Thanks Allen for the link. Was that in her book or an article she wrote? I wish I had asked those tough questions. Then again, if you asked my W if she would leave me because we drifted apart she probably would have said no.
Before I got married I told my W, "One of the great things I see about us getting married is when we hit problems, and we will hit them, we both know how to work through them."
Oh the irony of it all.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Thanks Allen for the link. Was that in her book or an article she wrote? I wish I had asked those tough questions. Then again, if you asked my W if she would leave me because we drifted apart she probably would have said no.
Before I got married I told my W, "One of the great things I see about us getting married is when we hit problems, and we will hit them, we both know how to work through them."
Its not easy to find, and her site doesn't offer a search engine... I write software for a living... Every time I come to her site I want to wring her webmaster's kneck with a pair of smelly socks
I just pasted the last two paragraphs but the rest is good too
Before I got married I told my W, "One of the great things I see about us getting married is when we hit problems, and we will hit them, we both know how to work through them."
Oh the irony of it all.
For the record I had a discussion with my wife a few months after we moved in together and we more or less shared the same idea as above... But SHE was the one that said we are able to sort things out without a lot of fuss... AND SHE was the one who had issues with my crossing boundaries ...
First of all – I just want you all to know that I took your advice of the morning to heart and went out and did all SUNNY stuff today and didn’t worry at all about what I could/should be doing in M situation or for H! It was great! Spent ˝ the day with a great friend of mine that I just found out last week has gone through all of this! I was really surprised but glad I had confided in her. Her marriage is really good now – but H cheated on her, left, had an A or 2 – but they worked it all out eventually.
Spent another hour or so conversing back and forth with one of the women from the weekend retreat H and I went to. Her H does not want to give up the OW at this point, so I sent her a bunch of your stuff, Allen, that I have saved! She was SOOO grateful! He has had a dozen affairs. Strange man knocked on her door a year ago and told her of the A between his W and her H. Guess he was Exposing!
The rest of the day and evening I spent with my awesome boys. Took them to dinner and to the first football game of the season. S14 and I came home a little early. H texted me a few times today but not much and I didn’t even care. I didn’t worry at all about what he is up to on his business trip. He did text me saying he wished he was at the game. (High school football is HUGE where we are at!) In fact, our school is the #2 sports program in the nation. We were #1 last year but came in 2nd by a tiny margin to another program this year.
Sidenote: It was VERY hard for me to walk into the stadium and not see DD cheering on the sidelines! I miss her greatly. She and I have a special relationship and it’s hard with her being away at school now. She’s doing great in her new place, but still hard on mom.
Anyway, I had a great day today and I know it’s because of all the awesome advice I got here – reminding me to quit worrying about the affects on H and just do what I do for me. SO….thanks!!!!
Allen - thanks for the new links! I agree, stuff is hard to find on the site at times.
I keep trying to talk to my kids about these things - and about avoiding bad choices in marriage partners. Don't know if any of it is sinking in, but I sure hope so. I kinda feel sorry for them when they get engaged: I'll be there with all this paperwork and stuff to read and go over before they even THINK about the wedding ceremony! lol. Well, then they'll probably just go alope to avoid Crazy Sunny!
I agree with all of you about the disposable marriages. We talked about this at length on the marriage retreat weekend and what causes this and about the concept of marriages now being contracts rather than a covenant. We also discussed the realities of love: what it is, what it isn't... the laws of attraction...all of that. I know it was supposed to help those that were wayward to come to their senses. Well, also to help the LBSs to know that some of their behaviors are actually driving their WS's further away (clinging tighter, pleading, appeasing, etc...)
Like most everything else when we try to educate the wayward, I don't know how much of it stuck. However, the truth darts and planting some seeds sure didn't hurt!
I still want to write more about the retreat and what I learned. I hope to do that soon....
I miss her greatly. She and I have a special relationship and it’s hard with her being away at school now. She’s doing great in her new place, but still hard on mom.