contest a few items.No arguing.
Later that day, towards evening, he asked me if I wanted to play cards.I agreed. We had fun, we flirted alot, I made a sexual comment, H smiled.
We went to bed and I could "sense" he was waiting for me to make a move. Which I did. H said " I have to admit I miss your touch", I said same to him.
This morning he asked if I wanted to go mountain biking.Of course I went! we had a great time.
I don't want to get my hopes up that anything has changed in H's mind about leg sep, but signs seem to indicate he is getting a bit closer to me.I do know he is lonely, he has told me he is.
Anyway, I enjoyed feeling close to him even if it's not going to change anything.
You sound like you've had a good weekend. Not sure if the physical stuff with your H is a good idea, seems like it might be cake eating, but it's hard to know what to do in those situations, and everyone has their own needs/boundaries. I know that in my situation, I would see that as a huge turnaround for my wife, but with your husband, it could be purely a physical thing, not emotional.
You are probably right.I know some of the women on these posts pull out the heavy sx artillery in order to "soften" their WAH's. My H is a tough person who does not wear his emotions on his sleeves, so this approach is harder for me. For weeks H wouldn't get anywhere near me, walked a wide path. Now we stand closer together, accidently brush each others arm , etc and he doesn't cringe.
I was a bit surprised by H's comment " I admit I miss your touch". That sounds more emotional than sexual doesn't it?
I know, it all could be H's primal male desire and I just happened to be on hand so to speak. But as others have said on these posts my H is a man first, an engineer second, so I decided to give sx contact a try.
Thanks for your wisdom.I see from your posts you seem to be feeling better about things.I am happy for you. Hang in~
Hard to speak for your husband, but I know for me, I've really missed my W's touch, not just the sex, but everything. Ironically, we weren't touchy feely throughout our relationship, but now it's very important to me. Maybe it's just a case of wanting what you can't have.
His comment is interesting though. Might be some softening, depends on how he views things.
Physical touch is so important in a M. I can understand how you feel. My H and I were always touchy feely up until about 5 years ago. I miss it all too.
Hopefully something clicks in our spouses when they see us as being "different" on a consistent basis and things will improve. But if they don't, we are better now for us.
