I am sorry you broke down, and especially glad CD Bear helped you through it. Thank goodness for the kind hearted people on this site~
Hang in there and know we all are here for you and care about you.
H found out that his ex-employer ( H retired) doesn't allow spouse to receive medical benefits if legally separated. So, H may push for D now.He brought up our M, I didn't. H said we absolutely are not staying together, M dead and we need to be apart... then he says later on, after things settle down, we could see each other if we both agree. Cake eating~
H found out that his ex-employer ( H retired) doesn't allow spouse to receive medical benefits if legally separated. So, H may push for D now.He brought up our M, I didn't. H said we absolutely are not staying together, M dead and we need to be apart... then he says later on, after things settle down, we could see each other if we both agree. Cake eating~
I don't know- he seemed angry today as he will have to pay me more a month due to the med insurance snafu.
Maybe H got scared as we seemed to be getting a bit closer and getting along well. H talked alot-mentioned that " a few days of getting along well won't last and doesn't mean we should stay together and try again". I never brought it up. H said he is adamant we cannot stay married, but that he knows I think the M could be saved. My position all along was old M dead. All I ever advocated after bomb was dropped was trying to build a new M.
H putting the wedding picture away today was very telling.I think he was getting scared he wouldn't go through with leg sep or D. Mind reading, I know.
H very angry, told me I never appreciated the fact he put me through school, that I always took credit for everything I have, than he gave me advantages I never had before, etc. I don't understand the "attack".
So what would work on 90% of the men out there? lol
Thanks for the advice!!
Take care~
Be a tease, play along but intiate nothing. You don't play until he does, don't allow it to get to physical. Think of this as you're starting a new relationship. You don't give it up on the first date do you? Or even the second, right? You make him wait, and if he respects you and wants to be with you, he will wait.
Me: 24 H: 26 2 SS: 7 & 5; D: 3 H filed D papers: 8/2/10 OW discovered: 08/10 D papers counter-filed: 10/2/10 There is no method to my madness
Thanks for the advice, I agree with it. But if you'll read my posts of today, you'll see things have changed with H. He's very angry right now, and I won't do anything except GAL, DB, etc for myself.
Ah yes, I was just catching up. Sorry for the turn in events but hopefully you'll see improvement. My sitch is still mostly the same, H and OW, me states away, and I'm dark/NC.
Me: 24 H: 26 2 SS: 7 & 5; D: 3 H filed D papers: 8/2/10 OW discovered: 08/10 D papers counter-filed: 10/2/10 There is no method to my madness
Basic rundown on my sitch is that H is military. He deployed to Afghanistan in July 09. We were fine, except one fight in late Dec-early Jan, but we bounced back and things were fine again. In May he said ILY one night and the next time we talked he was brief, didn't say ILY, the next day he said he felt divorce was best for us. At first I agreed, mainly out of fear, him being over there, having a history of depression and what not. I didn't want him to get mad over me saying no then do something drastic. Over the next few months we talked, but very little, he just didn't seem to want to talk to me. He came home in July, me, D and his family went to NY to welcome him home. We spent like 8 days up there and it was pretty good. We dropped D talk and I thought maybe we were going to try and work. He came home on leave in August and filed D papers without saying anything to me. He pretty much refused to see me, only saw D 3 times out of 15 days here. A few days ago I got confirmation on there being an OW and confronted him about his lies. He's lied to me about everything, and i mean everything, he denied but has talked to me once since and didn't make anymore attempts to deny or explain.
As of right now I don't know where OW is, if she's still here in my hometown (in TN) or in NY with H. H also has a TBI (diagonosed while he was still deployed and we were still ok) and an IC I'm seeing also says it sounds as though he has PTSD on top of it.
Sorry for the not so brief fill in, haha.
Last edited by KellBell0820; 09/01/1012:44 AM.
Me: 24 H: 26 2 SS: 7 & 5; D: 3 H filed D papers: 8/2/10 OW discovered: 08/10 D papers counter-filed: 10/2/10 There is no method to my madness
I am sorry to hear how things turned out for you. It sounds like you are doing pretty well in spite of H's lies and the distance, OW and new medical problems H has. Sounds like H is certainly going through some sort of life crisis. Freezing you and D out of his life as he did is erratic behavior. You mention PTSD. That could be causing H's odd behavior. I knew someone (actually the person worked for me) who suffered from PTSD. Fear and nothing but fear, he made irrational decisions.I hope your H gets some help, he will need alot of it.
You have alot on your plate, my friend.I am always so proud of how people on these posts hang in and hang on. We are a pretty amazing bunch!
You take care of yourself and your D.Do things for the two of you.
Thank you Susan! I'm trying to just do 180's, GAL, and all that. In my gut I think he still cares very much for me, but is caught up in all of this. I knew H well enough to know when he just wanted it to be over and when there would've still been hope. But I said the other day, after finding his lies, that I can't trust or believe him anymore, he's not the same man that left a year ago.
We are an amazing bunch! I never thought I could find a group that was this great and informative.
You are in my thoughts too, thank you
Me: 24 H: 26 2 SS: 7 & 5; D: 3 H filed D papers: 8/2/10 OW discovered: 08/10 D papers counter-filed: 10/2/10 There is no method to my madness
